Sunday, February 22, 2015

50SoG..."I can save him" mentale

The bad reviews are just, lol, but I think anyone who read the book could probably expect it wouldn't translate well to film.  I mean the book wasn't the top of the crop.  For a lot of people it was a fun read not a literati classic by any stretch of the mind. 

I think the film elevated as much as they could based on what they were working with.  However with that said it was interesting watching it with a friend who hadn't read the books and hearing her say 'I've never said WTF so many times during a movie' and I had to laugh because that was how I was when I read it.  I can't remember if it was the first book or second book I ended up throwing.  Maybe all three. 

But for this post I don't really want to get into the WTF nature (not in depth anyway) as far as the dialogue and how cheesy some things played out, however there were several LOL moments while watching which I thought was nice, but I do want to talk about the 'it' factor when it comes to 50SoG and for that matter Twilight.  I mean it's hard to separate the two when one inspired the other and have a lot of the same elements that make them controversial such as the HOT/WEALTHY stalker boyfriend and 'I can save him' mental and it's totally not an abusive/destructive relationship.  I mean I get it.  I understand the side that's pained by the underlining message the film/book has and also get the side that just sees the passionate/love story aspect of it. 

So I have two things to say.  When I first read 50SoG I didn't get so involved in what could be seen as an abusive relationship.  I was looking at the intense passion and the fight Ana/Christian were attempting to overcome in order to be what the other person wanted/needed them to be.  And there is something to be said about what women want/need vs what men want/need.  And with the books like 50SoG or Twilight, whose audience is predominately female there seems to be the desire to have an all consuming love.  At least to me, I mean a type of love that resembles co-dependence and being at the center of someone's world.  Knowing that you are loved/wanted so much that said person is physically having to fight their nature because they want to be with you soooooo bad... But at the same time in real life, how does that translate?  It's so unrealistic and actual relationships that are like that aren't very healthy and I'd wager they get to be exhausting.  So then I ask myself, why is that?  Why are some women attracted to this?  Or am I missing the mark? 

With the all consuming love package, should that fit your fancy and I can sell it you for about 3 tril, it's that passion.  Again I get that.  You want to connect with your significant other and for a lot of women (and maybe men too) there's this distance where that connection, level of passion isn't being achieved.  In which case I suggest couples try doing the 36 question item to deepen that.

It's sexy though?  This hot/wealthy guy has singled out plain Jane, making her feel like the exception in his world of beautiful people and all he wants to do is have total control.  And it's okay because he's hot, established, and only wants you 24/7.  Has to be with you, feeding you, making sure you remember to floss, f**king you hard, bathing you because you don't know how to, dressing you, then f**king you some more... I mean it really just hit me when I was watching it just how crazy that was.  And I can't speak to BDSM, I mean I've heard people say the book is off the mark about that, but at the end of the movie it just hit me 'this is such an abusive relationship'....

I mean it was there all along but seeing the one scene that finally does Ana in and just replaying other scenes I'd seen earlier play out it just struck me.  But it wasn't the final scene that did it.  It was what my friend said, "I feel sorry for him."

Me:  (eyes shot up)... What? 
Friend:  Well he had a rough childhood...
Me:  (thinking... Oh, my, gosh... this is the problem...)
Me:  But he's crazy.  He can get professional help... He's...

He's a fictional character with real world implications.  Because he exist.  He's not CEO of Grey Enterprises and beating you because of some trauma or masking it as some sort of kinky fetish, no he could be some every day schmo with anger management issues who just happens to show his love when his hands connects to flesh. 

Because what got me at the end of the movie hadn't been the bad dialogue, the sex scenes, Jamie's body, etc it was just this idea that my friend felt bad for him, defending his actions, and me saying, "I get it.'

Because I do get it.  I just feel like there's a problem that I do. 

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