Music: Billie Eilish
It occurred to me recently that I might be ready. Ready for what? Ready for whatever the next chapter entails, the next level, whatever form of growth...
Why?
Not too long ago I was looking for the dress. The dress I'd worn to my grandmother's funeral with the intent of getting it cleaned. I've worn the dress once and never again. But I couldn't find it when it came time to take it to the dry cleaners.
Last Wednesday, without realizing it, my mother picked up a movie I had determined I couldn't rent. Some day I knew I could rent it again but it'd been the last movie we'd seen together (me, mi madres, and grandmother) and seeing it tended to make emotions attempt to rise. But without realizing it until after the fact, it was there. I haven't watched it. But I have it.
Yesterday, I can't remember the thought I was having but I looked over to something, noticed a bag, and in it was the dress. I didn't become emotional or anything but I was excited because now I could get it cleaned.
However later that day, as I was driving I was struck by grief. Missing her so hard and tried to give myself permission to let it go despite the fact I was driving. It was good. Because one thing I recognize is I try not to go there or think about her too often.
I've heard several people say they believe grief is like love with nowhere to go. I feel there is truth in that.
No comments:
Post a Comment