Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Handling Rejection...A random how to guide-

The list below can be read as things to do.  Maybe as things not to do. Maybe it just depends on the item.  Maybe it depends on the person.  Maybe you should decide.  Or maybe I'm just really indecisive. 

I'll cosign on the latter.

How to handle rejection:

A/N:  I should preface this by saying I recently received a form rejection letter.  That went a little like this

"Dear Ms. Jones:

Thanks for your query.

As to your material I'm afraid I will be passing -- I'm just not
enthusiastic enough about the concept of your story to feel that I'd
be the right agent for the project. I realize it is difficult to judge
your potential from a query; nevertheless please know that I give
serious attention to every letter, outline, and writing sample I

Sorry I couldn't give you a more positive reply. Thanks for thinking
of me, though, and best of luck in your search for representation."

Now 7 years ago when I queried I think the rejections didn't bother me in the beginning but maybe as I got more I got bummed but not so bummed I stopped writing.  But enough that I didn't really try to query again until I thought I had something in good condition worth querying.

And I don't think this latest effort will find me discouraged, in fact the opposite.  So with that said my list for handling rejection.  To be applied where ever meaningful as rejection knows no bounds.

Step 1:  Get rejected.

Step 2:  Stare a bit.  If it's a person make them feel inadequate and acknowledge that said rejection has devastated you.  If it's via communication (letter, text, email, etc) stare at it until the letters blur or until you fall asleep. 

Step 3:  Denial.

Step 4:  Make a list of your favorite things.  Food, toys, crap you wanted and couldn't afford or wouldn't buy because you're too worried about robbing Paul to pay Peter.

Step 5:  Skip the list and just go buy crap.  Food from your favorite expensive restaurant.  In the mood for Indian?  Maybe  a samosa?  Mmm, or some Thai food sounds good too.  Then maybe some cheesecake or donuts or a yellow cake with cream cheese icing. 

Step 6:  Shoes looking a big ragged?  Lot of holes in your cloths?  RETAIL THERAPY!

Step 7:  Retail Therapy is exhausting. Need to reboot and eat some more. 

Step 8:  Rest.  When was the last time you had a good afternoon nap?  Today's looking pretty good. 

Step 9:  Affirm your awesome-ness.

Step 10:  No... you're still in denial.  Because you're awesome gosh darnnit!

Step 11:  Talk to your friends.  Read your work.  Look at accolades.  Check out kudos.  Again, reaffirm people knowing your awesome.

Step 12:  Step back.  Take a deep breath.  Drink some strawberry lemonade.

Step 13:  Do a healthy favorite thing... i.e. no more bad habits but a good habit like taking a hike on a favorite trail, riding your bike, reading a favorite novel... finding/doing something that inspires and/or motivates.

Step 14:  Look at the rejection.  Keep it in a drawer.  Ink it/cement it, make it immortal but it won't define you. It'll just be a small piece apart of much larger big picture. 

Step 15:  Acceptance.  Recognize it's not the end of the world.  Take another deep breath and smile.  Smile because it does things to your brain.  Then get back to the world if you tapped out.  And if you tapped out that was not an allotted step.  So in theory you've set yourself up for failure.  Tap back in immediately and pick up the start for step 3 ^_^

Okay off to write.  Nighties!

Sunday, April 26, 2015

I think I might've found a house

I looked at several today and I'm going to look at one more tomorrow.  I think this one tomorrow, I have a good feeling about since I drove past it earlier (it was in the same area as one of the houses I was looking at). 

The only thing is I still feel on the fence about going this path when part of me wants to just hang up this... just everything I do with trying to take care of others and just pursue something I want.  Begin anew elsewhere because again I find myself in a place where I'm not happy and know that there are other possibilities than the path I'm on.  Even if I find myself back in this spot a year or so from now, I'd still like to at least have that year of not stressing myself on behalf of others and doing so much that at the end of the day I find myself asking 'why?'

At any rate I did get in some writing today which was awesome.  And will try to do a bit more before I pass out but alas the battery is running low so I'm going to let it get some juice and read TYW a bit. 

Friday, April 24, 2015

Fanning the Flames: How to Let Your Anger Fuel Your Writing and/or other Positive Things

Step 1:  Be a docile thing.  Get along with most people all the time. 

Step 2:  Smile as the world critiques you in all your attempts to do the right thing. 

Step 3:  Invite your family to criticize.  It's not enough that the world has it's opinion but even better to hand your family a knife to poke you a bit more.

Step 4:  It's okay to bleed.  Don't worry if you become light-headed it's just an effect of the bleeding.  SMILE.  Because you are a docile thing.

Step 5:  Oh Lyfe.  Lyfe has purchased a splintered bat and applied all sorts of poisonous things to it and decided to beat you while you lay on the ground bleeding.


Step 7:  Lyfe beats you.

Step 8:  You stop yelling.  Mostly because you've momentarily tapped out.  Blacked out.  Out cold.  You're just out. 

Step 9:  You recover and you do something.  Find something you love.  You bleed onto it a little.  And for one quiet slice of time you are happy.

Step 10:  Your family comes back with their knife.  Lyfe returns with more poisonous goodies.  And Werk has been informed about the fun being had and wants in too.

Step 11:  ...  ... ... ... You're... out. 

Step 12:  Lyfe.  Werk.  Fam.  Peeps.  Everyone just there. 

Step 13:  Rinse and repeat. 

Step 14:  Lyfe.  Werk.  Fam.  Peeps.  Everyone.  Everyone and their mama.  Then a dash of imaginary critters because you've entered that realm of your mind where it's sort of safe.  But not really.

Step 15:  Rinse and repeat. 

Step 16:  They start to come for you again.  Just as your wrapping the wounds from the last time in your corner.  That tiny place you've made and you see it, it's about to happen all over again.  Curled up in that corner won't protect you.  So you stand.  You stand with your imaginary critters and you go nuclear. 

Step 17:  Let's get nuclear.  Nu-cle-ar.  It's your theme song.

Step 18:  My song brings all the critters to the yard.  Damn right, its better than yours.  I'd like to teach you but I don't have Square, so I can't charge :\

Step 19:  You stole moments.  Kept them whenever you made it to that secluded corner and had your time to do what you wanted.  You let Lyfe, Werk, and Fam drive some ideas.  They fueled you for a moment but really...

Step 20:  You remind yourself of the Eleanor Roosevelt "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Step 21:  You find peace.  You come into you.  You do you.  And someday soon you might have to rinse and repeat. 

Step 22:  History repeats itself if you don't learn from it. 

Step 23:  True Story.

Step 24:  I just want to get to a solid marker.

Step 25:  Okay.  I've arrived. 

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Is it vertigo? ... And the joys of querying :D

A few times this week I've just had moments where I've all of a sudden had this loopy feeling like my eyes might roll back and I'll conk out.  It happened a couple days ago, and it might've been the really stressful day and today it happened again. 

I keep thinking it's vertigo because I feel out of sorts and unbalanced but it happens rather quickly or I'm wondering if it might be my blood pressure? Probably should see about scheduling an apartment.

At any rate I wasn't successful at stopping my work day at 5 like I thought.  Stopped at 8 ish at least though, and got a bit more done so maybe... just maybe tomorrow...

So in other news I've decided to put MD on hold.  Of course I'll say that and suddenly decide to pick it up but for the most part I'm going to try to focus on revising TYW.  And last night in a moment of randomness I submitted a query for it and started off like this -

"Today we live in a world where there is an increasing concern in regards to mental health.  From questioning what drives a young man in a stable household to fire at will into a movie theater or why a young woman would be inclined to join a malicious terrorist organization.  Understanding the brain is this centuries quagmire but in THE THREE YEAR WAR mental instability has become the new age witch hunt... "

 Sounded good at the time but now :\  Query letters, oh the joy. But you know, I'm okay to go through iterations of this and to keep working on it.  Honing it to where it needs to be and just submit queries to see if I get any hits while I revise the TYW. 

Anywho need to try to do some writing to #TLS

Tune Tuesday: Fight Song

Short post today since I didn't stick to my stopping work by 4/5 pm to have some writing and reading time.  Take two tomorrow.

However wanted to share this song.  I think I heard it before but can't remember where.  It was playing on the radio station here and thought it was a good candidate for sharing as it has a very empowering feel to it -

Also another tune, that's a fave of mine and my niece is Lana Del Rey's "Radio".  A friend of mine pointed it out to me a couple years back since it made her think of me -

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Productive Work Day

I seemed to get a lot of work items done today and finally just got myself set for tomorrow so I can hit the ground running in hopes that I can finish by 5 in order to do some things I'd like to do such as work on a short story and add to the zombie novel.

I just finished rereading one of my short stories that I know at some point I'd like to turn into a full fledged novel and in reading it caught a lot of errors.  Amazing how when you let something sit and come at it with a fresh eye you catch so much more than when you're in a rush to just get it out.  I'm thinking I'll also try posting the sci-fi short story this week that I started back in Feb and never finished. 

So I figure if today was a work late day for work-work then tomorrow can be a treat and really have to stick to cutting myself off from work by 4 or 5 so I can get in a good hour or two of writing.  Kind of hoping to dream some scenes for #TLS.  I think I left it off in one of the flashback moments where we see Vin get infected and the first time her 'evil eye' takes over.  Still going to make this one succinct 10k story with the hope of expanding it into a novel and incorporate the other story lines.  In fact I might post the story once I complete it (and count it as one of my short stories). 

In other news GA appears to be making progress.  Her doctor think she's doing well/healing good and today she showed me some recent developments involving her right side such as the ability to open and close her hands again AND she can lift her right leg off the ground for about 5-10 second intervals.  I'd say she's raising it by about 8 inches which is WAY better than the inch or two she was struggling with last week.  So small things to some but helping with the overall picture.

Okay off to bed ^_^

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Find Your Bliss

Lately when I've gotten stressed out and/or frustrated I keep remembering "Take care of yourself first.  Take care of yourself first."  Someone told me that not too long ago and it's very difficult to do. 

I've felt burnt out due to the lack of time to do things I'd like to do such as read, work on my projects, catch one of my tv shows, etc...

But yesterday I wrote and it was slow to come, or at least it seemed like it might be but since I was feeling overwhelmed words came out.  And they were dark but the further I got, the more real it felt, and the better I felt overall.  As though I was able to breathe again and it felt good to write. 

Today I did a more work on it and again felt better.  So I've hit my writing goal for the day so I think I'm going to do a bit of reading and/or watch a movie.  Part of me wants to do some work stuff, like work on some of the online training that I need to complete by 4/25 but I want to read.  So I'm going to read. 

And I was reminded of what's my bliss when I listened to the following segment in regards to Maslow's Hierarchy during today's Ted Talk on NPR.  Check it out- Flow: The Secret to Happiness

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Nice Surprise

Today I received a package from my coworkers.  I saw the 8x11 printer box and at first thought "Oh... they packed up my desk.  I wonder why I wasn't told I was being let go."  Then of course my mind starts looking for the 'signs' that indicated this.  I blame being a contractor for so many years... Contractor Mentale. 

It was actually a care package and a thoughtful one which definitely picked me up.  I also heard from a couple people which took my mind off things.  And I made some progress at work.  I think I'll still do a bit of work on the weekend, hopefully I won't try to do much but I'm feeling a bit caught despite getting two projects today and learned of a potential new one that I'll be running lead for on Wed. 

But now that I've showered and conditioned my hair I'm going to try to write "thelastchapter" of #thelaststop.  I was realizing I haven't read a good novel in a while and for a moment couldn't remember how to.  It's strange to say I didn't know how to write a novel but I had that moment and I think it was because I haven't read in awhile.  So I picked up a random book and just started reading it to get inspired a bit.  I also looked at the bookshelf near my nightstand that I've placed books I've started but haven't finished for a tiny nudge.  I'm still not all the way there and would still like to find something to lose myself in but at least I'm not feeling quite as lost as I was earlier. 

At any rate... off to try to work on this chapter.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

The trouble with house hunting...

I have expensive taste -_- ... And it's not to say that I haven't found homes in the range that I think I would get approved for.  It's just the ones where I feel I'd spend the rest of my life in are outside the price range.

The good thing I've discovered is that there are homes in the city which are ranch style which means I can steer clear of N. County, really, I just don't want to stay out that way.  And why I don't want to be out there is a tangled sort of mess that I don't think I can clearly explain.  I know I like being in and/or around diverse places.  And I like my city spot, I sort of hit a niche when I moved to South City and loved the ease of access to PT, library, major shops/grocery, and if my car was ever down I could just hop on a bus.  There are a lot of perks to city living but as of late it feels like I haven't been able to take advantage of them since my life has become more and more engrained in care giving and keeping balance.

Yesterday I was super stressed and felt the need to apologize to my manager since I thought my email to him was a bit rude.  Which hadn't been the intention but I felt very overwhelmed at the time.  I've been WFH since bringing GA back to my place and it's been stressful trying to work my projects but still make sure I'm giving her meds, turning her, bathing, ensuring she does her exercises, etc... then I have to hope my mother and niece don't give me any grief.  THEN I have to hope there are no calls which come with some form of drama.

I so need a vacay.  I keep thinking about that road trip I was supposed to take.  And sometimes when I'm in my car for a quick errand I try to just be in the moment and enjoy the quiet as if that 15 minute drive were 8 hours of solitude. 

Anywho, I probably need to head to bed soon.  I absolutely HAVE to file my grandmother's taxes tomorrow (trying to avoid doing an extension). 

It'll probably be Friday when I can do any more writing to #tls.  I haven't picked up MD as of late.  Not since that spurt I had a few weeks back when I went to the library and worked on it.  So I'm thinking if I don't make any progress with it this weekend I'm going to shelve it and work on revising TYW.  I know I'm off my project timeline so I'll have to revisit it sometime this weekend. 

And in unrelated news.  This blog doesn't get a lot of traffic but apparently there was a bit of a spike on Tuesday.  LOL, kind of surprised. 

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Zombie novel it is...

So I've decided to try to work on the zombie novel but instead of trying to 'flesh' it out into the full length novel and incorporate all the various storylines/plots I had.  I'm going to focus it down more to follow the central character. 

In an essence it will be a short story, 10k is the goal.  And I still plan on working on MD it's just been rough trying to make time for the writing gig.  I very much feel bound by work, my apt, and family given all that's gone on.  As I keep telling everyone, I'm one person trying to do my best. 

With that said I'm going to let me computer juice up a bit and try to continue writing. 

Also in random/somewhat related news while doing various chores and such (I think I might've been working on my grandmother's feet/leg at the time) but heard this on NPR and found myself motivated -

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Tune Tuesday - Imagine Dragon "Dream"

Aw another short post but I did want to comment about ID's new album.  There are several songs that I absolutely love from this album (Gold, Smoke & Mirrors, I'm So Sorry, Polaroid).

With ID first album it seemed like I could listen to the whole thing without skipping and then I slowly developed my list of 'go to' songs.  This album definitely has a lot of those and some songs that'll probably need to grow on me but right now one of my favorites is "Dream" -

I've been listening to it on repeat in the car.  For a while it seemed I was stuck on "I'm So Sorry" since it had this Black Keys meets AWOLNATION feel to it but "Dream" has crept it.  Maybe it's because of everything that's going on right now but this song is definitely going on "TheLastStop" playlist :)

Friday, April 3, 2015

Day One

Well this won't be very long but I do suspect I'll have some time tomorrow to work on MD.

Today my grandma was released and I'm still nervous about it all because she needs total care.  Really she needed more therapy before being release but her insurance didn't want to pay for it.  So it took 2-3 of at any time in order to do some things. 

In the mean time I'm looking for properties to rent.  And I'm off to do more of that before I nod off again. 

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

April Fool's/CampNano/HouseHunting

This will be a post about bullet points.  They won't be very long but there will be bullet points nonetheless.

April Fool's Day
  • Uneventful
Camp Nano
  • Started today
  • No idea what I'm writing/if I'm writing
  • I'll participate :\
  • I think
House Hunting
  • The house I thought of pursuing is no longer available
  • The search begins again
In unrelated/sort of related news
  • It wouldn't be a late post if I didn't mention I'm tired
  • I'm tired
  • I'm also sleepy
  • Are those the same?  Maybe similar. 
  • GA's get out tomorrow and still haven't figured out the schedule
  • Very disappointed in people (specifically some family)
And to end on a positive note
  • It'll get better
And in additional news... I'm gone.  Laptop is dying and I probably should just go to bed.