3/15-3/17 Weekend To Do

To see Miss Marvel...

LOL.

From a writing perspective I'd like to:
- Finish reading a book
- Catch up on word count for the month

And other than that it'd good to get my tax stuff organized so I can file soon.

So today had a lunch with my coworkers to celebrate my bday and one of them has started reading MD.  I have to say it was nice to talk with her about what she was understanding and the story.  Despite MD being a challenge for me since it felt ambitious, and is not perfect by any means, it was good to revisit the world.  But I have to remember that feeling, tap into it because it's that feeling that feels like will fuel me as I work on TYW.

Decisions I Arrived to Today...

Decisions that might change... or might not.

- I'm not going to travel to Japan this month as a bday gift to myself
- I am going to use the money instead to pay some extra toward my credit card
- I am going to have the talk
- I am going to submit for pitch wars

Life is short.  Found out tonight my handyman/friend of the family passed yesterday and it really has me bummed out.  And so much of the latter part of my day was spent asking myself 'what would I regret more...' then to find that out.

This won't be a long post.  In bit of a bad mood plus sad (and I think hunger is adding to it).  Considering yesterday was a busy evening and trying to wait to throw in the meal I prepped yesterday in the oven.  But this is all just random.

No additional update only that I intended to have a talk this evening and couldn't.  Feeling sad and just not with it right now.

In other news the cabin I'm in is quite active which is great.

Dream About a Story

Disclaimer:  This is a post.  This is a post that was written on … [date can't be disclosed] … … But is being posted today.  Why is it only being posted today?  Because the author is unavailable and desperately trying to maintain her daily posting streak at the cost of … forced authenticity?  Accountability? She's not really sure.  She just wanted you to know that while this is posted today these words were likely written days ago if not weeks, months, blah blah blah....

I like when I have dreams that are like THIS, THIS DENISE, THIS IS THE ANSWER TO [insert random project].

This occurred last night/early in the morning since it was right before I woke up and darnit.  I wish I'd written it down.  I just know it was a matter of me telling myself/recognizing what was happening in the story was the origins or history of how things came to be in my novel FY.  This is one of the stories that isn't done.  Where I started the draft and got about 10-15k into the story and abandoned ship.  I have less than five novels in this stage.  I'm hoping to bring this number down.

A few times I've thought I was ready to pick FY back up.  Like I'd see something on the news that make me think about the side arcs or other observations that tied into the overall theme.  I've even had it as a goal in years past to work on it but it's never happened.  And now I have this dream, that I barely sort of remember now, but hearing dream me saying "Hey, this is the origins, their story is how this all came to be..."  and not to long after that dream me is talking to someone telling them how I have to get ready to babysit.  I wake up after that and no sooner than I do, that I get the text from my sister saying she's on her way to drop off the kids.

Going to try to spend a few minutes trying to write out what I remember.  Here's to hoping that maybe I might make FY my project for September perhaps...

Also FY does not/is not Fushigi Yuugi, lol.  I realize my code for that particular story could be equated to that for anyone familiar with that manga/anime.

Conspiracy Theory

So I was listening to NPR this morning to work and heard about the plane crash that killed everyone one board.  The plane, a 737 Max 8, had been involved in another crash recently.  Since I don't watch the news and not on any social media my news is pretty limited but I did listen to NPR a little longer today.  And the two recent crashes involving the same model plane made me think of the missing Malaysia flight from a couple years back.

Back when that happened, part of me sort of wondered/thought the plane was taken for nefarious reasons since the crash site and no trace of it was ever found.  Part of me still wonders if maybe the plane was taken and hearing about these recent crashes of the same model reminded me of that thought.  It's possible my writer brain at work, seeing as the Malaysia plane wasn't the same model.  And so much water.  Still...

Outside of me being behind on news I had a really great conversation/catch up with a friend of mine that's living out in Germany.  Definitely thankful for good conversations recently since it's been helpful to my overall head state.

Anywho gotten some writing in for the day.  Going to enjoy the rest of SNL with Idris Elba, had several LOL moments so far.

On the day, the day of your birth

I give to thee:
- one paid off car note
- two credit card balances paid
- an outstanding decision on rather or not to travel or pay toward a student loan balance or another cc...

So I'm still undecided about traveling later this month.  Every time I think I've made up my mind I go back and give a reason as to why I should/shouldn't do something.  I was hoping I would get somewhere with my taxes this weekend in order to better make the decision but alas I did not.

At any rate will probably need to figure it out soon if I'm going to book something.  Or if I just take the time off and hunker down to submerge myself in TYW.  Which is what I think I'd like to do but I'm also wondering if I deserve to give myself some sort of respite too..

On the eve of another year 'round the world

I've done a lot in this my 33rd year.

There are the big things I can think of like:
- Hamilton in April
- Cancun in May
- Dream class in August
- Piano, Tap, Writing courses through the community college in the Fall
- Finishing first draft of #TLS
- Finishing the first draft of TYWL
- Finishing the first draft of a screenplay

And the things that seem small, tiny decisions here and there as it related to my own happiness or sanity.  Rather that meant stepping away from people or things that worked against my well being.

I've put myself out there more.  Even as part of me wants to pull back and bottle up especially when it came to writing groups, sharing my work, or even dating for that matter.

I have worked, continue to work into moving into me and who that is.

So tonight as I listen to "Red Shoes" on repeat and just finished watching "Dumplin" I've really got the Dolly Parton quote really in my head as I reflect on my last year.

'Find out who you are and do it on purpose...'

I think, even as I have my moments of just random anxiety and fear, part of me is doing this.  Part of me is fighting for this, getting closer to who that person is.  The more I stand up for what feels right for me, the more I validate myself,  The more I'm able to be my authentic me if that makes sense.

As I look to another year I just plan on keep working on being me.  Tinkering away at building up my confidence and being comfortable with who I am, being around people that are supportive, and work on the dream. I have things I'm hoping to see for myself and hoping that on the eve of my 35th birthday I can reflect on continued progress.

Spring Forward

I had a moment today.

I think this week, the last two weeks really amounted to me just needing to do something.  So had some retail therapy.  And I don't spend a lot in general but it felt overboard today.  Considering the gifts for my birthday were supposed to be paying off some debts -_-

That said I bought 5 books, some perfume, one dress, and one tunic.  And I'm flipping because I really would have preferred all of that to go toward a credit card or student loan.  So while out it felt good but now I'm just like "didn't get any writing done, spent money, wasteful..."

At any rate.  I should try to write.  Just goes to show trying to fix something doesn't always mean buying crap will help.  Not to say the books are crap as I fully intend to read them, but just trying to use material things to substitute or be a solution.

In unreleated news watched "Crazy Rich Asians" and "Kings" tonight.  CRA was entertaining but felt like it could've been more cohesive but enjoyed it nonetheless.  Kings seemed to be all over the place.  But I recognize the narrative it's trying to capture is a challenge in of itself, just seemed like it could've honed in a bit better to allow for a connection to be made.