Motivation Monday

October is nearly over and yesterday was a bit rough. Started off well with a great service, potluck, some great hugs and conversations. Felt like I’d received a second message in the parking lot as I spoke with someone. Did some inking and plotting at Panera. Spoke with the neighbor for a few hours and figured I’d spend the evening, which I did. But alas there was some trouble and what I’ve learned is take things as opportunities for personal growth. It’s hard work but it’s the way forward.

Sharing a vid that resonates this.

$5 Tuesday Movie Review - Abonimable

Tuesday I caught a morning showing of "Abonimable"

And 4 out of 5 tears... No really.  I teared up about 3-4 times while watching this movie.  Perhaps I was just feeling sentimental or more open that morning but I cried within the first 5-10 minutes of the movie and then cried not too long after.  It actually reminded me of "Up", not so much with the montage of time passing and you seeing all the events but the fact I got hit with emotion so early on.

The scene which triggered me wouldn't be one you suspect either or maybe it is... it'd be interesting to get other's take but the scene where the mom just has this look, she's obviously knowing something is wrong and just has this look of defeat but you know she hasn't given up as she exits her Ye's room.  The next time I cried was listening to Ye play the violin and man, when music moves you... I for sure came to the conclusion that I need the soundtrack in my life or definitely plan on listening to the violin pieces when I'm writing for Nano 2019.

There were a couple parts where I got pulled out of the movie, one was when the Coldplay song came on.  It's a good song but something about it hadn't boded, felt cheesy, or out of place.  I get the sentiment and definitely love the song but for whatever reason I got pulled out/into my head during a couple scenes it played. 

And I loved Ye.  I related so much to the fact of "I still haven't even cried..." (I paraphrase) but anyone that's known a big loss may find this an access point they can relate to.

I appreciate the villain despite suspecting it early on, it was still interesting when the veil dropped. 

I am having a memory fail regarding the other characters at the moment but I enjoyed this movie and man did it make me think "okay, must visit China..."

Management Monday - Week of 10/7 - 10/13

I iz hungry.

Like as I write this I'm trying to figure out why I'm so hungry.  Had a decent size breakfast and just snacked on some cheeze-its (snack bag)... Maybe I just need water.

At any rate I just realized I only update this once last.  I'm trying to get better with prepping on Monday's for social media but still playing around a bit.  I did at least figure out doing one thing today as it relates to Inktober so I feel good about that.  I also have to work on a few more scheduled post... still need to look into HootSuite... but I'm almost done. 

Oh and prepping some known blog post (think I'll do two on here and two for the author site) then I'm done.  Allowing for some spontaneity for the week and more time to focus on reading.  I still have YET to finish reading one of the many books I've piled up and WANT to read.  It's just this business side of being an author will/can soak up all your time if you allow it.  So I keep trying to remind myself to come at it from a different angle/perspective.

So these are some wins from last week:
- Setting up Wix Analytics
- Using Draft2Digital to get MD available on other platforms
- Routine posting for #inktober2019 (both the drawing and writing edition)
- submitted a query 0_0
- completed audio for NFD
- Ordered ISBN's

There were some other things too but overall I'm happy with my week.  I also followed through and did a personal writing retreat weekend. 

So I have a list of about 20 tasks for this week so far but if I had to pick 3 that I absolutely want to accomplish this week that would be:
- Design pc's for MD and NFD
- Finish reading a book
- Revise TSP book description

... in semi-related news I think the water helped... I'm telling myself it did.  Going to drink some more and try to focus.  Though I might just need to eat. 

Management Monday - Week of 9/30 - 10/6

Today did not start off as planned or rather I had a later start than I intended.  But mai pen rai, live and learn.

That said this will be a quick post since I still have some SM prep for the week I'd like to get established.

Last night I went back to my method of creating a check box task lists.  That isn't to say my experiment the previous weeks weren't working, in fact last week was highly productive with letting go (hmm, something to take note of, especially give the conversation I had today...) BUT I do like knowing when I knocked something out. 

Anyway, it's just something to try and I'll see how it goes.  So far I've knocked out a few minor things (such as follow up for the interactive piece on the website and business ideation meeting).

However of the 25 ish things I've captured for the week, some big things I'd like to accomplish are:
- setting up analytics for the website
- proof copy of NFD
- finish story
- finish reading a book
- start inking and prepping #Inktober #Preptober

On a final note, I'm grateful for deep conversations.  This morning while picking up 'the dress' from the dry cleaners I was speaking with Ms. Constance who has an interesting story and grateful to her for sharing it with me.  You never know what someone is going through and we both agreed that what any of us can do at the end of the day is just keep trying, keep going.  She is a resilient spirit.  And I know that conversation was something we both needed. 

Taking a Pause to Celebrate

This week has been productive.  I mean truly productive and that isn’t to dismiss the other work I’ve done leading up to this week because it all adds to the collective but in the last 12 hours I’ve managed two very big things.

And I am tired, in a good way.  What did I do exactly?  Well first let me say I tackled this week different, as I did last weeek.  I did away with my check box system last week and just made a list of things I knew I needed to do.  This week I had a list but I also decided to give myself a purpose each day for instance:
Monday: Content Prep for the week
Tuesday:  Writing
Wednesday: Reading
Thursday: PitchWars submission
Friday: TBD

Which was funny that I hadn’t locked anything in for Friday.  It’s as if I already knew...

So Monday was focused on the various social media platforms and prep.  I learned today that there is a free version of HootSuite so I’m going to look at it again to see if I want to try it.  I did work out that I might do my schedule differently to make it manageable.  I”m in that stage of playing around until I find a formula that works for me.

Tuesday I began working on finishing the huntress story (as it is one of the things I intend to finish out before September ends) On Wednesday I ended up tackling another item that I had outlined for “finish before 9/30” which was a draft of NFD with words and the illustrations married up.  And OMG I did it.  I hadn’t planned on doing it but once I got started I wanted to see it through.

Thursday I made myself be still and just enjoy reading.  Took a glorious nap and proceeded to look into the Pitch War mentors to see who would be a good fit.

And today I had another BAL session in which I got addresses for my target market group.  AND submitted for Pitch Wars 2019 ^_^

It doesn’t seem like much but it’s been a lot.  Like the query and synopsis took me about 4 hours but I  finally submitted and let out a breath.

So damnit I’m going to celebrate because too often it’s “okay done with that, what’s next” and damnit if I’m not like “let me enjoy this victory chick, gosh...”

Because you know I’m already thinking what I need to do for the week or the outstanding things I have left.  But the thing is there will ALWAYS be something.  So this weekend I’d like to reward myself with getting lost in a book.

... though there is the other side of me that’s like “reward yourself by checking something else off the list...”. ^_^. This lovely head of mine.

At any rate if I were to hypothetically come up with a weekend to do list it would involve:
- continue celebration for #PitchWars submission
- order proof copy of NFD
- finish huntress story
- finish a book

That said napping and watching movies again (as my pile is up again) sounds good too.

Apologies for any typos, I’se tired and writing from my phone... I’se off :D
.

The Dress

Setup:  Driving down the highway
Music:  Billie Eilish

It occurred to me recently that I might be ready.  Ready for what?  Ready for whatever the next chapter entails, the next level, whatever form of growth...

Why?

Not too long ago I was looking for the dress.  The dress I'd worn to my grandmother's funeral with the intent of getting it cleaned.  I've worn the dress once and never again.  But I couldn't find it when it came time to take it to the dry cleaners.

Last Wednesday, without realizing it, my mother picked up a movie I had determined I couldn't rent.  Some day I knew I could rent it again but it'd been the last movie we'd seen together (me, mi madres, and grandmother) and seeing it tended to make emotions attempt to rise.  But without realizing it until after the fact, it was there.  I haven't watched it.  But I have it.

Yesterday, I can't remember the thought I was having but I looked over to something, noticed a bag, and in it was the dress.  I didn't become emotional or anything but I was excited because now I could get it cleaned.

However later that day, as I was driving I was struck by grief.  Missing her so hard and tried to give myself permission to let it go despite the fact I was driving.  It was good.  Because one thing I recognize is I try not to go there or think about her too often.

I've heard several people say they believe grief is like love with nowhere to go.  I feel there is truth in that.

Gratitude Tuesday: Acts of Kindness

"In a world where you can be anything, be kind..."

I paraphrase and can't remember who said it #memoryfail but an important message all the same.  Today I followed my intuition.  I wanted my hot cup of milk and thought "I could make this" but knew it would soak up more of my time.  Time I wanted to designate for writing.  So I opted to stop at Starbucks on my morning drive.

Instead of stopping at the one near my house, I stopped one a slight bit out of the way because for this particular drink, my hot milk, I've enjoyed how they've made it and had a great conversation with the barista at the Drive-Thru.

Well this morning as I sat in the drive-thru and ate my questionable ripe banana I was listening to the radio and a couple things happened - 1) Lizzo was playing and as that is a fave song of mine currently I always take it as good sign when it comes on (as if the universe is saying right decision/choice) and 2) I wanted to hear the Positive Note for the day well instead I caught "Donkey of the Day" … I gave a moment toward the politics of today, the sound bite earlier in the morning from Jimmy Kimmel with the CNN interview and all of it just doesn't feel right.

Not right in the "CORRUPTIION! CORRUPTION!" type of a thought.  In the vicious way every one goes after the other.  I get we all feel strongly but at what point do we all take a step back and ask ourselves are we getting anywhere...?  It felt very toxic and hadn't felt good.

So I pull up to the window, turn down the radio just as I hear the donkey of the day is going to Nancy Pelosi and part of me withers but then the barista informs me that the woman ahead of me has paid for my order...

0_0

Kindness.  It is a choice.  No matter who you are or where you are or which side of the fence you claim, kindness is ALWAYS an option.

And as I do my social media check (trying to allocate time each day, including blogging, to engage) I came across this story that made me tear up.

Bookstore Employee and the Colorful Old Lady

Kindness y'all.  Practice it more and more.

As Gandhi says "be the change you want to see in the world..."

Or something close to that but y'all get the point.  Spread kindness.

Management Monday - Week of 9/23-9/29

Last week was a whirlwind of discovery, one meltdown, re-discovery, learning, and several moments of joy (the type of joy to bring on tears).  In a word... emotional.

I don't plan on making this a long post because I'm trying to make this the day I prep/schedule content for October and work in some website updates.

Top three things I plan to target this week:
- Submission for PitchWars (the window is from 9/25-9/27) … there's a lot of work associated with this
- Complete draft copy of NFD
- Content prep (or rather get in as many draft blog entries

I'm considering using Hootsuite... Still noodling.  I think once I get a few things knocked out I'll take a look into it.

That said a few things I'm grateful for from the past weekend:
- Got through several movies
    - Nokim (dozed off a bit but still enjoyed what I did see and the message)
    - Lars and the Real Girl (I'd been meaning to watch this for years, dozed off on it too -_-)
    - Greta (I enjoyed this and did not doze off on it, lol)
    - Two Lovers and a Bear (will review this later this week either on this site or the author site)
- TWO HOURS OF PIANO PRACTICE!!!!
   - It felt amazing, so long story short my class is Saturday morning at 8, well I didn't get there until 9 but I told myself 30min of practice is better than none, well the instructor let me stay over into the next class (the next level of Piano) and I got to play along with that class.  To me that represented being ready for the next step, like seeing what they were playing made me realize I wasn't too far off and could be in the class come next time.  This also rings true for life.
- Naps, OMG, specifically on this couch I got from a friend years ago when she was moving.  The couch doesn't scream 'comfy' but I dozed on it while watching movies and those naps were so energizing, my sleep has been a bit wonky as I've had a lot of things coursing through it (marketing/writerly items) and I've been tired.
- Book a librarian on Friday with Mel was incredibly helpful (which reminds me, I  need to set up another appointment) … though Book a Librarian in general is an incredible resource so just grateful to it's existence and both Paul and Mel's help last week
- Moments of peace/being still

Okay, off to do some things to make it easier on Future Denise ^_^

Curate: Be Like Nature

Be patient.

Learn to be still.

Let go, more than you hold on.

I have to remind myself of this often.  And today I had another reminder when I was talking to my niece about something and found myself being pulled back, as if to hear it too.  I needed to remind myself.  And it's just now coming back to me as I sit down to write, after a day of trying to figure out social media and strategic planning.

Don't be a follower.  Now there's plenty of information out there when it comes to being a self published author and different hacks.  But there's been a sort of desperation in my prowess as of late that I keep getting sucked back into this idea of "I'VE GOTTA BE ON THIS PLATFORM TOO" that is sufficiently apt at destroying my love of the written word but also has me marching down a road I hadn't intended.

I'm still trying find balance.  I am still trying to figure out what will work for me. And I recognize that means 'trying' different things on a trial period and eventually cutting out what doesn't work.  

For instance I like Blogger, it's like my LiveJournal replacement, lol, but do I see a ton of traffic, not really.  But I post here mostly for me.  And it's the one thing that does feel true.  I do like posting on my Wix blog as well.  I think it's because it involves writing and some level of thinking.  I don't mind Twitter too much either despite seeing the potential time-suck of it (as well as one other problematic way of the platform).

But in trying out all these different platforms I have to be sure that my writing doesn't get lost in the process...

As I continue to practice patient with myself and try out this social media calendar next month, we shall see how things fare.

 

Mass Shootings Partially Inspired "The Three Year War"

I saw this article in my email from STL NPR regarding the link between Mass Shootings and Mental Illness.  I thought it was the full blown article but I'll actually need to go back to listen to the story (and may come back to update this post with my thoughts).

I always try to remain open to new ideas so seeing this article say 'debunking' the link caught my eye.  I'm curious what the story includes...

That said it might offer some additional perspective for the TYW.  I still haven't nailed down the outline for the second draft but will look at getting to that later this week.  Perhaps part of the reason is because there still a bit more information to be gathered... #JustifyingProcrastination

Plus I just wrote a long blog for my website (RE: Writing Meltdown) so this one will be short.

That said I forgot to post about the three things I was grateful for yesterday (or maybe I did... too lazy to check)… but I digress... so far today:
- Anger/Yelling (because sometimes you just gotta scream)
- Tranquility (because sometimes after you scream, you need a moment to be still)
- Remembering who you are and what you're about (shout out to Vacio #FantasyProject)

And I think that will have to be it.  About to head out for a recording room session at the library.

#TYW #ComingSoon

I'se outtie ^_^

Management Monday

In which Denise reflects on her weekly task.

I’ve recently shifted in doing my task list Monday - Sunday (i.e. 9/16 - 9/22).

I am also trying to be a bit more thoughtful regarding content and strategy as it relates to my blogging since I’ve just been going where the wind takes me.  I suspect I will continue on with this past but I’ll also have a posting plan as it relates to each platform.  Right now I’m going to try to target FB, Twitter, IG, and YT.  Currently I only have a profile on two of those so part of my to do list this week will include setting those up.

Which brings be into my ‘theme’ posts.  I had a lot of ideas for Monday’s like “Mental Health Minute”, “Motivational”, “Mindful”... etc.  And with my website blog I plan to try to hit one of those.  That said I’ll like play around this.  Trial and error.

I’m also playing around with my task list this week.  Normally I list everything out.(see image) and make little check boxes... this week I’m going to try something different and see how it goes.

That said the top three things I plan to focus on tackling this week are:
- Follow content calendar plan for the week
- Set up IG and YT channel
- NFD illustrations

As far as non-writing related items I’m going to look at tackling the following:
- Podcast (technically this is sort of writing related)
- Vacay planning
- Fall Garden

At any rate, will plan on posting earlier tomorrow and not so late.

Friday 13th

I am way sleepy.  Like entering that slap happy silly phase and eating/drinking to keep myself awake.   And I originally had this idea to blog about The Matrix and CarFox but I iz tired. Instead I will confirm that I complete the application for the fellowship last night at 11ish...

Oh gosh I think I also wanted to blog about this date as well.  

Not happening.

That said despite today not being as productive as the other days but productive in its own right I am grateful for the following:

- completing the grant application last night

- completing weekend grocery shopping

- scheduling/appointment synchronicity

- sample NFD spreads

- finally creating a week menu

- sticking to the dinner plans according to said menu

And with that, I’m thankful for another day.  I’m going to doze while watching The Mindy Project,, on season 5 now.  

Work, work, work ... Wait, have I said this before?

That song, lol...

At any rate.  Another quick post as today is the deadline for the grant and I still have a big thing to do for it.  I'm fairly sure I'll be working on getting this submitted up against the 11 o'clock hour.  But today's been productive at least.

I'm working off a separate to do list instead of my weekly one because I just had too much going on that needed to be done and I knew the list would help me to focus.  And so far I've done things in the order I've listed them.  Funny enough the list starts off with easy task (emails, follow up, scheduling events) then moves into more timely items (Writing, Illustrator) and then gets easy again (sort of).  But I'll be happy to at least achieve the submission for the grant, which is item #8 on the list, and the items that follow it are for TYW.

However I'm at the part of the list where I need to blog/tweet.

And thus I'm grateful for (so far today):
- confirming weekend writing retreat
- follow up for lunch meet up
- started planning for potential weekend trip
- wrote over 1500 words today
- random smiles
- walking with confidence

I also received my revised cover of MD yesterday.  I prefer the matte finish but the glossy does stand out.  However I think this probably helps with understanding why it looks different (based on my original expectations).

2019 Artist Fellowship Grant

It's that time of the year again.

In the process of submitting for the RAC STL Artist Fellowship.  In pulling up what I submitted for last year it was nice to update it to include:
- a website (rather than my blogger)
- author email
- projects I've completed (which meant adding two)
- upcoming releases
- additional skills

I know resumes are meant to be reflective of what you've learned but this is the first time I actually appreciated seeing what I've done and accomplished.  The artist resume is similar to a standard resume except it's meant for all your creative projects.

I'm not saying I never took pride in updating my regular resume but I tended to struggle with the words and there was the need to change it in order to cater to different job descriptions... I don't have that struggle with the artist resume.  I simply list the title of the project and the month I completed it.  I'm immediately transported back in time, tap a little into the feeling, and come away a bit more grateful.

Anywho, that said, the deadline is tomorrow and I still have quite a bit to prepare for it.  So this will be a quick entry.

But before I mosey a few things I'm grateful for:
- Had another great conversation last night w/ Ms. Gloria
- Had an interesting morning conversation with my self
- Wrote over 1k toward the new story

Okay... off to Illustrator and TYW task list... or maybe a slight break to look at the Pitch Wars site (still need to work on that)

^_^

The Challenge of Quieting One's Mind

I have to remember to be still.  Meditate.  Breathe deeply.  Relax... It's a constant challenge.

I'll be doing one task and remember something else I told myself not to forget so then I start working on it but then remember why I was doing the one task to begin with.  Then remember some phone call I need to return.  Or some prescription to fill.  Or some new blah blah blah… There is always.

This desire for being efficient sometimes gets in the way of flow.  And I've started to tell myself the minute I'm getting too wired up is the time I should just stop and breath/take a break.  And now that I've taken a quick break (will likely take another one).  I'm ready to do a quick post regarding task for the week (got 20 listed) and reflect on the accomplishments from last week.

So this week I've further concentrated some task.  My focus will remain to be NFD but with Pitch Wars submission nearing I will also work on task associated with it.  This week I plan to:
- Complete 1 spread
- Synopsis for TYW
- Newsletter

And some other stuffz ^_^

That said I'm grateful for:
- Being registered (paused and remarked on that as I looked at my plates today)
- Frequent SM involvement as far as tweeting/blogging

9/10 -
So I stared the above yesterday and didn't get the chance to post due to life but it's all good ^_^

Anywho a few things today that I'm grateful for -
- Lizzo ^_^
-  Avril Lavigne's "Complicated" and channeling teenage self while singing
- Peggy Oki's talk:

$5 Tuesday - The Angry Birds Movie p2

I was surprised by this movie.  It was actually pretty decent.  Granted I hadn’t seen the first movie but there was enough going on for me to understand some of what the plot likely was for the first movie. And I have to admit part of me is curious/might check it out.

I was also suprised by the voice actors.  Some voices I listened to and thought “that one sounds familiar”.  However the funniest thing was that I was POSITVE Tiffany Haddish was in the film and she was voicing the villian... well turns out I was half right :\

I can’t remember if there were a lot of adult ish jokes thrown in since there tend to be some... There probably was.  I definitely should’ve wrote this when the movie was fresh on my mind.

That said mi madres and I enjoyed it.  Wasn’t disappointed with seeing this (even though I had wanted to see “Peanut Butter Falcon” ... maybe next week).

A few things I’m grateful for today:
- Be Sociable marketing class offered thru the library
- Free drink from panera
- Smiles from strangers and random acts of kindness

Midsommar - Director’s Cut

When your Swedish roomie invites you to his commune for an event that happens every 90 years as their special guest, what have ye say...?

But let’s back track as that question is a bit misleading given the way things went down... There’s a bit more at work here with “Midsommar” which I enjoyed.  I’m sure there are references to things that totally went over my head.  However from just a shallow level of viewing the film I liked it and will talk about a few of the things I liked.

I liked the beginning.  The anxiety felt by the main character.  For me that was an easily accessible access point for my caring about the character and what she’s experiencing.  I lost some of that with her clinginess to the bf, but I got it.  And later on when she addresses the elephant in the room I appreciate her even more because she KNOWS what’s the deal but instead CHOOSES to continue on a path.  Like so many of us rather we are willing to be honest and admit to it (or not).

I like that she’s a Psych major; that there is something about her own inner turmoil and this new found isolation.  But mostly, and this took watching another YT review, addressing how we grieve.  And I think this is probably one of the big things I hadn't realized was a thing for me.  It had also been a focus in another work by this director... who I'm pretty sure I'm going to email and ask for him to take on MD.  You know when it gets optioned.

But getting back to the film...

Of course there was the typical moment of “WHY THE F*CK AREN’T YOU LEAVING?!” I imagine anyone who sees this movie will have this thought occur at the exact same time.  Though this is one of my problems that even if this commune is part of an anthropological thesis for two of the characters, at one point do you go ‘this doesn’t feel morally right...?’

And the ending, I did hit up YouTube to check out one take of it but I feel like an alignment happened.  That the chaos of the inside was now matching the outside.  Dani had found her 'home'.  My thoughts at least.

Anywho enjoyed this film and would recommend it to anyone who liked “Hereditary” since it’s by the same director (Ari Aster) or if you just enjoy a good psychological thriller.

A few other things to note before I wrap up.  When I purchased this ticket I hadn't realized it was the Director's Cut.  So I have not seen the shortened version but this one clocked in at nearly 3 hours.  And despite the length I really didn't mind it.  In fact it only crossed my mind near the end because my phone kept buzzing and I finally sneaked a peak.  I did some quick math and realized then "wait, I thought this movie was just 2 hours and some change".  I took the trailers into consideration but since this was a movie only re-released into theater for the labor day weekend I didn't bank on 20 minutes worth of trailers and I don't think that's what I got.

I DID get a  film whose original theatrical cut was long, which I didn't look too closely into upfront to know, but still worthy of my time.  I may go back and check out some of the other films that this film resembled, specifically Wicker Man, if/when I have time to.

Otherwise I look forward to this director's next project.  He's on the same mental list as M. Night Shyamalan for me.

Lastly three things I'm grateful for so far today:
- Peach Green Tea (w/ lemongrass and mint) Teavana makes me think of my childhood, or specifically having a sandwich on rye bread … might be hungry too :)
- synchronicity … when you can see it in play and things just magically align/fall into place
- lessons/opportunities to remember what it is we've forgotten that we've already learned
-

The Praying Mantis

Had a visitor today while heading out for a late lunch at Panera.

It’s funny because over the weekend during the cycling event, a smaller praying mantis had been pointed out to me.  My friend actually spotted it as it blended into the bark of the tree and ascended.  However it was tiny comprared to this one...

It’s almost as if it’s peaking from the side saying “Hey girl, I see you...”

I’m grateful to this fella, or wait, I decided she was a QUEEN... I’m grateful for being graced by her presence today.  She eventually flew away but it did give me pause.  I found joy in the moment.

Edit 9/6/19:

I had intended to hold off on positing this yesterday but I was like why not.  Then I remembered why I wanted to hold off last night.  Something in me said "look it up..."  

What did it mean to be paid a visit by the praying mantis?  Because here's the thing it didn't feel like a coincidence.  The fact one had been brought to my attention over the weekend while at the cycling event, something I'd been excited to attend for the break and just relaxation aspect, seemed to be a message.  

Last night I did a quick google search and came across this -

Overwhelmingly in most cultures the mantis is a symbol of stillness. As such, she is an ambassador from the animal kingdom giving testimony to the benefits of meditation, and calming our minds. An appearance from the mantis is a message to be still, go within, meditate, get quite and reach a place of calm... (via USmantis -  Praying Mantis Symbolism)

This is in line with where my thoughts have been, what I've been reminding myself and trying to do  It is a difficult task - to be still.  But it is getting easier and easier each day.

Again, I'm grateful for the surprise visit and looking into the eyes of this Queen (I still say she was a she ^_^).

Book Bingo

One of the task I gave myself for the week was to treat myself to something unexpected.  I had jokingly gave an example of "finish a book" which I surprisingly did last night.

But I had more so been leaning toward a random movie as I've been wanting to check out "Midsommar" now that its back at theaters.  Long story short I had a meltdown with myself this morning.  Feeling as though, recognizing, I have this habit of wanting to do something for myself but then loading a bunch of things in front of it (in trying to take care of others) that I put myself behind.

It was a mixed emotion of anger but really, mostly, hurt from the callout.  So then my plans for the morning started to stray from the direction but I kept reminding myself that it'll work out, whatever needs to happen will happen.

And thus in returning some overdue items to the library I decide I'll camp out to work.  Well as I was returning some books and DVD's explaining an issue with one of them that I previously tried to return (DVD box didn't align to the actual DVD, turns out I checked it out that way) and noticed there was activity in the meeting room.  It hit me at that moment that I had my treat ^_^

So I played Book Bingo, won 4 tickets that I was able to redeem for items the library had on their Sale Shelf which were "Becoming" by Michelle Obama (been meaning to check it out) and a few DVDs - "La La Land", "Kubo & the Two Strings", and "Black Panther".  The movies are ones I've seen that I like re-watching.

But the reason for the post isn't about the goodies.  And not about the fact I managed this task by DOUBLE treating myself (bingo plus finishing a book).

The post is about the morning meltdown to myself.

The post is about how I played Book Bingo.

It's about how I chose to win my day.

Let me explain... Something happened, really simple, while playing book bingo.  Bingo is an easy game.  Letter/number combination called out and you mark your card if you have it, wait until you have a line (horizontal or vertical) or four corners covered before shouting "BINGO!"

I learned something about myself while playing the game.  Because I decided to step back and take note on how I played a simple game.  How my mind strategized.  The want to swap out cards when I would seemingly get close to a win but then didn't.  The order in which I held my chips.  The fact there needed to be order.  The intent, the memorizing the numbers I needed to hear to achieve the goal.  The voice that kept whispering to relax, just have fun, be present and just enjoy the moment...

When I remembered this or gave myself permission to let go and just be free, to lessen the reigns I won.  And said aloud "I was starting to think I wasn't going to win..."

Aye, that thought, the moment I said it I had to acknowledge it.  What I was saying.  What I wasn't saying...

So I let go.  And tried to remember to let go.  Be okay when I dropped a chipped or if I wasn't holding them in my left hand a particular way.  Or that I missed some numbers.  It was going to be okay.  I would be okay.  It felt like something larger was taking shape and before I knew it I won again.  And again.  And again.

I looked at the bowl of chips as the abundance that life offers.  That all I need but do is reach over and grab it.  I don't need to be afraid.  I don't need to control....

So yeah... I treated myself to something unexpected today.  I'm grateful for the continued opportunities where I do step back.

Three things I'm grateful for today:
- Intent, the ability to focus and hone our attention
- the new story, ready to jump back into it and add some words
- libraries... they are so frickin' great, makes me think about MD

Speaking of, finally got the new cover uploaded yesterday!  Will hopefully push it by next week.

And I shall be off.  Going to try to get in some words.

Tasks for 9/4 - 9/7 & Highlights from Last Week

It is cold... Decided to wear a dress today and knew I might get cold so I made sure to bring a jacket but yeah, I digress.

So the task list for this week is shortened to just 25 things!  I mean, it's always been over 30 items listed but given the short week (today being the first day I'm sitting down to work) plus just progress in general, I'm okay with not making the list super crazy.

That said a few things I plan to go hard with it this week:
- Complete 1 NFD spread
- Outline 2nd draft for TYW
- Write

And a few highlights from last week:
- completed grant submission
- replaced plates
- lots of project time toward NFD and the website

Anywho this shall be a quick post so I can buckle down and knock out some stuff.

But before I mosey off... a few things I'm grateful for so far today:
- reliable transportation
- mi madres
- GPS (both human and technology wise)

93 on 9/3

Happy September!

Time sort of slipped away from me the past few days.  A little bit of activity plus the onset of shark week and the holiday.  I didn’t get around to making a week to do list like I typically do on Sunday’s nor did I post the accomplishments from last week.

I did blog a lot, maybe about 8 or 9 post between this site and my website.  Which I consider a win, something I’m grateful for.  Grateful for my positive attitude despite the many things that have attempted to bring me down but I’ve given them their moment and moved forward.  One such thing involved the 4 hours of studio work no longer on my drive...

And still I rise.

So while I don’t have a plan laid out for this week I do need to acknowledge that it is now September.  And September I intended to focus on TYW or TSP, most likely TYW.  However I’m still working on NFD.  With what’s left of the week I may try my task out differently.  And keep balance in mind as I did just give myself most of the day today to chill.  Was lethargic/energy depleted yesterday and in pain today due to shark week.  Feeling better now though!  And ready to tackle some ish.

An author, Vivian Ries I believe (will have to double check) has declared this month ‘Self Care September’.  I feel as though I’ve tried to be vigilant with this especially when I make out task lists for myself and drop 1-2 fun things on there and a few easy task to knock out.  Knowing my personality I feel that by being mindful of the task I’m giving myself it is a form of self care within itself.

Also currently treating myself to a croissant from Aldi’s and Mango Black Teavana.  I feel fancy ^_^. I really intended to make some warm milk to eat with the croissant but might have to save that for tomorrow.

I am rambling.

Anywho will plan on posting a few goals for the week tomorrow and what I accomplished last week as well.

To close, a few things I’m grateful for today:

- Building relationships ... I stopped at Walgreens twice today and most of people at the pharmacy recognize me and tend to know who I’m picking up for.  But over time I’ve learned names and have seen some outside of the store and chatted with them.  Tonight one of them shared the news that they were officially a pharmacist.  Why am I grateful for this?  Well one I’m happy for her and two, just the human connection, her sharing that news.  So many of us don’t take a pause to get to know another person or people we see often and learn a little bit of their life.  I think it’s good to let people know you care.  And it feels good in general...  that said we all have something going on so don’t feel bad if you can’t.   /ramble #2

- croissant and tea ^_^

- heating pads

- running water/hot showers

- gettting engrossed in a book

- quiet/relaxing meditations

- better at being still

- less anxiety/doubt/worry/fear

- moments of feeling centered and uber present

- being able to detach more and more

- recognizing the opportunity with every challenge

- being able to be thankful immediately afterwards

- great conversations with friends (rather it’s about movies or life) ... watched 3 Billboards with a friend over the weekend and it was nice being able to talk with someone about it

Beautiful weather (attended annual cycling event on the Hill this past weekend)

- Great friends, so appreciative for being invited to the event each year and its relaxed also the watermelon was grrrrrrrrreat (even had some yellow watermelon)

- the gift of sight, it was nice just sitting on the porch observing everything and later reading a bit

Okay.  I should be done.  I’m making up for the other days I didn’t blog.  Off to read a bit and pass out.  Here’s to knocking some some stuff out :D

Also a video from the race -

Mental Health Days

Today I opted to give myself a day off.  Initially it started off with the reason of “OMG, I have one more day, I really need to finish this book...”

But per my usual my mind fought to give myself task and things to do.  And I fought back to be like ‘’nann chick, relax read that book and if you ain’t feeling it after 2-3 more chapters let it go...’. I struggle with giving up on books.  I’ve had one DNF that I knew I wouldn’t pick back up.

At any rate I did get some reading in but didn’t finish the book :(

I’m going to read a bit more tonight but I suspect this might be a DNF.  I’m not sure what it is but I’m just not drawn into the story and at this point there are other stories I do want to read.  Plus I’ve been in and out of a reading slump so I really need to find something that does interest me.  And feel less giuilty about not completing this one.

But the reason for this post it occurred to me that often times we take mental health days as a “I NEED TO RECHARGE/ GET AWAY FROM LIFE” type thing.  That wasn’t the case for me today.  Honestly I took the day because I wanted it.  I’ve earned it.  And hell if I didn’t.  It’s my life.  Ish will work out ^_^

So no classwork today.  No illustrations, website work, etc... just me.  Spent some time with mi madres out on the porch enjoying the beautiful weather while the grass got cut.  Wished her luck on lotto tix, met up with a friend from church and took 2 of the kids with me (they got to play in the play area for 3 hours while we had a deep/engaging thoughts regarding life, the world, and healing).

The type of conversation I enjoy having and being with someone open.  Open to explore the weird and unexplainable and share different ideas.  It’s the type of conversation where there is teaching/learning happening and it’s constantly being flipped as to whose in the driver sear of teacher or student (or both for that matter).

I’m grateful for:
- Distance and the perspective it offers
- Good/positive souls
- McDonald’s play area :)
- Kids (as they are great teachers)
- a bed (as I’m about to go pass out ^_^)

Is It Easier To Drown Rather Than Float...?

Last night, just before I passed out the title that came to mind for this post was a bit more clever.  Well it wasn't clever (because I would have fought the lazy and wrote it down) but I liked it.  I knew I was going to write about it and interestingly enough when I logged on fb I saw a similar message.

Synchronicity...  But I digress.

When you listen to your thoughts, or rather pay attention to them, is it more convenient to let them spiral rather than work to correct them?  Or for that matter, what I realized last night, is it far more easier to maintain negative thought patterns, and I mean let your mind just run down doom and gloom scenarios versus happy uplifting thoughts...?

Think about it.  Do negative thoughts have free reign on your mind?  When you are down do they get a cap?  And think when you are in a positive mindset, does it stay that way for long or do you find a way to clip the wings of the pretty picture and inform yourself 'why it can't work...'?

It's an interesting thing to realize that, up until this point, I did sometimes let negative thoughts go wild and it was far more easier to disrupt happy thoughts with the potential for why it couldn't last long.  There seems to be a comfort there with the negative thought patterns.  It's easier to be in that place.... Why?

Now this is where one could take up the action of blame - "Well the world we live in is...." or "When I was growing up my parents, siblings, ….", "Someone made me feel...".

Stop.... So I've been posting quotes on my Twitter acct recently and one of my favorites is from Eleanor Roosevelt, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Aw, ownership, that word again.  There is a shift in mentality that needs to take place.  And in the glimpses of when we are of sound mind we have to make sure to do our 'work' to be mindful, conscious of these thought patterns and correct them.

I recognized last night, as I lay in the bed tired, weary and wanting to pass out but too lazy to write down the idea for this blog post that to be of a more forward/positive thinker requires a LOT of EF'N work.  And thus it is easier to drown, it's far easier to lay there and believe ish is happening to you.

Nann chick.  Break that pattern.  You have that choice.  You have that POWER.

This has been a motivational minute with Denise ^_^

That said I am grateful for:
- Morning talks with neighbors
- People looking out for you and your interest
- Colors, the vibrancy of life

Chugging Along with the Website

I am grateful for the time I got last week and today with working on the website.  Over 90+ minutes today and will plan on tweaking it more later this week.  All plan on sharing the website address soon too.

I'm trying to keep it simple as to avoid clutter and a reasonable maintenance.

There seems to be a lot of things I'm trying to accomplish in the August/September timeframe.  Ideally this month I'll complete my illustrations for NFD, launch the website, and be starting the second draft of TYW.

I can do it.

I can do it :)

Three things I'm grateful for:
- Morning walk
- Morning warm/hot shower
- Clean drinking water

And just a few more things as I've been catching myself become happy at small things:
- Time on my website and the progress I've made
- Learning, as challenges present themselves, rewiring so I can tackle it
- Remote office from the library
- NPR :)
- Quiet spaces

And I'm off to catch up in the Photoshop course.

Random pic of me from the SEC picnic -

The Final Week of August

I did not get around to writing yesterday.  Working to work on a healthier balance of things.

That said Piano class going again and I”m excited.  I had thought getting to lesson 10 would be a good goal for the year but I plan to pull back that on that.  Getting to lesson 10 is near the end of the book.  And I’m still more comfortable in the L2/L3 arena.  Lesson 7 comes of mind but I’ll take a look at the book this week to confirm.  I forget how hard that 8am class is but it’s getting easier to become a morning person, especially with getting up to walk the kids to school.  Though, ngl, grateful there’s no class this Saturday since I’d like to sleep in.

For my status last week, here are some tasks I was able to accomplish:
- Blogged 5x
- NFD project time
- Dedicated website time
- Knocked out personal task (class & car registration)
- Watched a few movies
      - Friday night: “Angel Has Fallen”
      - Saturday night-in: “Pet Sematary” and “Dumbo”

I’m still trying to get around to watching “If Beale Street Could Talk” and still haven’t went to the movies to see “The Lion King”.  Maybe this week I will.

The task list for this week has gone down.  I’ve gotten better and listing the task I want to achieve also there’s just the fact that I’ve been knocking out things each week and not needing to transfer stuff over.  Items like ‘dedication time to blah blah’ do transfer each week until the project is complete.  But I’m officially done with car stuff until November.

This week I had about 24 items but added more to make it an even 30.  For this week there will be the continued time toward NFD and my website.  But what I’d like to hit on this week is researching marketing and really go hard with NFD this week since August was intended to be focused on it.  I’ve delayed any work for Pitch Wars but still plan on submitting for it.

And I think that’s it.  But before I wrap up I just want to call out three things I’m thankful for.  As part of my blogging I’m going to begin to incorporate this.  I did it before and fell off but I am feeling more and more each day.  So I plan to keep up this go around.

Three things I’m grateful for today:
- Honest conversation, being overwhelmed/joyful to the point tears form
- Spiritual community and loving souls
- This wireless keyboard a corker gave me (as I’m using it now to write this entry on my phone ^_^)

And now I must find the charger for said keyboard.  Off to work on completing a lesson and eating my pancakes from this morning.

Pic from fb (Holistic Reiki) ... It reminded me a lot of the “Anyway” poem-

Status & Saturday To Do .... Just Breathe

This shall be a quick post.

The week for the most part has been productive.   But I’m wondering if I might want to shift my “week to do” out a bit...  To more of a Monday - Sunday type deal rather than Sunday-Saturday.

I was tempted to do a “Weekend to Do” based on focusing on a few items from the week task but realized that Sunday is technically the start of a new task list.... so I’m modeling.  I realize I create my own confines ^_^. That said I might change it.

Today I worked on an author bio and working on adding it to the site.  I’m also thinking through social media as far as where I want to have a space.  For the most part I enjoy my privacy.  That said I will look at Twitter and YouTube.  I don’t see myself doing Pinterest or Instagram.  But we’ll see.

Tomorrow I do have a few things already scheduled.  But part of me would like to dedicate the day to either finishing a book or catching up in my Photoshop class (4 lessons as of today).  In CS6 I just need to do L4 (which came out today) and for Editing part of L2, L3, and L4 (but I’ve done some of these lessons before when I took the course previously so it shouldn’t take long).

I have an early start tomorrow with class in the morning so that should get me going.  Lot of options for things to do.  Will see how the day goes but I’ll have a frame of what I’d like to do.

Any weekend plans?  Things to do that you feel MUST be done?  Or is the weekend best left for relaxing and recharging...?

NFD Audio Snippet

This shall be a quick entry unless I determine I need to write more :)

Today (Tuesday 8/20, as I know I'll end up posting this later) I did another session at the library.  Last week I mistakenly bounced the wrong two tracks.  Which wasn't bad as it gave me the opportunity to focus on my Ned voice.  I recorded a track of me just reading/practicing his dialogue versus bouncing the piano track and my entire read thru.  Mai pen rai, tis swift...

Hopefully at the time of this posting I'll have more an update of the week.  Thus far I've hit my goal for project time in regard to NFD but I know I'll need to add more to it.  I also have to make time for the website.

I am going to pat myself on the back for the progress I've made AND getting the car registered/new plates (thought I was just getting stickers but appears the State design has changed).  

Ned Finally Died

… And I'm adding.

It's Thursday 8/22 :)

I made a lot of progress the last couple days.  Yesterday was a late night but I'm just about caught up in the Illustrator class (which crashed on me after a series of 'Edit Undos').  I messed up my snowman, lol but 'tis swift, live and learn :)

I also started my website.  Here's to having it live by the end of August, sweeeet ^_^

Today I'll have a similar focus.  Catch up on classes, practice in Illustrator, should have enough under my belt to attempt another NFD illustration today.

I won't go as late today as I need to bake cookies for a pot luck AND I need to remember balance.  I intend to make tomorrow a light day.  Planning to take mi madres to a movie after an appointment.

I had started to make a post or rather talk about being judgmental, something I believe I've recognized before about myself and might've blogged about it before but I think I'm okay to hold off.  However I will say the more qualities you can acknowledge about yourself, the better able you are to do the 'work'.

Allergic to Ownership? Whose to Blame? ...Really?

I had originally planned on posting an audio clip of me reading "Ned Finally Died" but as I was settling down to do some work I noticed a headline that read something along the lines of "Another Brand Disappearing Because Millennials Refuse to Buy..."

I paraphrase.  But it doesn't matter really.  Open a Google search, enter millennials, and there's likely a slew of articles about what this demographic is destroying.  When did we, people, society, culture begin to find it acceptable to place 'blame'?  When did ownership die?  Is this an American thing?  Or is it more widespread?

Instead of looking at our part for a situation and having an honest look at our contribution are we, most of us, doomed to cycle through a never-ending blame game?  I hope not.  In fact I don't believe so.

Recently I've been observing this need to blame, with myself, family, and those around me.  I catch myself when I find my mind coming up with an excuse/reason for why something isn't done or if I've made a mistake.

An example of this if I'm cooking and one of the kids suddenly decides it's time to play 20 questions.  Next thing I know something has burned or I've opened a container to wide and something has spilled.  The immediate reaction is to go "well they distracted me from the task..."

But did the kids really distract me?  Or did I make a decision to try to do both?  Did I decide to continue on with the task and listen to them at the same time?  Did I decide not to ask them to wait for me to finish?  Did I...?  Not them.  Did I.  Me.

Now when it happens and I make a mistake I own it.  I say "I should've paid more attention.  I should slow down.  I should've paid more attention..."

As I tell the kids, as it has been a theme that I try to instill in them frequently, no one is inside your head controlling you like a puppet.  No one is moving your body.  You have a choice.  Even when you think you don't.

Now if you're of the mindset that there is no such thing as free will, then that's a whole other conversation but the kids don't understand that concept nor do most adults.

So I default to the fact that a lot of us look to others for the problems in our life rather than try to sit down and take a conscious look.  What were the decisions that got me here?  What am I doing?  Am I repeating behaviors?  Are there habits that I do when presented with a situation that I continue to do?  Have I tried to react differently?

When we can be mindful in a moment of adversity by becoming the observer (neutral) we can become free of a cycle.  Step one to that is accepting ownership I believe.

Are there thoughts, negative in nature, that I manifest?  Do I feel I am worthy of love and acceptance in my life?  Or do I put out certain thoughts that are the opposite in nature?

So much of what we experience is what we project.  What is the reality your creating?  How are you curating your mind... the world around you...?

Ownership.  Own it.

One step closer to loving your Self when you can answer and address the thoughts as they occur.

/ramble

So tomorrow, pending nothing gets on my radar, I'll post my snipped of NFD.

But the goal for today will be working on the website and catch up in the Illustrator class.

Also just to have a pic in the entry, here's the updated/revised MD cover.  I took this pic while in the RR yesterday.  I love the large monitors.  Have to make that as a gift to myself to invest in one day soon.

Anywho, I still need to upload it on Amazon/Kindle.  Planning to do that later today or tomorrow.

The Recording Room at SLPL

I started this draft last week (mostly likely Friday or Saturday) but since I didn't have photos from the RR, I held off on posting.  Plus I like have blogs in queue for busy days.  That said I did take pics from today's session and will tackle them onto this entry.  Plan on posting an audio clip soon ish..  Anywho without further ado.... … …

My next ‘three’ are starting to present themselves.  The three things of focus that I’ll need to work on in order to continue this path I’m on.  The first three had involved work and relationships (family and romantic).  For the most part one of the items is still in progress but the other two have been taken care of to some extent and have thus slowly migrated from the radar.  But I feel like I’m starting to see another cycle in development that ultimately will have me standing in my own truth... morning ramble for ya...

AT ANY RATE :)

Thursday was AMAZEBALLZ.  Usually I look or do some form or research for things.  And with the Recording Room I did attempt to attend the orientation they were having on Monday (despite it being my sister’s birthday) BUT that didn’t work out since they were full and even with being waitlisted, still no go.

So I went into a recording studio with little to no idea of what I was doing.  But Wes was so f**kin helpful and took time answering my questions, showing me the software.  I opted to work in ProTools vs Audacity because, as I told him, I am the type to take on whatever I’m taught and just stick with it.  So I went for the more complicated audio tool and glad for it.  Now that I do know a bit more I’ll definitely have a task next week around learning more.  I also booked more time in the recording room.  Next week I’ll post a snippet of the audio :)

The room also has a piano so I was able to work on the piano sounds to play on the track of me doing the reading.  I am SO excited and just overwhelmed by yesterday that I’m tearing up because it feels so ef’n good.  LOL and one of these days I’ll stop censoring myself so much.

I also treated myself to Hilayan Yeti.  After being disappintemented over the weekend for not making it, I made sure after the recording room session that I would go.  I was soooo stuffed.  Came home to walk the kids home school and then started dinner.  We were supposed to go to a birthday party but I am no longer rewarding bad behavior.  I feel we all have so many privileges we are granted in life and we take it for granted daily or don’t show respect to it.  Rather thats a friendship or our body itself..  And I feel the kids don’t recognize just how much is done for them so I put my foot down and decided to no longer give my time or energy toward anyone that hasn’t earned it.  Not everyone deserves your favor but kindness is something we all do.

It’s possible a lesson in life might change my mind about that but for now I’m working with that understanding.  I say that because its a concept I’m wrestling with now.  Especially in my leaning forward/‘say ‘yes’ ideals.

Anywho, a pic of the recording room :)

Week of 8/18 - 8/24

The task, rather target, list has come down this week.  As I go through each week I try to figure out way to streamline the list and makes items achievable.  I’ve also tried to ensure I have a few light items or things on there intended to be fun for me.

Right now there are 30 boxes and 29 items listed.  I’m trying to come up with something fun to give myself as a task this week.  Maybe I should put napping on there.   And not just napping at home but random places.  Like last week in one of the private rooms at the library I took a 10-15 min nap and it was needed.  Was able to finish up once I got the nap in.  I’d like to have the item figured out today but maybe I’ll just let it remain blank, give myself a freebie task and just allow the universe to open something for me and its then I’ll know.  “Yep this is it :)”

That said I do have some general things I want to accomplish this week since we’re coming upon the last week of August next week.  So this week I plan on taking a big focus on NFD and working on a website.  If I do anything with TYW this week it’ll be to outline the 2nd draft.  I’d also like to get caught up on classes this week.  And hopefully I’ll get the car registered later today (or sometime this week).  I’m grateful I’ve had the funds to take care of various things for it.

So in a nutshell a few things from the list of 29 (30?) that I will plan to achieve:
- NFD 2+ hours
- Car tags
- Something fun ^_^

Will plan to post about the recording room at SLPL soon too.

Voices in My Head

Do you ever prep for an eventual argument?  Is there a figure in your life (family, friend, spouse, coworker, etc) that you'll sometimes have a conversation with inside your head?  At least have a conversation of your mind's version of them.

I don't think this is isolated to just me.  Or something specific to writers.  Though if it is, I'm leaning into my crazy as always :)  I love me and all my nutty weird ways ^_^

That said have you ever looked at the type of conversations those appear to be?  Who they often involve?  For instance if you're debating or having an argument is it often with a sibling or spouse?  Coworker?

When you're bouncing ideas off of someone and sharing something exciting who do you envision you're telling?

When you are seeking advice who do you have that conversation with?

If you're having a full out complaint session is there that one person you can bare it all to?  Or maybe it's a group of friends over drinks...?  Or if you're me it's one person in a quiet setting that just listens as you pour it out...

Do the people change depending on the scenario?  Or is it the same person/people each time?

I believe in getting to know our Self it's important to look at these conversations and break them down as they happen.  The answer won't always be immediate but it's the first step in getting into a more loving relationship with our Self.  And not only that but understand what these people represent..?  What is it that they mirror that exist within us?

For me I've noticed that when I'm seeking advice I usually call to mind one of my friends and have a conversation with her because she most often seems centered and open.  Then again when I'm debating I call another friend to mind whose similar in thought pattern.

When I'm sharing some excited news or foaming at the idea over a story my coworkers come to mind.

I used to mentally prepare for an argument with my sister.  But I catch myself now.  And I stop it.  Because I now recognize I'm putting something out there by doing that.  And it doesn't have to be that way.

Leaning by unlearning.  Unraveling past behaviors.  Taking a step back as often as I can catch myself and rewire habits I needed in order to survive.  Recognizing I don't need to be that person any longer.  She's grown past that.

I intend to thrive.

Status for the week of 8/11 - 8/17

And what say ye...

What have ye completed this week?  Stuff?  More stuff?  Elaborate stuff?

Well done :)

A few things checked off this week:
- Car stuff done (as far as safety and emissions)… need to actually get tags/stickers now that this piece and personal property have been taken care of
  - Got 3 new tires too and the car definitely feels/drives different :)
- Blogged 4x time this week
- COMPLETED TYW INDEX CARDS .. woo woo
- Process 10 items from the 'to do' bin 3x this week
- Exercised for at least 30 min 3x (based on walking to school)
- Recording room … ZOMG... will blog about that experience

And there is still some time left to the day.  I'm going to try to color an image while at the library (or maybe later at Panera) and start working on the outline for the second draft.  But that said this has been a productive week.

Overall I checked off 12 items (so far) rom my task list of 35 items, about a third.  And a lot of things will definitely migrate over to next week and some things I'll put on hold (or maybe I will capture them, just so I don't lose track).  I know I'll likely breakdown my effort toward NFD differently since I'm still working on the illustrations and audio bits.  To try to roll things up a bit I'll map time around this project... maybe...

I actually have had trouble with dedicated time toward building a website but I still have nearly half of August left to tackle these things.  But I also still need to prepare for Pitch Wars if I plan on doing it.  I'm still looking through the list of mentors and keep changing my mind about which project I want to use for it (I have two in mind).

Anywho let me try to get in some coloring time.  I may update this if I do get in a bit more today ^_^

Update: So I did figure out how to color one of my scans. Still haven’t figured out how to do it within illustrator.  Pretty sure I’m going to take some time to look at more illustrator vids next week. But here’s a pic of one of my doodles.

Dinosaurs at the Beach-

$5 Tuesday - Scary Stories To Tell in the Dark

In a 'just being in the moment' I decided to go to the movies on Tuesday.  I took mi madres and we went to see "Scary Stories To Tell in the Dark".  A movie that was not on my radar whatsoever.  In fact I still haven't seen "The Lion King"  but something about the film drew me.  Probably the names involved and having a soft spot for "Pan's Labyrinth".

I'd been avoiding watching Horror films.  But over the weekend I finally watched "Hereditary" and its creepy, apparently similar to another movie according to my sister.  But it was creepy enough that I knew I didn't want to watch it late and have to 'brain bleach' my mind with "The Mindy Project".  But I digress...

SSTTIND wasn't too bad.  Given that it's based on a children's book it wasn't terribly gruesome but still had it's scary moments.  I checked with mi madres afterwards and the first incident was the scariest for her.  But it does give me an idea... still percolating a bit.

I also noted, aside from me moving more into 'me' and leaning into this idea of just moving forward and saying 'yes' I was reminded of a movie I'd watched the previous night.  "This Is Where I Leave You" and Jason Bateman's character with this mapped out ideal of life.  At the end of the movie when he has the chance to just return home to NY, after 'borrowing' his brother's car, or head toward Maine he diverts and takes the Maine exit.  I felt going to the theater on a random Tuesday was something outside my usual.

How often are we called onto an adventure?  How often do we divert from the well worn road?  The known path?  I'm definitely not the person to go off the beaten path often, or up until this point I didn't think I was but now I'm leaning forward.  I'm now saying 'yes'.  And I think that part of me, has always been part of me.  How else could I have traveled solo for the first time all those years ago...

We aren't going to always dive.  Some of us have a lot of work to do to get to that person, our true selves, even as that persons beats against the cage we keep them in.  Or maybe it's not a cage.  Maybe it's a decorated room that's comfortable.  It has everything we need and yet some part of us looks outside the window yearning for something we can't name...

I guess what I want to say or acknowledge is that everything happens at it's own time.  We won't always lean in and it might take a few cycles before we do.  But that's okay.  Because growth requires/needs patience.

Reminds me of something Rev. Phyllis has said, and I paraphrase, "patience must have her perfect work..."

Well I definitely went off on a tangent again.  All good :D

Task for the week of 8/11 - 8/17

There are 34 tasks on the list this week, some are rollovers from the previous week.  Technically 35 since I forgot one but gave myself credit for doing it :)

I'm off to a slow start this week with school starting up BUT finally sitting down to knock out some things.  Per usual my goal is still to target completing 3 task this week.  And a daily goal of checking off 3 things (which I've not been great at thus far this week).  Some of my task have a further breakdown (for instance I have one box that says to "Blog 4x this week" and have drawn out 4 smaller boxes to indicate each time I've accomplished one).  Might be a nutty system but it works for me.

Anywho of my task this week I plan on accomplishing something in the arena of each project.  For instance I want to complete a task around NFD, TYW, and learning (completing a lesson plan or signing up for a course through STLCC).

Forgot to mention that this has been a busy week which is why Wednesday was the start of the work week.  Sunday was the MSC anniversary party, Monday was my sister's birthday, and Tuesday was the start of school.

I like adding photos to my post... so here's a random pic of my feet and kettle popcorn from the Pentatonix concert :) Also the tacos I got were soooo good but they were demolished pretty quickly so there’s no photo evidence of them.

Learning How to Love Self

I am on a journey when it comes to this. What it’s meant is constantly catching myself when doubt, fear, or anxiety seeps in and doing one of two things:
- Banishing the thought (I sometimes visually use my finger as a wand and pull the negative thought from my mind then flick it in the trash)
- Taking that exact moment to have an honest conversation with myself

It’s constant work but I am seeing the benefit. I am getting better at it. I feel I am making better choices because of it and I’m feeling more. Not just in zombie mode but seeing things and being overwhelmed by it.

Learning to love our self wherever we are at this current moment is hard. But I welcome the challenge because I am learning a lot about me and in the process of doing that growing. Today’s discovery was patience. I preach but how often do I give it to myself and I noticed myself wanting to just do something just to “have it done with”. And I had to remind myself tiny steps work too, tiny steps got me to where I am. It’s okay to be patient. And tested up acknowledging that I do have this “thing” in me to make it happen “ALL RIGHT NOW”...  And because I recognized it, addressed it, and affirmed that I am okay. Will be okay. Trust the process and my path I am freer.

That said wanted to share some weekend activities I did as a way of treating myself:
- Went and had my hair washed on Friday
- Spent time at the library Saturday
- Treated myself to a masssage and concert Sunday

Sunday I also made my Mac n cheese and green beans for the Anniversary party at MSC. I wanted to do more but greatful that I got up in time to do the bit I did.

Going to get a few more post on the queue and then finish up the index cards for TYW.

A few pix from the weekend: