A really short post...

Since it's the last day of February I figure I'd do a high level look at the progress made this month:
- # of posts in which I say I'm tired 30... so tired that I added some days to the month, lol

No, but seriously, a quick summation:
- Did 30 pages toward a script (might hit 40 pages tonight)
-  Got in about 43 hours of writing work for the month
-  I got in about 15 (maybe 1 or 2 more) index prep cards for TYW
-  I finished reading 3 books this month
- Did some writing related activity nearly every day (27 of 28)
- Hit my Feb word count goal last night
- Had 2 meatless days for the month (second one is in commencement now, lol)

Trying to make it through this day but feeling stressed to the point that I do want to hop in someone's drive-thru.  But also tired and cranky too (from having gotten home, got settled, only to have to go back out).

Also I'm really not feeling this Season's Choice black bean burger.

I don't know.  I think the longer I stay up, the more I'll be tempted to run back out again -_-

No edit prep today :(

Today was another busy day.  And it started off with me taking about an hour of my morning to get my fridge cleaned and some pieces fixed.  Just as I going to retrieve some baby carrots to pack in my lunch bag I noticed the veggie drawer was off and then I heard what sound like a piece falling.... so had to investigate.  Ended up cleaning the bottom and two drawers, super gluing a couple pieces and viola!

That said I wasn't able to sneak away for a lunch hour away from desk due to the spreadsheet that had me in the office until 8 the previous night plus other task that came up.  Overall I'm satisfied with the work I did get through today even with all the meetings and still doing a bit of work with the project that had me in late, but at least got through a meeting to talk through it in order to make the changes.

I did find out compensation regarding my annual review.  And also need to get around to filing my taxes. I still haven't made an official decision for my birthday regarding travel plans but leaning toward paying off student loans/credit cards.  

At any rate going try to do a bit of writing tonight and just plan on using the weekend to finish out the index cards unless I get through them tomorrow (probably going to at least try).

And I'm about 200 words off from my Feb word count goal.  I'm overall ahead but according to the tracker I need 11,500 ish words for the month and right now I'm at 11,300 ish.  Definitely didn't write as much as I did last month BUT working on a story for a novel is a bit easier than my attempts at writing a screenplay.  I'm still trucking along though.  Going to add to it in a bit, nearing the 40 page park ^_^

I still need to thoroughly reassess my plans for the next quarter/remainder of the year.  Gotta keep it light, keep it fun, but keep it moving too.

Replenishing the well...

I'm not sure how to go about doing this...

Part of me thinks I should reach out/connect more and that might help with boosting how I feel.  Like removing myself/reducing my interaction with others might not be helping.  Then again another part of me is like 'this is how you got brought down'.  LOL, however now that I wrote that out, I think I can see where the issue is.  It matters WHO I'm connecting with.  Not everyone you interact with will uplift you, some people are downers and not to say there's anything wrong with that.  And sometimes when I'm bumming it's nice to have company.  But I'd much rather have someone share some good news going on in their life that I can get excited or swoon over.  And this past weekend I think I just got hit with so much at one time my good juju reserves got obliterated.   I also think MN isn't helping either...

Typically I like my quiet time.  Read for leisure, maybe see a movie, a GOOD restful nap, having an uber present moment of wonder... BUT I think part of my problem right now is that I'm not letting up or allowing myself too much free time since I have these deadlines I've set out for myself.  Then again something has to give.  Was at work until about 8ish tonight and I'm just super tired right now, so much brain energy given to knocking out several task plus one that's involving some craziness within excel.  I eventually had to let that one go and just leave.  Will pick it up in the morning with a rested mind.

Speaking of adhering to deadlines I did get in another index card during my lunch hour today which was great.  Again I'm in that portion of TYW where things are just happening and happening quickly.  I still think I'll probably need to take a day off if I want to achieve completing the index card prep by 2/28.

Couple random things:
- tried out a vegan cheese last night in my broccoli and liked it :)
- many thanks to the various YouTube 'how to' videos... I know in the past I've gone there for knitting, household fixes, braids, and etc but yesterday I used it for a laptop issue

At any rate, going to try to get in a bit of writing tonight.

Another index card down...

I took a late lunch today and worked on another chapter of TYW.  Some ideas are coming together as far as how to hone in on the second draft.  And its funny that as I write out plot holes or things I'm questioning (like what's blah blah's story...) that I might not have known the answer to it at the time but now I have more info about this world.  Still not all the pieces, probably enough to be dangerous but I do imagine I'll be sinking more into it as I work on this second draft and eventually pick up the book 2.

I'll probably be in this world for a few months...

At any rate when reading TYW after a certain chapter it all just sort of goes down hill and the pace is quick.  Now that I've completed the card for ch. 21 I think I might be ramping up for that part.  Sill hoping to finish these cards out within the next few days.

I still had one other thing I wanted to finish before the end of February but I don't' think I will (unless I take the next couple days off).

In non-writing updates...  it's nice to hear from friends that you haven't heard from in a while.  With this sudden bout of being down/moody/frustrated/anxious and whanot I opted to hunker down and focus on writing.  But a few things came through today that made me smile w/ happiness (for someone else).  I still feel the need to hunker down and focus (as well as work on replenishing my well) but seeing other's people good news/updates helped ^_^

I forgot to post a visual of my work effort yesterday (spread out at StL BreadCo)

7 Index Cards Down, 11 To Go

Well this will be a relatively quick post since my laptop is acting funky. So this post is coming to you from my phone.

I got in about 6 hours of time for TYW today. No writing unfortunately due to laptop.

Service was great today, walked away with a few assignments. Gotta make sure I reach out to someone I’ve been meaning to, create something (this blog entry), and make a list of things I like about me on a sheet.

Today definitely had some rough spots but I’m okay with it. Just had to remind myself and have a moment which resulted in me laughing at myself,

Also realized I want to study the script for “My Best Friends Wedding”... I really do want to write a rom com but things always go sideways.

At any rate going to relax.

Making progress...

After a bit of putting around I’m sitting down. Been reading and napping most of the day so far but working on TYW.

Hoping to submerge myself come March in seeing this second draft through.

At any rate posting early since I’ll probably break again soon to read.

And a visual

Forgot to add, I had my first meatless day yesterday for the year, been working on trying to eat more veggies.  Hopefully with some better planning I'll get better at it.  Bird by bird...

The Last Weekend for February 2019

I can't get a word in edge wise.  Like some people talk and it seems like they want your opinion but they're really not listening.  And I mean LISTENING, as in active listening, not talking over you or being engaged.

And I'm so tired like I can't be bothered to care so each time it's happened I just stop talking.  Because really there's no point of me talking if you're talking over me or distracted and not hearing what I'm saying or don't care.  I get there might be things pawing/needing your attention but if that's the case get back to me when you have the time.  Or if you're talking over me then I'm going to be quiet so you can hear yourself because I'm guessing what you really need is a wall.

/soap box

So while I made a plan for the remainder of February I wasn't very good at sticking to it last night.  And tonight might not be any different as I'm feeling tired.  Plus there's just stuff going on and people are insistent on talking to me so I can't focus.  I'm aggravated again.  And I'm trying to be an active listener but I really want to work on my book.

/frustrated soap box

The weekend goal:
- Finish the **** index cards/prep activity (or at least get myself back on target for the plan I outlined)
- Read

And that's it.  That's all there is.  I'll be content if I get half an hour of reading knowing that I'm trying to finish other things.

Also going to try to work on this attitude/mood.  Was doing okay for a bit but now it's questionable.

/frustrated sigh

I'm done -_-

Lync Short Story - Ara's Wish

This isn't my best Lync story but its still okay.  Will try to do a new one next month.  I feel my favorite will always be the first one I posted.  However I do have an appreciation for the one being replaced (The Thief) which might be a worthy second.  I've captured both below.

I did squeeze in some time during the day at work to do a bit of TYW prep, only half hour because I was bombarded with back to back meetings and task.  I at least came up with a plan for the weekend.  It has meant foregoing some social things.  A friend invited me to an event tonight earlier in the week and potential plans for tomorrow evening but I've opted to not engage, in order to hit my deadlines.  That said if I do get ahead tonight (tackling today and tomorrow's goals) I might go out.

But as it is, I'm tired and just finished cooking dinner  Thus going ahead and knocking this post out so I can try to focus on TYW the rest of the evening and hopefully get in a bit of reading (The Shuddering).

As a side note.  There's still lot going on in all aspects of my life but working through it all.  Trying to recognize that there will just be things that just are and all I can do is try my best.  I do feel a bit better today but there's still the occasional frustration/anxiety.  Anywho there's a week left of February!


Lync Stories: Drabble length ( <100 words) stories told in a Lync messenger status.

February 2019 - Ara's Wish

Ara’s mother died during the night at the start of the war. So Ara dreamt of the stars during the day. She made use of the clouds as they traveled, carrying the wishes of the weary. Every evening she collected the scraps of wishes in her worn basket, just like her mother before her. She added her wish as the last scrap each time- “one more day”. Some days luck was on her side as the sun kissed her closed eyelids, the grass blades caressed her cheek, and the wind carried the whispers of her mother.  


The last Lync story, being replaced with the aforementioned, came in August 2018 - The Thief

I was nine when my father imparted his best advice. It’s the only thing of value from our last day. He shuffled, forced a smile, and finally let his head fall because that’s all the shackles allowed.  The consequences of his choices did not deter my own. My first theft – my nana’s heart. But it was the stolen dream that cost. Believing its value outweighed the flesh and bone of its bearer. “You have to work up to stealing the big things,” he said. So I don’t shuffle. Remembering those words keep me still.

Songs that give you life...

I recently rediscovered Daley's "Those Who Wait"...  And it's on repeat.

I mean it's giving me so much right now and yesterday.  I could cry.  I also think I might be PMSing a touch.  Yesterday I know for sure the lyrics were just hitting me because I was feeling so frustrated.

I'm still feeling frustrated today with an added weight.  Just got a call from my sister that has me feeling a bit down/anxious but I'm going to hope for the best.

I feel as though I'm in a general bad headspace but I'm working through it and trying not to just fall apart.  I think I recognize a few things...

Lack of support, like I don't feel as though I have enough people I'm comfortable with talking to about work things, writing things, personal things, etc...  So it feels like a bottle right now.  But in reality I probably have more people I could talk to but I've created mental blocks as to why I can't.  I'm pretty sure this is PMS that's making me feel as though I'm in this isolated bubble.  I've also gradually removed myself away from things in order to focus on the writing.  And it hasn't been a bad thing.  I mean I'm way productive even if I sometimes get upset with all the other things I want done (that aren't done yet).

I still need to come up with a strategy for the remainder of February.  I should write some things out tonight but I think I'll opt to do it tomorrow and just read tonight.

There's another writing event this week that I'll try to attend.  Hopefully I'll get some time in for TYW.

At any rate I wrote a new Lync short story that I'm calling Ara's Wish.  I'll plan to post it tomorrow.

::sigh:; Not motivated tonight

I didn't make it to the library writing event today and was hoping getting there today would prove to get me working on TYW.  But left work too late plus there was some bad weather set to move in.

And now that I'm settled for the evening I think I'm just going to fold laundry and watch tv.  Going to at least try to write 500 words tonight but feeling meh :(

I really need to figure out a strategy to get through these cards and my March plans.

::sigh::

I will do this.  It will get done.

Long Weekend To Do... Fail

Well it's cool.  I'm okay that I definitely didn't get through half my list. BUT  there's still 10 days left of February left.  I need to make my focus on the index cards.

Why is revision/editing so hard  :(

I am going to get through this.  Possibly kicking and screaming.  There's a writing event tomorrow that I may try to attend since I broke through and made progress with TYW that first time (where as last weekend I did about 1500 words for my script).

On another note it was nice to just sit in for the most of the day and just read.  I did have to do some laundry and do a couple errands (pick up the kids) but for the most part I was in.  And honestly it's nice to just be able to spend hours get caught in a story.  So while I finished "The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein", I did not get through "The Shuddering".  So I'll be reading it tonight and tomorrow.  Or maybe just veg for the evening after I get a bit of writing in.

Totally forgot to mention, aside from the various table talks yesterday, church service was also good and part of the message was about one of the Anansi African folklores.  I'm going to have to reacquaint myself with those stories.

And the story goes on...

I decided to start the script for episode 2 yesterday... I haven't written much between yesterday and today (probably about 200-300 words collectively due to the lack of time) but I'm leaning into it.  That said I'm curious about the story knowing how the pilot episode ended.  I'm thinking I'll make like a mini series, the number that came to mind is five episodes.  Rather or not I'll accomplish that by the end of February I'm not sure.  At minimum I've achieved my goal with of 30 pages and feel good in knowing that.  Also it's good to have something to write/work on in order to keep adding to my daily word count.

So this weekend has been busy.  And today was full.  There's been a lot going on this weekend but I'm trying to keep it positive.

It nice gathering at my lil bro's house with everyone and all the kids.  Today was definitely a day of some serious talks and just laying things on the table with some honest talk.  Hopefully everyone got something out of it.  There's always this worry that something might be taken out of context but I always hope that things are received well with good intent.

I'm super drained from it all though, lol.  And totally had this weird dream this morning of being at a hospital, waiting for an elevator alongside some other folk but everytime it came down to the floor we were on, it would quickly get loaded and I was trying to keep someone entertained to the point that I was stepping out of line or getting distracted.  And by the time I got on the elevator I didn't know which floor to get off on. So I'm yelling thinking the person I'm with will be able to hear me on the elevator their on in order to know which floor to get off of.  And somehow I either hear them or realized I needed to actually get off on 4 instead of 7 but trying to spare the other riders I just step off on 7 intending to take the steps down.  Except when I try to take the steps it's some weird level where you can't take the steps, its restricted.  I feel momentarily trapped.  Decide to go back and walk around the floor to find someone to find out how I can take the steps and get back to a particular area.  Two people I came across earlier in the hospital offer to get someone to show me but I'm adamant in knowing where I need to go, I just need someone to point me in the right direction...

I hadn't intended on writing that down but as I did I remembered I'd had a similar dream before.

At any rate this weekend has definitely went in it's own direction.  And what was an ambitious weekend, still is, given I'll try to tackle a couple books between tonight and tomorrow.  With that said... off to read.

Ambitious weekend off to rough start...

This will be uber quick as I'm sleepy.  Been a long day.

But didn't hit anything on my list today for a few reasons :(

However, tomorrow is a new day and we're supposed to get snow.  So here's hoping for a snow day as that'll likely mean I stay off the roads.  Though even if it doesn't I'll just plan on packing my book along with me and reading it wherever I squat.

Doubtful I'll be able to read two books in one day but I'll definitely try.

Off to get in a small bit of writing to maintain the daily habit.  I'll need to find something new to write since I don't think I'll attempt an index card tonight.  Might just do a drabble.  Though the script has been on my mind with adding to it or doing the next episode... Maybe.  

Ambitious Long Weekend Plans

So today I WFH due to the weather heading this way.  Plus it was Friday and was hoping it'd be light that I could make my hair appointment.

Well always expect the unexpected.  Got hit with a bunch of stuff this morning and didn't get to the one thing I told someone I'd get to by COB today (as it was yesterday I spoke to them during a meeting).  Got roped into an ad hoc call to talk through some things that needed to be rushed through and just uh...

At any rate as I was making a list and reading up on some things where I could squeeze it in I decided to not slack this weekend and make it an ambitious one.  That said I'm going to try not to give myself flack if I don't see it through.  I at least accomplished one of them today by writing/adding 10 pages to the script I've been working on (and I LOVE how I ended it/wrapped up what I dubbing the pilot episode).

Long weekend goals include:
- add 10 pages to screenplay/script
- finish two books by 2/17 (The Shuddering & TDDoEF)
- remove/go through 2-4 boxes in office
- edit prep (4-6 hours)
- work on dresser/drawers
- make updates to site

Looking at the list it doesn't seem ambitious but me reading two books in a weekend consumes a lot of time in of itself since I'm a slow reader.  But we'll see.  Plus editing prep -_-  I really need to put some hours toward TYW.  Looking at my trackers I have over 40 hours (maybe over 50 actually) for TYWL so far this year but only 8 for TYW.  Editing is such a task but I can't keep stalling...

I'm also going to try to work out a vegan meal plan for the week.  Looking through a cookbook now and hoping to make a plan and stick to it since I know I need to start working in my health goals for the year (as I've been slacking in that area).  Perhaps for the second quarter I'll really hone in on it, make it the big goal...?

At any rate, about to watch a bit of Blackish and enjoy the banana bread I made tonight.

My Daily Habit Streak Finally Broken... And MOVIES!

Yesterday I finally got to see "Glass" and it was great.  I mean there were definitely things one could poke holes at and some parts that dinged in my mind for various reasons but I was overall satisfied by it.  It made me want to re-watch Unbreakable.  Seeing it was the makeup from not going out Saturday night.  And the twist... definitely hadn't seen one of them coming (had figured out one) and was glad for it because my mind is often going when I see one M. Night Shyamalan' s films.

But by the time I got home I was super tired and hadn't even thought about the fact of writing.  So I finally broke my daily streak of working on something be my editing, writing, marketing, etc.. It's cool though, it was bound to happen one day.  

Today for V-Day or SAD (Singlehood Awareness Day) after work and appts, I took mi madres to see "Isn't It Romantic", her pick, and I enjoyed it.  Again there were some moments that I was like 'eh' but I did laugh out loud a bunch.  And when the movie was over I looked over and noticed she'd fallen asleep.  Mind you I was tired before we left to catch it, she picked it out, and I was just trying to do something since it was Vday but apparently she'd been slightly tired as well.  

At any rate.  I've gotten in some words to my script today.  Have a couple books I need to finish this weekend and need to think through some of the special projects I have in mind this year.  Plus long weekend ahead.  So I'm trying to figure how I might want to utilize it given Feb is half over.  

Magic Lady Lumps

Disclaimer  This is a post.  A post that was likely written some days ago, possibly weeks, or months ago.  But it is being posted now for your viewing pleasure because Denise has hit a snag.  For whatever reason Denise is indisposed and unable to write a fresh brand spanking new post.  But for the sake of posting she's has this:  A draft.  A draft entry she wrote at random in the event such a time might arise that she could do nothing but simply press "post" to the draft.  For whatever reason it is the only thing she had time for.  And for this reason there's this disclaimer and a sort-of-apology... …

What are magic lady lumps?  Aside from being a lyric in a song?  An important question that lies within you... …

/random

That feeling when you can acknowledge you are succeeding in other areas but doing terrible in others.  I'm not sure when I'll end up posting this entry since it's a 'didn't have time to actually post' post.

However at this current time I feel like while I'm doing well to challenge myself (by blogging daily, writing/working on a project daily, making better health decisions) I'm still not balancing it out well.  So I did try to pull back on one of my resolutions/goals in order to take a smaller bite in the hopes by the end of the year I could work my way up to it which seems to be good but I'm still wanting to see more activity/things done in the following realms:
- Revision
- Exercise

That's right.  Writing and Health.

Small bites... bird by bird, just gotta keep reminding myself this.

12 Novels

Disclaimer:  This entry was likely written days or weeks ago.  And in trying to save time ze author reached into her arsenal of drafts to post this...

The other day while at the writing meetup I came across the index card where I've captured every novel I've ever written in order (at least I think it is).

I completed another work a couple weeks back so I added it to the list.

I have 12 novels...
1.  TMIU
2. Inevitable
3. TMO Bk 1
4. TMO Bk 2
5. TAB
6. MD
7. TYW
8. B2S
9. TSP
10. Redemption
11. #TLS
12. TYWL

And one novella - PW

I realize I put my code down for most of them, but still.  Twelve novels in 12 years.  I do hope to get in another draft or two completed this year (based on my goals there should be two).

Also based on my goals I've knocked one out by completing an open project.  In this case TYWL since I started that for Nano 2018.

… it's frickin cold... okay I'se done.

Saving for later... On Being Tonight

I had a driveway moment.  Or actually a couple today.

Was listening to NPR and specifically Reveal right before I picked up a takeout order (since it was late and wasn't going to cook tonight) that had me sitting in the car knowing I needed to leave the car in order to retrieve said order... then on the ride home 'On Being' came on and man I forget how great this show is and the guest who are brought on.

I was nodding and appreciating the conversation, agreeing with most of it and low key jealous that Maria's day consist of being buried in books and writing.  This sort of life, one of thinking and being reflective in a sea of books... ::drool::  I mean to say I was anxious to get home just so I could pick back up "The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein" would be highly accurate.  I spent my lunch break getting sucked into it.

And honestly the idea of reading books, old and new, reading the old poets and philosophers of time gone past interest me.  I yearn to spend time getting lost in trying to understand it all and my own theories but I digress.

I had my driveway moment so I switched over to my phone so I could continue listening to the show but once I got in, it wasn't possible to be fully present and still listen to it.  Being gone all day I do try to be active with everyone once I do get in so I had to forego listening.  Thus I googled and throwing this link down here so I can remember to listen to it tomorrow.

On Being - Maria Popova

Think all the rain is making me sleepy.

::Insert Swoon::

Today has been the day of a lot of thought.  I think I've come to resolve some thoughts or at least find myself on a path of sorts.

The other thing I had planned today, a small gathering didn't happen due to the icy road conditions and service was also canceled.  But I didn't sleep in.  I woke up and was thinking of doing back to sleep when my grandfather called about getting something for breakfast, lol.  So I got up from that point on made some breakfast (pancakes, cheesy eggs and bacon).

And so here comes to discovery one.  I've tried to be a bridge but more and more I'm thinking about that old adage of you can take the horse to the water but you can't make it drink it.  Family is strange.  Trying to walk that fine line of helping and not overstepping can be tiresome.  I thought of this as I was singing along to Nina Simone's "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood" in the car earlier and really feeling the lyric at that moment.  Then again I'm reminded of the quote 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions...'  Actually I think there's another quote similar but different (pretty sure Jurassic Park had one when referring to Hammond).  At any rate all this to say I try.  I try to keep up the positive vibes and offer as neutral ear and advice as much as possible but some people just have to walk their own path/have their own journey.

That goes for both friends and family.

Acknowledging that somehow makes me feel just a bit freer.

Random but every time mi madres turns on Infinity War I find myself sucked in/watching it.  She's abandoned it (AGAIN) and so I'm listening to it as I write this.  Each time I hone in on the interaction between Thor and Gamora talking about family, shared experiences.  Family, our first potential adversary in life we meet.  Or the cheerleaders to our greater potential.  Most times a bit of both but in all things they help shape experiences on our path.

At any rate, going back to the title of this post. I FINISHED MY READ THRU!  Granted when I wrote down 'complete a DJ project read thru' on my 2019 goals list it wasn't this project I had in mind but I'm glad I did.

I was so ef'n shocked by how much this story drew me in.  I don't think I've felt this elated since reading The Three Year War the first time and realizing it was possible to write a readable first draft.  This particular story is a readable first draft.  And I know.  Because I read it really ef'n quick.  Granted it's less than 55k.  Whenever I revise I'll need to add some parts and so I after reading it, I stepped away and made some notes from what I remember.  I'll likely sit on this project because TYW really is supposed to be my focus now.

That said, I also realize it's not a romance because there's no HEA.  Unless that changes in revision which I don't foresee.  But this made me happy.  In a day where it's been a bit tipsy/topsy and some bad vibes here and there it was nice to read my work and have a reaction (laughing, sad, and general excitement over the story).  I'm not sure when I can push this one out though.  It's not an overhaul like MD but there are some things I want to research.

Anywho for the weekend I did accomplish a couple things:
- Complete my novel read thru
- Finish reading a book

I am going to try to work on the read thru for BoM now.  Definitely not going to attempt the index cards tonight for TYW.  But I'm happy with what I did get through since I didn't think I'd get through one.  I still need to make time for "The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein" since it's due back tomorrow.  Actually I might do that instead of trying to do the other RT...  

I have no idea where this story is going...

But I'm trying to keep working at it.  I think scripts just might not be the medium for me.  Or maybe I just need to work on it a bit more with a different idea... Once I hit my goal I think I'll tap out and just focus on something else.

I originally had other plans tonight, should've been at a movie theater watching 'Glass' right about now but my body had its own agenda.  I'm still not quite clear what's up with it but decided to play it safe.

That said I'm still annoyed with all the various thoughts that went through my head and just feeling bad with disappointing others or making something bigger in my head.   I realized last year during a trip that I have this need to be liked.  And watching an episode of Parks & Rec the other day where Leslie Knope dealt with the same thing made me remember my own need.  However today I was annoyed by it the more I thought on it.  I know it is definitely a human thing but I don't know, part of me thinks it's also a mostly female thing.  I don't think guys overthink or worry about someone liking them to the extent that girls do, and if they do it's probably not on the same scale... ….  At some point I just got mentally exhausted at hearing myself think, "I feel bad..." for not seeing something through.

It'll be okay.

I did note that once I got out of my reg clothes and into my comfy sleepwear part of me started to feel slightly better.  So maybe I'm causing my own issues with some underlining stress/anxiety...?  I know last week just before I left I got hit with stomach issues but still ventured onward because I felt bad about canceling last minute.

Again, it'll be okay.

I think this will need to my affirmation.

At any rate I finally finished "Notes of a Native Son" by James Baldwin, apparently I started reading it back in September 2018.  It was not a light leave-your-brains-at-home type read.  Reading it made me think of my very first novel and some essays were easier to read than others.  I can see myself rereading it five years from now and being able to take away a bit more from it.  It's one of those reads.

Looks like we're supposed to get some bad weather overnight so not sure if I'll make it to service in the morning or if the Sunday plans will still be a go BUT if it does looks like a day in I'd be okay with that.  Because maybe I'd be able to tackle completing a read-thru of a novel.

That Moment When...

You recognize you've made a mistake by thinking you could still handle the dr. appointment and babysit toddlers -_-

We survived.  Or rather I did.  And some people got a kick out of the kids in the waiting area while others I couldn't tell if they were annoyed (or maybe not) by them.  But this has definitely been a week.  Stressful with trying to manage the various appointments and obligations and try to help where I can...  But I'm definitely tired.  Really want to take a brief nap now but not sure if I should risk it.

On the plus side, after cleaning the fireplace out on Monday, I got the fire going today as its super cold.  So I really am tempted to just relax in the living room, read and potentially nod off.  Not planning to cook since there's still a bit of chili from the other day plus pizza from earlier. So yay for not needing to cook.  

Yesterday I got hit with some random funk.  Feeling better today, maybe it was from the lack of sleep?  But I know the moment I started to free write I felt it sort of lift from me.  Speaking of that, not sure where that story will go because as I was writing it I kept asking myself "is this someone from an existing world/story"... and I ultimately landed on TYW.  Will have to explore that more when I get more in depth with the revisions.

I also may need to reevaluate that.  Right now my target is to complete revisions by 3/31 but I still haven't completed my editing prep.  Granted there's still more of Feb to go but again in trying not to bite more than I can chew I may need to look at my 2019 timeline.  I did build in a couple 'freebie' months but part of me did want to target projects for those pending I was on time with my deadlines.

This weekend I've got a couple things going on that will likely interfere with any writing plans unless things change due to the weather.  But if I were super awesome and had this burst of energy I'd love if I could accomplish the following in 48 hours:
- Complete RT of BoM
- Complete my novel read thru
- Complete editing prep index cards
- Finish reading a book

However knowing me and knowing that I have things that will take up my time on Saturday and Sunday I'll be happy if I make a dent in any of those (even if it's an hour each day toward one of them).  So again, another weekend in which I won't have an official 'to do' list but will still plan to do a minimal of something.

That said going to do a bit of writing now before I go read since I'm liable to nap once I get on the couch.

Not much of an update...

So another short post.  Hopefully I'll manage to get some writing in tonight.

Feeling a bit blah today.  Probably because of all the activity yesterday and lack of a good rest.

At any rate I've been thinking on what to do for the weekend and the plethora of books I have piling up.... Well I think I'm overthinking and now causing myself to become overwhelmed :(

Going to dial it back, take a deep breath, and know that all is well.  Everything will work out.

I believe this weekend I'm going to try to aim at either completing a read thru, (have two things open that I need to finish), revision index cards of TYW, or... I don't know -_-

I'se tired.  I think maybe I  might be better off going off to the library or something this weekend.

Man, I've definitely got some bad vibes going on.  Just feeling really annoyed all of a sudden.  In an effort to not muddy this up I'm going to wrap up this non update entry.

Long rainy day... writing onward...

It's been a long day, ended up taking off work (and it was a good thing I did). I'm super tired having got up about 4am ish for the surgery so this won't be a long post.  Unless I suddenly become winded and start rambling.  But seeing as I want to do a bit more reading of the one story I started the other day, I very much doubt it.

So it rained all day today.  And between trafficking back and forth for the surgery then having to go back to the doc due to some post op concerns, I've spent about 2 or so more hours in the rain on the highway.  Which isn't no biggie but have definitely come a long way.  I remember when driving in the rain use to freak me out (had an accident years ago).

That said I had all this stuff packed for while I was in the waiting room and started reading/trying to finish a book and the sleepiness caught up with me so I stopped, watched the tv again, then tried to read and continued on this fashion before finally giving up and watching GOT.

OMG, so I've cried twice now at the deaths of two characters on the show.  First season was an obvious cry fest but season 6 I lost it when a character I hadn't expected to like passed.  And man watching that hurt BUT it also did something in my writerly brain.  Like an appreciation for the story, the world, and characters and desire to make something equally as engaging/moving.  I really feel I'm getting more into the realm of wanting to do more high fantasy novel (thus the reason I've been doing some prep activities).  And the world building will take time so I need to be patient with myself if I want to craft something good....

Anywho, I've done my writing for the day and hit my goal of 10 pages for script writing.  Going to try to veg for a bit... Already thinking about this weekend.  I have two goals I haven't knocked out from Jan... might make those the focus this weekend especially if we get snow.

Script Writing

This is legit a mental challenge but I did make a breakthrough.  It just meant a lot of hours dedicated to just it.

That said script writing doesn't seem to have the same pantsing quality that one can do when noveling.  And this might be because I'm not used to it, maybe people who do this more frequently are accustomed to not knowing the whole story and able to write.  With a novel I'm comfortable in this realm.  With writing a script I'm definitely having some struggles despite the content/what I ultimately decided to go with as far as my story.

At any rate going to try to add a page tonight and then head to bed since I need to be up early for another appointment.  Had one this morning and another tomorrow for a relative, both eye related.

I also unintentionally fasted for almost 24 hours.  I used to be good about doing so at least once a week and definitely had a reminder of those hours when one can become ravenous and slightly delirious (you're so hungry everything sounds good).

/ramble

The Joys of Toddlers & Writing

Before I get started I should note that I made some bad decisions last night/early this morning and it definitely impacted my today... so for most of the day I was tired, cranky, and feeling quite sickly to the point I didn't eat and just sipped on lemon water for most of the day.

I've since ate a bit and took a nap around 6 (that went over) but thankfully I'm still tired enough now that I figure it'll be an early night and avoid food despite being hungry.

But something interesting occurred today.  Well a couple things, one my nephew legit had me cracking up from my office as I listened to him have this short exchange with my grandfather.

G: Now be quiet, Denise has a meeting.
N:  Waaaaah?
G:  Denise has a meeting, she on a call.
N: Waaaaah?
G: … ….

LMAO.  I think my grandfather might have just told him to eat his food at that point but it was hilarious.

Stomach still feels a bit weird now but today I felt like I was still mentally calibrating.  And in the process of moving over some files I emailed to myself I started sifting through documents on my laptop.  When one of my stories popped out to me, it's one of the shorter novels clocking in at around 54k (about 85 pages).  And I just opened it out of curiosity.

Here is one thing as an author that I absolutely love.  When you've had so much distance from a project that your surprised by it, that you swoon at different things you'd forgotten.  And today without realizing it I read about half of the story (stopped at page 42 because Chapter 10 is a 30 page time jump).

I don't know, it just seems nice when you're shocked by something you created and it almost makes you question yourself like "OMG, I wrote this?!"  It's nice :)

Superbowl Sunday ... Mental Resetting

I didn't make it into service again today :(  Definitely had intentions too but after finally getting the opening lines figured from the script and adding to it.  I took some pain pills for my head and decided to watch Parks & Rec, to which I fell asleep on, woke up at 1:30 for a bio run, watch some more Parks & Rec and proceed to fall asleep again.

I think with the extreme shift in temperatures my body might've been feeling the need to rest up plus there'd been all the mental anguish earlier with going on a date.  So finally woke up this morning made breakfast, showered and looked at the time... Definitely was too late to make it to service.

I had even thought to make this the day I go follow up/check on some people and also deliver the knitted hat I made.  But I'm still feeling a bit tired.  So started working on my script again.  Hoping to get myself on track for my Feb word count goal (even though overall I'm still ahead).  And also give myself a bumper when it comes to my script.  I should have 3 pages by today and I'm on page 3.

Script writing is definitely a challenge.  I tried to do it some years ago and got stuck, tried it again and got stuck again.  This time I at least made it to page three so that's progress but I'm really wondering if I'll have 30 pages by the end of this.  I'm going to attempt to give myself some bumper today which will mean getting wrapped more in the story.  Hopefully by doing that I will become a bit more invested in it and writing won't be quite the struggle.  I've been toggling back and forth with looking at other scripts as an example.

I'm also planning on working on another story as back up (just so I can still be adding to my word count) but the focus in February really will be my editing prep.  It occurs to me that I probably should just do more world building toward the potential Nano 19th story.  /rambling

At any rate going to try to get in a bit more writing and try to finish a couple books today if possible and just relax.  Probably won't catch too much of the game since I'm not that really invested in it or football in general.

I think I just need to veg.  I really do want to get lost in a story or something.  As it is I'm going to try to finish the James Baldwin book and study the art/read the story for this children's book I picked up.
And try to make a point of meditating.  I had to do it for a bit early on today in order to tackle some bad vibes.

Fly-by Post

Today was pretty busy.  This will be a fairly quick entry.

I had a momentary point in my day where I thought I might create a to do list but then stopped myself.

That said I did get some things done today which I think are worth mentioning:
- Finally took down my Christmas tree (I know.. super late... but still doesn't beat the one year I kept it up 'til April) /laziness
- Got the oven fixed
- Met up with my aunt to go over the site (it took a bit longer than I thought, but we had about 4 hour worth of going over it)… I have some changes/updates I'll make to it tomorrow
- Went on my first date in like 4-5 years!

And I'm super tired.  For whatever reason I have a headache.  I think pre date stress, worry, and anxiousness is hitting.  Makes for great writing fodder especially whenever I revise my romance novel.

Off to do some very light writing before I pass out for the night.  

Happy February

It's the first day of February and prior to sitting down to write this entry I felt so unmotivated.

Like there's something to be said when you finish a task and then you're just feeling like 'wahh?'  I definitely have other projects/goals.  But my first quarter goal was my aunt's site and since the first stab of that is done part of me is like 'can I take a break'?  I mean I finished the first draft of TYWL in January too.  January was hella productive.

And it's for that reason I thought to slack.  Like I've written and blogged every day since the start of the new year.  But February is a new month and I could already see my momentum waning.  So I sat down and looked at some scripts today.  I'm still going to go for my Feb writing goal regarding 30 pages to a script, it won't be anything finished but at least I'll try.  Plus I need something to keep me writing so I can stay on track for 150k goal (since I'm ahead of it currently).

Normally I'd post a weekend to do list but this weekend I'm just going to focus on maintaining and not shoot for anything writing related outside of the minimum plus there's some house stuff I'd like tackle this weekend.

At any rate I need to do a page ish each day to hit my February writing goal.  I also extended my editing prep.  I think I did at least get 10 hours in last month (or maybe not) but this month I really need to try to finish my revision index cards.

Outside of writing I watched both Fyre Festival documentaries (HULU and Netflix).  And there was a mix of anger and hurt, probably more so hurt, on behalf of those workers who really got the short end of the stick.  Then I had this dream to do like a GoFundMe or some sort of charity to raise money to pay those workers.  Though there probably is something out there... will have to check.

Okay I think I may be rambling... Off to write ^_^