Mental Health Days

Today I opted to give myself a day off.  Initially it started off with the reason of “OMG, I have one more day, I really need to finish this book...”

But per my usual my mind fought to give myself task and things to do.  And I fought back to be like ‘’nann chick, relax read that book and if you ain’t feeling it after 2-3 more chapters let it go...’. I struggle with giving up on books.  I’ve had one DNF that I knew I wouldn’t pick back up.

At any rate I did get some reading in but didn’t finish the book :(

I’m going to read a bit more tonight but I suspect this might be a DNF.  I’m not sure what it is but I’m just not drawn into the story and at this point there are other stories I do want to read.  Plus I’ve been in and out of a reading slump so I really need to find something that does interest me.  And feel less giuilty about not completing this one.

But the reason for this post it occurred to me that often times we take mental health days as a “I NEED TO RECHARGE/ GET AWAY FROM LIFE” type thing.  That wasn’t the case for me today.  Honestly I took the day because I wanted it.  I’ve earned it.  And hell if I didn’t.  It’s my life.  Ish will work out ^_^

So no classwork today.  No illustrations, website work, etc... just me.  Spent some time with mi madres out on the porch enjoying the beautiful weather while the grass got cut.  Wished her luck on lotto tix, met up with a friend from church and took 2 of the kids with me (they got to play in the play area for 3 hours while we had a deep/engaging thoughts regarding life, the world, and healing).

The type of conversation I enjoy having and being with someone open.  Open to explore the weird and unexplainable and share different ideas.  It’s the type of conversation where there is teaching/learning happening and it’s constantly being flipped as to whose in the driver sear of teacher or student (or both for that matter).

I’m grateful for:
- Distance and the perspective it offers
- Good/positive souls
- McDonald’s play area :)
- Kids (as they are great teachers)
- a bed (as I’m about to go pass out ^_^)

Is It Easier To Drown Rather Than Float...?

Last night, just before I passed out the title that came to mind for this post was a bit more clever.  Well it wasn't clever (because I would have fought the lazy and wrote it down) but I liked it.  I knew I was going to write about it and interestingly enough when I logged on fb I saw a similar message.

Synchronicity...  But I digress.

When you listen to your thoughts, or rather pay attention to them, is it more convenient to let them spiral rather than work to correct them?  Or for that matter, what I realized last night, is it far more easier to maintain negative thought patterns, and I mean let your mind just run down doom and gloom scenarios versus happy uplifting thoughts...?

Think about it.  Do negative thoughts have free reign on your mind?  When you are down do they get a cap?  And think when you are in a positive mindset, does it stay that way for long or do you find a way to clip the wings of the pretty picture and inform yourself 'why it can't work...'?

It's an interesting thing to realize that, up until this point, I did sometimes let negative thoughts go wild and it was far more easier to disrupt happy thoughts with the potential for why it couldn't last long.  There seems to be a comfort there with the negative thought patterns.  It's easier to be in that place.... Why?

Now this is where one could take up the action of blame - "Well the world we live in is...." or "When I was growing up my parents, siblings, ….", "Someone made me feel...".

Stop.... So I've been posting quotes on my Twitter acct recently and one of my favorites is from Eleanor Roosevelt, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Aw, ownership, that word again.  There is a shift in mentality that needs to take place.  And in the glimpses of when we are of sound mind we have to make sure to do our 'work' to be mindful, conscious of these thought patterns and correct them.

I recognized last night, as I lay in the bed tired, weary and wanting to pass out but too lazy to write down the idea for this blog post that to be of a more forward/positive thinker requires a LOT of EF'N work.  And thus it is easier to drown, it's far easier to lay there and believe ish is happening to you.

Nann chick.  Break that pattern.  You have that choice.  You have that POWER.

This has been a motivational minute with Denise ^_^

That said I am grateful for:
- Morning talks with neighbors
- People looking out for you and your interest
- Colors, the vibrancy of life

Chugging Along with the Website

I am grateful for the time I got last week and today with working on the website.  Over 90+ minutes today and will plan on tweaking it more later this week.  All plan on sharing the website address soon too.

I'm trying to keep it simple as to avoid clutter and a reasonable maintenance.

There seems to be a lot of things I'm trying to accomplish in the August/September timeframe.  Ideally this month I'll complete my illustrations for NFD, launch the website, and be starting the second draft of TYW.

I can do it.

I can do it :)

Three things I'm grateful for:
- Morning walk
- Morning warm/hot shower
- Clean drinking water

And just a few more things as I've been catching myself become happy at small things:
- Time on my website and the progress I've made
- Learning, as challenges present themselves, rewiring so I can tackle it
- Remote office from the library
- NPR :)
- Quiet spaces

And I'm off to catch up in the Photoshop course.

Random pic of me from the SEC picnic -

The Final Week of August

I did not get around to writing yesterday.  Working to work on a healthier balance of things.

That said Piano class going again and I”m excited.  I had thought getting to lesson 10 would be a good goal for the year but I plan to pull back that on that.  Getting to lesson 10 is near the end of the book.  And I’m still more comfortable in the L2/L3 arena.  Lesson 7 comes of mind but I’ll take a look at the book this week to confirm.  I forget how hard that 8am class is but it’s getting easier to become a morning person, especially with getting up to walk the kids to school.  Though, ngl, grateful there’s no class this Saturday since I’d like to sleep in.

For my status last week, here are some tasks I was able to accomplish:
- Blogged 5x
- NFD project time
- Dedicated website time
- Knocked out personal task (class & car registration)
- Watched a few movies
      - Friday night: “Angel Has Fallen”
      - Saturday night-in: “Pet Sematary” and “Dumbo”

I’m still trying to get around to watching “If Beale Street Could Talk” and still haven’t went to the movies to see “The Lion King”.  Maybe this week I will.

The task list for this week has gone down.  I’ve gotten better and listing the task I want to achieve also there’s just the fact that I’ve been knocking out things each week and not needing to transfer stuff over.  Items like ‘dedication time to blah blah’ do transfer each week until the project is complete.  But I’m officially done with car stuff until November.

This week I had about 24 items but added more to make it an even 30.  For this week there will be the continued time toward NFD and my website.  But what I’d like to hit on this week is researching marketing and really go hard with NFD this week since August was intended to be focused on it.  I’ve delayed any work for Pitch Wars but still plan on submitting for it.

And I think that’s it.  But before I wrap up I just want to call out three things I’m thankful for.  As part of my blogging I’m going to begin to incorporate this.  I did it before and fell off but I am feeling more and more each day.  So I plan to keep up this go around.

Three things I’m grateful for today:
- Honest conversation, being overwhelmed/joyful to the point tears form
- Spiritual community and loving souls
- This wireless keyboard a corker gave me (as I’m using it now to write this entry on my phone ^_^)

And now I must find the charger for said keyboard.  Off to work on completing a lesson and eating my pancakes from this morning.

Pic from fb (Holistic Reiki) ... It reminded me a lot of the “Anyway” poem-

Status & Saturday To Do .... Just Breathe

This shall be a quick post.

The week for the most part has been productive.   But I’m wondering if I might want to shift my “week to do” out a bit...  To more of a Monday - Sunday type deal rather than Sunday-Saturday.

I was tempted to do a “Weekend to Do” based on focusing on a few items from the week task but realized that Sunday is technically the start of a new task list.... so I’m modeling.  I realize I create my own confines ^_^. That said I might change it.

Today I worked on an author bio and working on adding it to the site.  I’m also thinking through social media as far as where I want to have a space.  For the most part I enjoy my privacy.  That said I will look at Twitter and YouTube.  I don’t see myself doing Pinterest or Instagram.  But we’ll see.

Tomorrow I do have a few things already scheduled.  But part of me would like to dedicate the day to either finishing a book or catching up in my Photoshop class (4 lessons as of today).  In CS6 I just need to do L4 (which came out today) and for Editing part of L2, L3, and L4 (but I’ve done some of these lessons before when I took the course previously so it shouldn’t take long).

I have an early start tomorrow with class in the morning so that should get me going.  Lot of options for things to do.  Will see how the day goes but I’ll have a frame of what I’d like to do.

Any weekend plans?  Things to do that you feel MUST be done?  Or is the weekend best left for relaxing and recharging...?

NFD Audio Snippet

This shall be a quick entry unless I determine I need to write more :)

Today (Tuesday 8/20, as I know I'll end up posting this later) I did another session at the library.  Last week I mistakenly bounced the wrong two tracks.  Which wasn't bad as it gave me the opportunity to focus on my Ned voice.  I recorded a track of me just reading/practicing his dialogue versus bouncing the piano track and my entire read thru.  Mai pen rai, tis swift...

Hopefully at the time of this posting I'll have more an update of the week.  Thus far I've hit my goal for project time in regard to NFD but I know I'll need to add more to it.  I also have to make time for the website.

I am going to pat myself on the back for the progress I've made AND getting the car registered/new plates (thought I was just getting stickers but appears the State design has changed).  

Ned Finally Died

… And I'm adding.

It's Thursday 8/22 :)

I made a lot of progress the last couple days.  Yesterday was a late night but I'm just about caught up in the Illustrator class (which crashed on me after a series of 'Edit Undos').  I messed up my snowman, lol but 'tis swift, live and learn :)

I also started my website.  Here's to having it live by the end of August, sweeeet ^_^

Today I'll have a similar focus.  Catch up on classes, practice in Illustrator, should have enough under my belt to attempt another NFD illustration today.

I won't go as late today as I need to bake cookies for a pot luck AND I need to remember balance.  I intend to make tomorrow a light day.  Planning to take mi madres to a movie after an appointment.

I had started to make a post or rather talk about being judgmental, something I believe I've recognized before about myself and might've blogged about it before but I think I'm okay to hold off.  However I will say the more qualities you can acknowledge about yourself, the better able you are to do the 'work'.

Allergic to Ownership? Whose to Blame? ...Really?

I had originally planned on posting an audio clip of me reading "Ned Finally Died" but as I was settling down to do some work I noticed a headline that read something along the lines of "Another Brand Disappearing Because Millennials Refuse to Buy..."

I paraphrase.  But it doesn't matter really.  Open a Google search, enter millennials, and there's likely a slew of articles about what this demographic is destroying.  When did we, people, society, culture begin to find it acceptable to place 'blame'?  When did ownership die?  Is this an American thing?  Or is it more widespread?

Instead of looking at our part for a situation and having an honest look at our contribution are we, most of us, doomed to cycle through a never-ending blame game?  I hope not.  In fact I don't believe so.

Recently I've been observing this need to blame, with myself, family, and those around me.  I catch myself when I find my mind coming up with an excuse/reason for why something isn't done or if I've made a mistake.

An example of this if I'm cooking and one of the kids suddenly decides it's time to play 20 questions.  Next thing I know something has burned or I've opened a container to wide and something has spilled.  The immediate reaction is to go "well they distracted me from the task..."

But did the kids really distract me?  Or did I make a decision to try to do both?  Did I decide to continue on with the task and listen to them at the same time?  Did I decide not to ask them to wait for me to finish?  Did I...?  Not them.  Did I.  Me.

Now when it happens and I make a mistake I own it.  I say "I should've paid more attention.  I should slow down.  I should've paid more attention..."

As I tell the kids, as it has been a theme that I try to instill in them frequently, no one is inside your head controlling you like a puppet.  No one is moving your body.  You have a choice.  Even when you think you don't.

Now if you're of the mindset that there is no such thing as free will, then that's a whole other conversation but the kids don't understand that concept nor do most adults.

So I default to the fact that a lot of us look to others for the problems in our life rather than try to sit down and take a conscious look.  What were the decisions that got me here?  What am I doing?  Am I repeating behaviors?  Are there habits that I do when presented with a situation that I continue to do?  Have I tried to react differently?

When we can be mindful in a moment of adversity by becoming the observer (neutral) we can become free of a cycle.  Step one to that is accepting ownership I believe.

Are there thoughts, negative in nature, that I manifest?  Do I feel I am worthy of love and acceptance in my life?  Or do I put out certain thoughts that are the opposite in nature?

So much of what we experience is what we project.  What is the reality your creating?  How are you curating your mind... the world around you...?

Ownership.  Own it.

One step closer to loving your Self when you can answer and address the thoughts as they occur.

/ramble

So tomorrow, pending nothing gets on my radar, I'll post my snipped of NFD.

But the goal for today will be working on the website and catch up in the Illustrator class.

Also just to have a pic in the entry, here's the updated/revised MD cover.  I took this pic while in the RR yesterday.  I love the large monitors.  Have to make that as a gift to myself to invest in one day soon.

Anywho, I still need to upload it on Amazon/Kindle.  Planning to do that later today or tomorrow.

The Recording Room at SLPL

I started this draft last week (mostly likely Friday or Saturday) but since I didn't have photos from the RR, I held off on posting.  Plus I like have blogs in queue for busy days.  That said I did take pics from today's session and will tackle them onto this entry.  Plan on posting an audio clip soon ish..  Anywho without further ado.... … …

My next ‘three’ are starting to present themselves.  The three things of focus that I’ll need to work on in order to continue this path I’m on.  The first three had involved work and relationships (family and romantic).  For the most part one of the items is still in progress but the other two have been taken care of to some extent and have thus slowly migrated from the radar.  But I feel like I’m starting to see another cycle in development that ultimately will have me standing in my own truth... morning ramble for ya...

AT ANY RATE :)

Thursday was AMAZEBALLZ.  Usually I look or do some form or research for things.  And with the Recording Room I did attempt to attend the orientation they were having on Monday (despite it being my sister’s birthday) BUT that didn’t work out since they were full and even with being waitlisted, still no go.

So I went into a recording studio with little to no idea of what I was doing.  But Wes was so f**kin helpful and took time answering my questions, showing me the software.  I opted to work in ProTools vs Audacity because, as I told him, I am the type to take on whatever I’m taught and just stick with it.  So I went for the more complicated audio tool and glad for it.  Now that I do know a bit more I’ll definitely have a task next week around learning more.  I also booked more time in the recording room.  Next week I’ll post a snippet of the audio :)

The room also has a piano so I was able to work on the piano sounds to play on the track of me doing the reading.  I am SO excited and just overwhelmed by yesterday that I’m tearing up because it feels so ef’n good.  LOL and one of these days I’ll stop censoring myself so much.

I also treated myself to Hilayan Yeti.  After being disappintemented over the weekend for not making it, I made sure after the recording room session that I would go.  I was soooo stuffed.  Came home to walk the kids home school and then started dinner.  We were supposed to go to a birthday party but I am no longer rewarding bad behavior.  I feel we all have so many privileges we are granted in life and we take it for granted daily or don’t show respect to it.  Rather thats a friendship or our body itself..  And I feel the kids don’t recognize just how much is done for them so I put my foot down and decided to no longer give my time or energy toward anyone that hasn’t earned it.  Not everyone deserves your favor but kindness is something we all do.

It’s possible a lesson in life might change my mind about that but for now I’m working with that understanding.  I say that because its a concept I’m wrestling with now.  Especially in my leaning forward/‘say ‘yes’ ideals.

Anywho, a pic of the recording room :)

Week of 8/18 - 8/24

The task, rather target, list has come down this week.  As I go through each week I try to figure out way to streamline the list and makes items achievable.  I’ve also tried to ensure I have a few light items or things on there intended to be fun for me.

Right now there are 30 boxes and 29 items listed.  I’m trying to come up with something fun to give myself as a task this week.  Maybe I should put napping on there.   And not just napping at home but random places.  Like last week in one of the private rooms at the library I took a 10-15 min nap and it was needed.  Was able to finish up once I got the nap in.  I’d like to have the item figured out today but maybe I’ll just let it remain blank, give myself a freebie task and just allow the universe to open something for me and its then I’ll know.  “Yep this is it :)”

That said I do have some general things I want to accomplish this week since we’re coming upon the last week of August next week.  So this week I plan on taking a big focus on NFD and working on a website.  If I do anything with TYW this week it’ll be to outline the 2nd draft.  I’d also like to get caught up on classes this week.  And hopefully I’ll get the car registered later today (or sometime this week).  I’m grateful I’ve had the funds to take care of various things for it.

So in a nutshell a few things from the list of 29 (30?) that I will plan to achieve:
- NFD 2+ hours
- Car tags
- Something fun ^_^

Will plan to post about the recording room at SLPL soon too.

Voices in My Head

Do you ever prep for an eventual argument?  Is there a figure in your life (family, friend, spouse, coworker, etc) that you'll sometimes have a conversation with inside your head?  At least have a conversation of your mind's version of them.

I don't think this is isolated to just me.  Or something specific to writers.  Though if it is, I'm leaning into my crazy as always :)  I love me and all my nutty weird ways ^_^

That said have you ever looked at the type of conversations those appear to be?  Who they often involve?  For instance if you're debating or having an argument is it often with a sibling or spouse?  Coworker?

When you're bouncing ideas off of someone and sharing something exciting who do you envision you're telling?

When you are seeking advice who do you have that conversation with?

If you're having a full out complaint session is there that one person you can bare it all to?  Or maybe it's a group of friends over drinks...?  Or if you're me it's one person in a quiet setting that just listens as you pour it out...

Do the people change depending on the scenario?  Or is it the same person/people each time?

I believe in getting to know our Self it's important to look at these conversations and break them down as they happen.  The answer won't always be immediate but it's the first step in getting into a more loving relationship with our Self.  And not only that but understand what these people represent..?  What is it that they mirror that exist within us?

For me I've noticed that when I'm seeking advice I usually call to mind one of my friends and have a conversation with her because she most often seems centered and open.  Then again when I'm debating I call another friend to mind whose similar in thought pattern.

When I'm sharing some excited news or foaming at the idea over a story my coworkers come to mind.

I used to mentally prepare for an argument with my sister.  But I catch myself now.  And I stop it.  Because I now recognize I'm putting something out there by doing that.  And it doesn't have to be that way.

Leaning by unlearning.  Unraveling past behaviors.  Taking a step back as often as I can catch myself and rewire habits I needed in order to survive.  Recognizing I don't need to be that person any longer.  She's grown past that.

I intend to thrive.

Status for the week of 8/11 - 8/17

And what say ye...

What have ye completed this week?  Stuff?  More stuff?  Elaborate stuff?

Well done :)

A few things checked off this week:
- Car stuff done (as far as safety and emissions)… need to actually get tags/stickers now that this piece and personal property have been taken care of
  - Got 3 new tires too and the car definitely feels/drives different :)
- Blogged 4x time this week
- COMPLETED TYW INDEX CARDS .. woo woo
- Process 10 items from the 'to do' bin 3x this week
- Exercised for at least 30 min 3x (based on walking to school)
- Recording room … ZOMG... will blog about that experience

And there is still some time left to the day.  I'm going to try to color an image while at the library (or maybe later at Panera) and start working on the outline for the second draft.  But that said this has been a productive week.

Overall I checked off 12 items (so far) rom my task list of 35 items, about a third.  And a lot of things will definitely migrate over to next week and some things I'll put on hold (or maybe I will capture them, just so I don't lose track).  I know I'll likely breakdown my effort toward NFD differently since I'm still working on the illustrations and audio bits.  To try to roll things up a bit I'll map time around this project... maybe...

I actually have had trouble with dedicated time toward building a website but I still have nearly half of August left to tackle these things.  But I also still need to prepare for Pitch Wars if I plan on doing it.  I'm still looking through the list of mentors and keep changing my mind about which project I want to use for it (I have two in mind).

Anywho let me try to get in some coloring time.  I may update this if I do get in a bit more today ^_^

Update: So I did figure out how to color one of my scans. Still haven’t figured out how to do it within illustrator.  Pretty sure I’m going to take some time to look at more illustrator vids next week. But here’s a pic of one of my doodles.

Dinosaurs at the Beach-

$5 Tuesday - Scary Stories To Tell in the Dark

In a 'just being in the moment' I decided to go to the movies on Tuesday.  I took mi madres and we went to see "Scary Stories To Tell in the Dark".  A movie that was not on my radar whatsoever.  In fact I still haven't seen "The Lion King"  but something about the film drew me.  Probably the names involved and having a soft spot for "Pan's Labyrinth".

I'd been avoiding watching Horror films.  But over the weekend I finally watched "Hereditary" and its creepy, apparently similar to another movie according to my sister.  But it was creepy enough that I knew I didn't want to watch it late and have to 'brain bleach' my mind with "The Mindy Project".  But I digress...

SSTTIND wasn't too bad.  Given that it's based on a children's book it wasn't terribly gruesome but still had it's scary moments.  I checked with mi madres afterwards and the first incident was the scariest for her.  But it does give me an idea... still percolating a bit.

I also noted, aside from me moving more into 'me' and leaning into this idea of just moving forward and saying 'yes' I was reminded of a movie I'd watched the previous night.  "This Is Where I Leave You" and Jason Bateman's character with this mapped out ideal of life.  At the end of the movie when he has the chance to just return home to NY, after 'borrowing' his brother's car, or head toward Maine he diverts and takes the Maine exit.  I felt going to the theater on a random Tuesday was something outside my usual.

How often are we called onto an adventure?  How often do we divert from the well worn road?  The known path?  I'm definitely not the person to go off the beaten path often, or up until this point I didn't think I was but now I'm leaning forward.  I'm now saying 'yes'.  And I think that part of me, has always been part of me.  How else could I have traveled solo for the first time all those years ago...

We aren't going to always dive.  Some of us have a lot of work to do to get to that person, our true selves, even as that persons beats against the cage we keep them in.  Or maybe it's not a cage.  Maybe it's a decorated room that's comfortable.  It has everything we need and yet some part of us looks outside the window yearning for something we can't name...

I guess what I want to say or acknowledge is that everything happens at it's own time.  We won't always lean in and it might take a few cycles before we do.  But that's okay.  Because growth requires/needs patience.

Reminds me of something Rev. Phyllis has said, and I paraphrase, "patience must have her perfect work..."

Well I definitely went off on a tangent again.  All good :D

Task for the week of 8/11 - 8/17

There are 34 tasks on the list this week, some are rollovers from the previous week.  Technically 35 since I forgot one but gave myself credit for doing it :)

I'm off to a slow start this week with school starting up BUT finally sitting down to knock out some things.  Per usual my goal is still to target completing 3 task this week.  And a daily goal of checking off 3 things (which I've not been great at thus far this week).  Some of my task have a further breakdown (for instance I have one box that says to "Blog 4x this week" and have drawn out 4 smaller boxes to indicate each time I've accomplished one).  Might be a nutty system but it works for me.

Anywho of my task this week I plan on accomplishing something in the arena of each project.  For instance I want to complete a task around NFD, TYW, and learning (completing a lesson plan or signing up for a course through STLCC).

Forgot to mention that this has been a busy week which is why Wednesday was the start of the work week.  Sunday was the MSC anniversary party, Monday was my sister's birthday, and Tuesday was the start of school.

I like adding photos to my post... so here's a random pic of my feet and kettle popcorn from the Pentatonix concert :) Also the tacos I got were soooo good but they were demolished pretty quickly so there’s no photo evidence of them.

Learning How to Love Self

I am on a journey when it comes to this. What it’s meant is constantly catching myself when doubt, fear, or anxiety seeps in and doing one of two things:
- Banishing the thought (I sometimes visually use my finger as a wand and pull the negative thought from my mind then flick it in the trash)
- Taking that exact moment to have an honest conversation with myself

It’s constant work but I am seeing the benefit. I am getting better at it. I feel I am making better choices because of it and I’m feeling more. Not just in zombie mode but seeing things and being overwhelmed by it.

Learning to love our self wherever we are at this current moment is hard. But I welcome the challenge because I am learning a lot about me and in the process of doing that growing. Today’s discovery was patience. I preach but how often do I give it to myself and I noticed myself wanting to just do something just to “have it done with”. And I had to remind myself tiny steps work too, tiny steps got me to where I am. It’s okay to be patient. And tested up acknowledging that I do have this “thing” in me to make it happen “ALL RIGHT NOW”...  And because I recognized it, addressed it, and affirmed that I am okay. Will be okay. Trust the process and my path I am freer.

That said wanted to share some weekend activities I did as a way of treating myself:
- Went and had my hair washed on Friday
- Spent time at the library Saturday
- Treated myself to a masssage and concert Sunday

Sunday I also made my Mac n cheese and green beans for the Anniversary party at MSC. I wanted to do more but greatful that I got up in time to do the bit I did.

Going to get a few more post on the queue and then finish up the index cards for TYW.

A few pix from the weekend:

Status of week of 8/4 - 8/10 Tasks

Saturday's at the library... it took me a minute to get here and I still haven't checked anything off my list but still being productive.

For instance I finally got around to moving MD paperback to kdp (with there no longer being a CreateSpace).  I'm also needing to look at more Illustrator videos since I'm still trying to navigate my scans.  I was thinking I would just be able to turn them into Vector files from AI and maybe use Paint afterwards but it's not working out too well.  So I may need to spend a bit more time in AI and color from there.

I didn't get much done yesterday, at all.  Friday turned out to be sort of a free for all.  Other than getting my hair done and attending a class "Mastering Your Energy" I did not get anything accomplished on the writing front.  I was hoping to get a bit more in today but I have about another hour left before the library closes.  I think I'll plan on working on doing the last two index cards either tonight or tomorrow at Panera.

At any rate let me reflect on the things I DID accomplish this week and also recognize the other items (nearly 20) that I didn't will likely be moved onto next week for tasks.

So this week I checked off a total of 8 task but I'd say the big call outs were:
- Time working on my spreads (either researching, scanning, and/or layout)
- Getting back on the ball with blogging
- Writing progress

Next week looking forward to getting through more.

Thoughts are things...

We create our reality.

That said I’ve been leaning into the positive.  I’ve been catching my thoughts as they run south and addressing the true issue as best as I can.  Today brought about a couple of emotional moments as I acknowledged my habit of people pleasing and being concerned about what others thought.  I recognized that a lot of my thought patterns around it were built on a survival mentality.  And I am recognizing more and more that I’m better than that.  I don’t need that thought pattern any longer, as it doesn’t serve the person I am becoming.  So there was some hurt in letting that go, in seeing it for what it was.

I continue to be a work in progress.

That said and well, onto lighter things...

We saw Hobbs and Shaw last night at the movies.  This year has definitely been movie packed, we did hit a lull for a bit but it’s picked back up.  I suspect we’ll hit up the Muny this week to see “Matilda”.  We saw “Cinderella” back in July.  And I would still like to see “Midsommar”, not too many theaters are showing it now.  

Also in other exciting news I am behind on my reading while my stack of book grows BUT I finally got around to scanning my art and checked out an illustrator video today.  I was planning to look at another one before bed but I need to carve out some writing time and reading.  So I’ll check out more tomorrow.

I did do another draft of MD’s book blurb.  Planning on doing a second edition of it soon to fix some known issues...

As far as completing task today, didn’t knock off a whole lot but it still felt very productive today with what I did accomplish, today was definitely one of those quality over quantity type days.  

At any rate, need to try to work a bit on LV&A... Here’s a pic of my vision board when I was working on it.  I now have it on my wall above my desk as a visual reminder.  Will grab a pic of the finished product to post later.

Apologies in advance for any typos, I’m uber tired and still need to handwrite.

Self vs Collective Part 1

I intended to write this huge post regarding my thoughts about this topic.  And knew it was large enough that it might result in multiple post.  However I am currently in a theater preparing to see a movie and limited in my time.  So this will be brief.

Recently I’ve been struggling with this concept.  As a person that constantly gives to the point of tapping myself I have come to recognize that it’s not healthy NOR is it beneficial to the collective.  And this is the part of my journey that I’m at.  With acknowledging this truth and working toward a balance.

For now that balance involves a focus on me...

That said, I want go into it much further but will say today was productive in that I was able to:
- Complete two index cards for TYW
- Draft a timeline for Pitch Wars
- Sign up for a class
- AND HIT MY BLOG GOAL FOR THE WEEK : )

Here’s to pursuing dreams, positive energy, and manifesting your hearts desires.

Nearly 30 task.... mostly writing related

It's a new dawn, it's a new day...

Every time I think of the choices I'm making and whom I'm working on becoming I hear those lyrics.  I think of them and I feel good :)

This past weekend I created a schedule for myself that I barely followed so instead, while sitting at Panera yesterday I put a lot of the items on a task list called "Targets for w/o 8/4-8/11" and I just began listing out everything I've been meaning to do, need to do, and want to do.  BUT told myself I'd have a goal of doing at least 3... That's right, I have a list of nearly 30 task and will consider it a good thing if I hit three for the week.  The crazy side of me wants to go for targeting at least 3 a day but I'm trying to be relaxed in my approach.  I want to be focused and overall I want to be patient.  I want to trust myself.  And so I shall.

I know I will likely accomplish more than three but I am not going to put pressure on myself to be insane.  I am results-focused and seeing things get checked off will suffice.

I'm also glad that I saw to some self care this weekend by treating myself to SLIFF, the music fundraiser, TOSTADA'S, making time to read, making time to journal and breakdown my dreams, and really work on me.  I recognize that with being more mindful in my approach that it has been tapping into my energy reservoir more and causing me the need to pause more in order to restore myself.  However it's all good because I'm catching the thoughts that don't serve me.  That don't serve/work for the person I'm becoming.

That said some recent accomplishments have involved:
- Working on my author stuff (FB content)
- I did deactivate my personal FB page... again
- Reaching out to DDD for a cover/confirm target date
- Signing up for classes
- Working on my schedule/time management for projects

And technically my break is up now.  Part of working on my time management is chunking out time to do specific task so I can hit various things (to avoid any potential burn out) and altering what I do on days.

I still have some things to work on/work out and there may be things I'm doing now that I might shift but I'm okay with the process and letting it fall-out as it needs to.  With that said, with trying to adopt a certain mindset I've recognized I need to be careful whose in that sphere of influence.  I still intend to love/be loving and kind but not everyone deserves my favor so I have to recognize I have things to do as part of my journey, as do others.

Aye, I got off on a tangent.  Hopefully when I update tomorrow I'll be able to say I got another item checked off the list.

Good Sunday

After service and group study today I took some time to figure out task for the week, most are writing related.  With the goal of checking off at least 3 of the 20 things.

I may post about it as I complete things.

Anywho today was busy:
Service on “choosing who you’ll become”
Study group on meditation
Writing time at Panera (mostly working on task for the week)
Attending summer soirée fundraiser (think I got a bit overwhelmed there)
Took some me time to recharge

And about to read/nod off since I’ve gotten in some writin and did dishes.

Pix from last night btw (that I had issue posting...)

Fly by post

I can’t believe I didn’t post once in July. Then again, given everything that happened in July I can believe it.

But this will be a quick post, plan to write more tomorrow.

For now a couple pix from StL NPR SLIFF event ... or not. Will try this again later.