The Challenge of Quieting One's Mind

I have to remember to be still.  Meditate.  Breathe deeply.  Relax... It's a constant challenge.

I'll be doing one task and remember something else I told myself not to forget so then I start working on it but then remember why I was doing the one task to begin with.  Then remember some phone call I need to return.  Or some prescription to fill.  Or some new blah blah blah… There is always.

This desire for being efficient sometimes gets in the way of flow.  And I've started to tell myself the minute I'm getting too wired up is the time I should just stop and breath/take a break.  And now that I've taken a quick break (will likely take another one).  I'm ready to do a quick post regarding task for the week (got 20 listed) and reflect on the accomplishments from last week.

So this week I've further concentrated some task.  My focus will remain to be NFD but with Pitch Wars submission nearing I will also work on task associated with it.  This week I plan to:
- Complete 1 spread
- Synopsis for TYW
- Newsletter

And some other stuffz ^_^

That said I'm grateful for:
- Being registered (paused and remarked on that as I looked at my plates today)
- Frequent SM involvement as far as tweeting/blogging

9/10 -
So I stared the above yesterday and didn't get the chance to post due to life but it's all good ^_^

Anywho a few things today that I'm grateful for -
- Lizzo ^_^
-  Avril Lavigne's "Complicated" and channeling teenage self while singing
- Peggy Oki's talk:

$5 Tuesday - The Angry Birds Movie p2

I was surprised by this movie.  It was actually pretty decent.  Granted I hadn’t seen the first movie but there was enough going on for me to understand some of what the plot likely was for the first movie. And I have to admit part of me is curious/might check it out.

I was also suprised by the voice actors.  Some voices I listened to and thought “that one sounds familiar”.  However the funniest thing was that I was POSITVE Tiffany Haddish was in the film and she was voicing the villian... well turns out I was half right :\

I can’t remember if there were a lot of adult ish jokes thrown in since there tend to be some... There probably was.  I definitely should’ve wrote this when the movie was fresh on my mind.

That said mi madres and I enjoyed it.  Wasn’t disappointed with seeing this (even though I had wanted to see “Peanut Butter Falcon” ... maybe next week).

A few things I’m grateful for today:
- Be Sociable marketing class offered thru the library
- Free drink from panera
- Smiles from strangers and random acts of kindness

Midsommar - Director’s Cut

When your Swedish roomie invites you to his commune for an event that happens every 90 years as their special guest, what have ye say...?

But let’s back track as that question is a bit misleading given the way things went down... There’s a bit more at work here with “Midsommar” which I enjoyed.  I’m sure there are references to things that totally went over my head.  However from just a shallow level of viewing the film I liked it and will talk about a few of the things I liked.

I liked the beginning.  The anxiety felt by the main character.  For me that was an easily accessible access point for my caring about the character and what she’s experiencing.  I lost some of that with her clinginess to the bf, but I got it.  And later on when she addresses the elephant in the room I appreciate her even more because she KNOWS what’s the deal but instead CHOOSES to continue on a path.  Like so many of us rather we are willing to be honest and admit to it (or not).

I like that she’s a Psych major; that there is something about her own inner turmoil and this new found isolation.  But mostly, and this took watching another YT review, addressing how we grieve.  And I think this is probably one of the big things I hadn't realized was a thing for me.  It had also been a focus in another work by this director... who I'm pretty sure I'm going to email and ask for him to take on MD.  You know when it gets optioned.

But getting back to the film...

Of course there was the typical moment of “WHY THE F*CK AREN’T YOU LEAVING?!” I imagine anyone who sees this movie will have this thought occur at the exact same time.  Though this is one of my problems that even if this commune is part of an anthropological thesis for two of the characters, at one point do you go ‘this doesn’t feel morally right...?’

And the ending, I did hit up YouTube to check out one take of it but I feel like an alignment happened.  That the chaos of the inside was now matching the outside.  Dani had found her 'home'.  My thoughts at least.

Anywho enjoyed this film and would recommend it to anyone who liked “Hereditary” since it’s by the same director (Ari Aster) or if you just enjoy a good psychological thriller.

A few other things to note before I wrap up.  When I purchased this ticket I hadn't realized it was the Director's Cut.  So I have not seen the shortened version but this one clocked in at nearly 3 hours.  And despite the length I really didn't mind it.  In fact it only crossed my mind near the end because my phone kept buzzing and I finally sneaked a peak.  I did some quick math and realized then "wait, I thought this movie was just 2 hours and some change".  I took the trailers into consideration but since this was a movie only re-released into theater for the labor day weekend I didn't bank on 20 minutes worth of trailers and I don't think that's what I got.

I DID get a  film whose original theatrical cut was long, which I didn't look too closely into upfront to know, but still worthy of my time.  I may go back and check out some of the other films that this film resembled, specifically Wicker Man, if/when I have time to.

Otherwise I look forward to this director's next project.  He's on the same mental list as M. Night Shyamalan for me.

Lastly three things I'm grateful for so far today:
- Peach Green Tea (w/ lemongrass and mint) Teavana makes me think of my childhood, or specifically having a sandwich on rye bread … might be hungry too :)
- synchronicity … when you can see it in play and things just magically align/fall into place
- lessons/opportunities to remember what it is we've forgotten that we've already learned
-

The Praying Mantis

Had a visitor today while heading out for a late lunch at Panera.

It’s funny because over the weekend during the cycling event, a smaller praying mantis had been pointed out to me.  My friend actually spotted it as it blended into the bark of the tree and ascended.  However it was tiny comprared to this one...

It’s almost as if it’s peaking from the side saying “Hey girl, I see you...”

I’m grateful to this fella, or wait, I decided she was a QUEEN... I’m grateful for being graced by her presence today.  She eventually flew away but it did give me pause.  I found joy in the moment.

Edit 9/6/19:

I had intended to hold off on positing this yesterday but I was like why not.  Then I remembered why I wanted to hold off last night.  Something in me said "look it up..."  

What did it mean to be paid a visit by the praying mantis?  Because here's the thing it didn't feel like a coincidence.  The fact one had been brought to my attention over the weekend while at the cycling event, something I'd been excited to attend for the break and just relaxation aspect, seemed to be a message.  

Last night I did a quick google search and came across this -

Overwhelmingly in most cultures the mantis is a symbol of stillness. As such, she is an ambassador from the animal kingdom giving testimony to the benefits of meditation, and calming our minds. An appearance from the mantis is a message to be still, go within, meditate, get quite and reach a place of calm... (via USmantis -  Praying Mantis Symbolism)

This is in line with where my thoughts have been, what I've been reminding myself and trying to do  It is a difficult task - to be still.  But it is getting easier and easier each day.

Again, I'm grateful for the surprise visit and looking into the eyes of this Queen (I still say she was a she ^_^).

Book Bingo

One of the task I gave myself for the week was to treat myself to something unexpected.  I had jokingly gave an example of "finish a book" which I surprisingly did last night.

But I had more so been leaning toward a random movie as I've been wanting to check out "Midsommar" now that its back at theaters.  Long story short I had a meltdown with myself this morning.  Feeling as though, recognizing, I have this habit of wanting to do something for myself but then loading a bunch of things in front of it (in trying to take care of others) that I put myself behind.

It was a mixed emotion of anger but really, mostly, hurt from the callout.  So then my plans for the morning started to stray from the direction but I kept reminding myself that it'll work out, whatever needs to happen will happen.

And thus in returning some overdue items to the library I decide I'll camp out to work.  Well as I was returning some books and DVD's explaining an issue with one of them that I previously tried to return (DVD box didn't align to the actual DVD, turns out I checked it out that way) and noticed there was activity in the meeting room.  It hit me at that moment that I had my treat ^_^

So I played Book Bingo, won 4 tickets that I was able to redeem for items the library had on their Sale Shelf which were "Becoming" by Michelle Obama (been meaning to check it out) and a few DVDs - "La La Land", "Kubo & the Two Strings", and "Black Panther".  The movies are ones I've seen that I like re-watching.

But the reason for the post isn't about the goodies.  And not about the fact I managed this task by DOUBLE treating myself (bingo plus finishing a book).

The post is about the morning meltdown to myself.

The post is about how I played Book Bingo.

It's about how I chose to win my day.

Let me explain... Something happened, really simple, while playing book bingo.  Bingo is an easy game.  Letter/number combination called out and you mark your card if you have it, wait until you have a line (horizontal or vertical) or four corners covered before shouting "BINGO!"

I learned something about myself while playing the game.  Because I decided to step back and take note on how I played a simple game.  How my mind strategized.  The want to swap out cards when I would seemingly get close to a win but then didn't.  The order in which I held my chips.  The fact there needed to be order.  The intent, the memorizing the numbers I needed to hear to achieve the goal.  The voice that kept whispering to relax, just have fun, be present and just enjoy the moment...

When I remembered this or gave myself permission to let go and just be free, to lessen the reigns I won.  And said aloud "I was starting to think I wasn't going to win..."

Aye, that thought, the moment I said it I had to acknowledge it.  What I was saying.  What I wasn't saying...

So I let go.  And tried to remember to let go.  Be okay when I dropped a chipped or if I wasn't holding them in my left hand a particular way.  Or that I missed some numbers.  It was going to be okay.  I would be okay.  It felt like something larger was taking shape and before I knew it I won again.  And again.  And again.

I looked at the bowl of chips as the abundance that life offers.  That all I need but do is reach over and grab it.  I don't need to be afraid.  I don't need to control....

So yeah... I treated myself to something unexpected today.  I'm grateful for the continued opportunities where I do step back.

Three things I'm grateful for today:
- Intent, the ability to focus and hone our attention
- the new story, ready to jump back into it and add some words
- libraries... they are so frickin' great, makes me think about MD

Speaking of, finally got the new cover uploaded yesterday!  Will hopefully push it by next week.

And I shall be off.  Going to try to get in some words.

Tasks for 9/4 - 9/7 & Highlights from Last Week

It is cold... Decided to wear a dress today and knew I might get cold so I made sure to bring a jacket but yeah, I digress.

So the task list for this week is shortened to just 25 things!  I mean, it's always been over 30 items listed but given the short week (today being the first day I'm sitting down to work) plus just progress in general, I'm okay with not making the list super crazy.

That said a few things I plan to go hard with it this week:
- Complete 1 NFD spread
- Outline 2nd draft for TYW
- Write

And a few highlights from last week:
- completed grant submission
- replaced plates
- lots of project time toward NFD and the website

Anywho this shall be a quick post so I can buckle down and knock out some stuff.

But before I mosey off... a few things I'm grateful for so far today:
- reliable transportation
- mi madres
- GPS (both human and technology wise)

93 on 9/3

Happy September!

Time sort of slipped away from me the past few days.  A little bit of activity plus the onset of shark week and the holiday.  I didn’t get around to making a week to do list like I typically do on Sunday’s nor did I post the accomplishments from last week.

I did blog a lot, maybe about 8 or 9 post between this site and my website.  Which I consider a win, something I’m grateful for.  Grateful for my positive attitude despite the many things that have attempted to bring me down but I’ve given them their moment and moved forward.  One such thing involved the 4 hours of studio work no longer on my drive...

And still I rise.

So while I don’t have a plan laid out for this week I do need to acknowledge that it is now September.  And September I intended to focus on TYW or TSP, most likely TYW.  However I’m still working on NFD.  With what’s left of the week I may try my task out differently.  And keep balance in mind as I did just give myself most of the day today to chill.  Was lethargic/energy depleted yesterday and in pain today due to shark week.  Feeling better now though!  And ready to tackle some ish.

An author, Vivian Ries I believe (will have to double check) has declared this month ‘Self Care September’.  I feel as though I’ve tried to be vigilant with this especially when I make out task lists for myself and drop 1-2 fun things on there and a few easy task to knock out.  Knowing my personality I feel that by being mindful of the task I’m giving myself it is a form of self care within itself.

Also currently treating myself to a croissant from Aldi’s and Mango Black Teavana.  I feel fancy ^_^. I really intended to make some warm milk to eat with the croissant but might have to save that for tomorrow.

I am rambling.

Anywho will plan on posting a few goals for the week tomorrow and what I accomplished last week as well.

To close, a few things I’m grateful for today:

- Building relationships ... I stopped at Walgreens twice today and most of people at the pharmacy recognize me and tend to know who I’m picking up for.  But over time I’ve learned names and have seen some outside of the store and chatted with them.  Tonight one of them shared the news that they were officially a pharmacist.  Why am I grateful for this?  Well one I’m happy for her and two, just the human connection, her sharing that news.  So many of us don’t take a pause to get to know another person or people we see often and learn a little bit of their life.  I think it’s good to let people know you care.  And it feels good in general...  that said we all have something going on so don’t feel bad if you can’t.   /ramble #2

- croissant and tea ^_^

- heating pads

- running water/hot showers

- gettting engrossed in a book

- quiet/relaxing meditations

- better at being still

- less anxiety/doubt/worry/fear

- moments of feeling centered and uber present

- being able to detach more and more

- recognizing the opportunity with every challenge

- being able to be thankful immediately afterwards

- great conversations with friends (rather it’s about movies or life) ... watched 3 Billboards with a friend over the weekend and it was nice being able to talk with someone about it

Beautiful weather (attended annual cycling event on the Hill this past weekend)

- Great friends, so appreciative for being invited to the event each year and its relaxed also the watermelon was grrrrrrrrreat (even had some yellow watermelon)

- the gift of sight, it was nice just sitting on the porch observing everything and later reading a bit

Okay.  I should be done.  I’m making up for the other days I didn’t blog.  Off to read a bit and pass out.  Here’s to knocking some some stuff out :D

Also a video from the race -