Making time for oneself

More and more I'm feeling just burnt out.  Stretched and there still so much to be done.  I know I need to call my uncle tonight but I'm just soooo tired and in listening to something on radio about taking time for oneself.  And also it wasn't too long ago that someone told me I have to take time for myself. 

I have yet to do that.  It almost feels like I might have to carve time out of work, maybe leave out early on Thursday in order to just go somewhere for a few hours to work in quiet because I definitely haven't been able to do much at home. 

When I can steal some time I definitely do but it's definitely been harder as of late and I'm tapped out.  I'm super tired.  Sore from all the moving this weekend and just work.  I didn't sleep well last night and ugh... I feel like I'm just complaining.  And what's so crazy is that if I could just get some hours of reading in and/or writing I know it'd make the difference.  It's frustrating that I can't even get that in.  Its like I try to do my best and as much for others as I can but universe, can you not make an opening for me to write a bit?  Can I finish MD please? 

Dear Universe,

Can I have a few hours, maybe a day, to work on MD without any drama, interruptions and such?  Is that too much to ask?

I guess we'll find out.  I do have Friday off and I took Monday off as well.  Part of me is tempted to take Tuesday off as well since I'm sure I won't be hitting the road. 

I no write, I sad >>> :(

Another day of cleaning at GA's and coordinating and other stuff.

No writing.
No reading.

Just me and my thoughts.

I did have some thoughts as it pertained to OTTM today.  I feel like between it and the zombie novel I've had my brain firing about the two.  The thing is how I can translate my non-writing time/activity into some physical writing, thoughts to paper. 

Maybe I'll shoot out of work early tomorrow to go somewhere to write for an hour or so.  Sneak it in before I have to pick up my niece.  And definitely have to do laundry tomorrow so I might not be able to head up to the hospital.  PLUS I still need to figure out some other stuff in regards to the house and GA's discharge. 

So much to do.

Off to bed for now. 

Bills, Bills, Bills

So today was spent not behind a laptop, glue to a chair, pounding my life away to hit my April 5th target which is very much on my radar but instead on:
- Shopping for GA
- Washing Dishes/Recycling at home
- Visiting GA
- Cleaning up at GA's
- Paying my bills
- Checking GA's bills

Actually I've been working on the bill part the last 4 hours since I came in from grocery shopping.  I feel like I'm complaining but really I just spent a lot of time trying to figure out where I'm behind (overdue), where I'm on target, how to stay on target, which bills I can/should pay by which pay period, setting up payments for the next pay period (if I could, had issues with Navient), documenting what I think I need in my planner as well.

On a good note I finished paying off one of my store CCs!  Just 4-5 more to go, lol.  AND I only owe about $43 to the State.  Technically I should've sent that payment off yesterday but I forgot so I'll try to get around to that tomorrow.  Though it just occurred to me that I probably could pay it through my bank account so maybe I might do one more bill before I pass out tonight. 

This will be a quick post since I now need to go to bed in order to get up to do more cleaning tomorrow.  I did straighten out me and my sister's old room.  And tomorrow's focus will be the back room upstairs where it's just completely trashed. 

I did drive by to check out the house again.  I have a feeling about it.  I just need to get the money together to pay for it.  So I really need to be very strict with budgeting if I'm going to be moved in by the time my lease ends here.  Which reminds me, I needed to check on something and I just forgot that quick -_- Oh... I think I'm going to just try to focus on closing as soon as possible versus getting a loan to cover renovations.  So I need to see how much out of pocket I'd be looking at for energy efficient windows and remodeling the bathroom to make it more handicap accessible. 

Okay... done. 

Surviving the March Release -_-

First off I didn't post yesterday.  No joke I had an out of this world headache and it didn't hit me until the end part of the day.  It only got worse after a work meeting.  Then it was as though I suddenly became super dizzy and just weak in trying to get to my car.  Like I was slugging super hard and I thought maybe the additional weakness came from hunger so I nibbled on some pita bread once I got in the car but by the time I reached Domino's (since I ordered some food) I was feeling very out of sorts.  I got in yesterday sat the pizza down and hopped in the bed.  I woke up and nibbled on some food, took some more meds and went back to bed.  I tried to get up to do more since I still needed to prep for the release today but I was out for the count.  Thus no entry. 

Truthfully there's just a lot going on.  On a daily basis there's having to deal with some of the things going on with the family, house search, and work.  And I desperately want some me time, if only just to write.  I learned today that my grandmother would be getting discharged this coming Thursday.  She still has some a long road of recovery but I really need to land with the house sooner rather than later. 

Oye so Good Friday is this coming weekend.  I've decided to take the following Monday off for an extended weekend and hopefully I'll find somewhere to get some writing done. 

Oh just remembered something from yesterday.  So at some point I started to think I might have a fever because I was just having all starts of strange thought in my sleepy deliria and thought I was dying and how I'd had all these hints alongst the way and explained why I had so many moments of deja vu during the day... And I thought of OTTM.  I really need to work on it.  I think my mind is really wanting to work on it.  I also think if/when I can sit down with some dedicated uninterrupted writing time, I'll make progress on MD.  Just need to reread the last bit but I'm ready to finish it up.  Just no time but I'm so going to get to it next weekend.  It's happening. 

Oh but tonight was the March release and it seemed like just a lot of things went wrong.  App teams weren't online to provide IT sign off.  We had some items pulled the night off and had no notice that they needed to be pulled.  I had to call/track down several app teams to provide sign off.  And today in general was filled with a lot of stuff.  I've had a busy week at work with several projects and a lot of follow up meetings next week to address issues that have come up.  I barely took a break today just because I needed to prep for the release.  Worked from 8-4p then got back on at 6p-12a.  And I did make a couple mistakes tonight but nothing too big.

Just remembered my friend sent me a lovely bday gift that I finally picked up from the post office.  Apparently they tried delivering it a couple times but no one answered.  It was a very nice surprise given the week I've had plus just life in general.  It really is nice to get something, when you don't expect it when life is challenging.  I also picked up the permit for the dumpster today.  So overall a productive day/week. 

Hmm I think there was something else but I'm tired.  Definitely posting a new short sometime this weekend. 

Off to pass out. 

52 Week Update / Short Story Challenge ...

So behind on short stories...

If nothing critical is going on each evening I've been trying to work on one in order to post.  I've done good this week.  And now that I'm done with dinner (me and the niece made chicken alfredo from scratch).  I shall try to do some writing.   Plus she gave me 'permission' to work on my computer due to the yummy dinner. 

After rehab training this morning with my grandma (several of us showed up to observe her physical therapy) I went and checked out another house.  It's not in my preferred location BUT I do like the set up of it.  So I'm thinking I'll go for it. 

And after work today I went to visit my grandma again, tonight I read "The Garden" to her.  It's amazing the things you can pick up when you read aloud to someone.  On Monday night I read "Ned Finally Died" and "The Job". 

Speaking of short stories, here's a look of where I'm at for the year-

Week 1 (1/1 - 1/7) - Ned Finally Died
Week 2 (1/8 - 1/14) - LLFH:  Broken Things
Week 3 (1/15 - 1/21) - The Confession
Week 4 (1/22 - 1/28) - The Garden:  OTTM Side Story
Week 5 (1/29 - 2/4) - Haunters Anon
Week 6 (2/5 - 2/11) - Polluted (posted 3/19)
Week 7 (2/12 - 2/18) - The Job: A Justice for First Wives Side Story (posted 3/22)
Week 8 (2/19 - 2/25) - Serial Beauty: Lucky #11 (posted 3/23)
Week 9 (2/26 - 3/4) -
Week 10 (3/5 - 3/11) -
Week 11 (3/12 - 3/18) -
Week 12 (3/19 - 3/25) -
Week 13 (3/26 - 4/1)

Tune Tuesday

I thinking I'll work on a short story tonight since I didn't cook dinner tonight but so sleepy.  And I have to go to the hospital in the morning before work to get some training. 

Forgot what I was going to say... So I'm remembering why I had blocked my calendar for next week.  It's a holiday weekend.  So I think I've decided if I make the road trip the final destination will be to Sedona.  But I've also been steered to some places nearby that have cabins where I could go to get some writing done such as Marquette, IL www.pmlodge.net/

But in the effort of time I wanted to share some tunes.

Heard this via NPR last week -Poor Rich Boy "Alice" - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rp7x_-oosWA

And re-discovered this one last week - Seinabo Sey "Hard Time" - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgdOs5-3VWQ

I'm hoping to check out her album in the near future.  But for next week I'll probably be posting some faves from the new Imagine Dragon album. 

Off to play Connect 4 with the niece and maybe work on a new short story now that I've rested my eyes for 5-10 minutes ^_^

Week 8 Short Story - Serial Beauty: Lucky #11

She liked to hide the bodies in unlikely places.  Today an overpass.  Tomorrow beneath it.  Today’s body was unique for her though.  She’d met him two years earlier.  Appreciative of her ‘work’ he’d said.  

    There were lots of lost morbid souls in the world she’d realized long ago.  His was no different because like all the others he’d found her even when the authorities couldn’t.  Or maybe they hadn’t tried because in some ways she was offering a service that themselves might’ve been slightly envious of.  

    She was helping to rid the world of murderers, rapist, malicious criminals whom upon the end of their spree wanted something more of the world they’d already taken so much from and she obliged them.  

    As she did me.

    When I first scoped her, I thought to make her my next victim.  No doubt she’d come across others like me that had likely thought the same thing.  She’d even caught me staring across the fountain numerous times.  The water shooting out just behind her, it was the place she took her breakfast and sometimes her lunch.  Dinner was reserved for the bench.  She took all her meals outside, even during the winter months.  I like to believe it was this curiousness on my part that spared her.

    One spring afternoon I sat beside her on the ledge of the fountain.  “I’d like to be posed at a pier in San Diego, hands collapsed, staring at the ocean with a smile on my face and my eyelids sewn shut.”

    She nibbled on her tuna melt and dabbed a small trace that lingered near the corner, “What about what lies beneath?”

    “I want you to remove them and send-”

    “That’s not what I do,” she interrupted before I could finish.

    I thought she might be resistant to that.  “They’re for someone,” I lied but immediately I thought about the blind woman I’d made a widow.  I thought of her.  I remembered her husband and the way it felt.  

    “I want them out,” I said.

    “You’ll have to do that yourself then,” she said as she took another bite.  “When is the expiration date?”

    “A year from now.”  She’d stopped midair from taking another bite.

    “Have you not settled your debts?  My fee doesn’t change for anyone,” she said and for this she turned and looked at me head on.  It was the first time anyone had really looked at me in a long time, except my victims, they had no choice but to stare doe eyed as their life slipped right before them.  

    “That’s what the year is for,” I said, another lie but again I thought of the blind woman then the boy whose mother had been snatched by the monster in the night.

    “Tomorrow,” she said disrupting my spiraling mind and it’s debt.  “You’ve watched me for this amount of time.  If you haven’t settled them by now, you won’t ever settle them.”

    “But you’re fee,” I said not really caring but curious by the sudden change.  She stood up and the wind swept her sandy brown and black lockes.  “You’ll still do it?”

    “I know what you are,” she said looking down at me with that gaze of hers.  She tossed me a phone, “Find your pier by tomorrow evening and I’ll be there.

    Do you know what the dead can’t tell you?  What it’s really like.  Sure there are the assumptions even by the well-researched but what you can’t expect is the unexpected so when I awoke in the middle of the night with my arms bound and my mouth suddenly coming alive with feeling I knew she’d already begun.  

    She worked with a quiet ferocity even as more and more of me became aware of places that had already been poked and prodded.  My mouth sewn shut so when she asked, “What to do with your eyes?” I knew it was a question she’d never intended for me to answer.  

    As she went in for the eyeball I hadn’t felt any solidarity.  There was no peace.  I screamed into my cheeks and blacked out.

    I never woke again.  I’m not sure when the dying took place.  I couldn’t see the world anymore.  I couldn’t beg for forgiveness.  I don’t think I wanted to and yet I wanted this feeling.  I felt the moist air.  The sea breeze was there.  Everything was as it should for one fleeting moment it seemed.  

I pictured my body posed and somewhere on my skin would be her signature, my identifier SB #11.  Somewhere she’d post my history, my victims, and somewhere she’d place my eyes.  I don’t know where and didn’t really care.   

I wasn’t owed anything.

I just didn’t want to see what came next.  

 

Week 7 Short Story: TheJob - A JfFW Side Story

I was her.

    “Hey,” he said to me when my eyes opened.  His finger lightly grazed my cheek.  I felt him as he watched me.  The smell of his cologne still hung in the air, stealing every breath.  I loved the smell.  I loved this feeling.  I loved the way the two of us fit, it wasn’t perfect, just aligned enough to not make you want to step out.  

    At least that’s what I hoped.  

    And I hated that I did.  

    I’ve stared into these chestnut brown eyes for so many mornings.  So many mornings that hadn’t belonged to me yet I stole them anyway.  

    “What are you thinking about,” he whispered to me and a faulty smile followed.  I wonder if at moments like these he has wandered into that place too.  That place where he has acknowledged that he isnt home with his wife, his children, and that the hand that has gently caressed my face is without its symbol of forever.  His ring left on the nightstand, waiting for when he’s ready to be the married man, dedicated father he is.  

    I’ve wondered.  

    His phone goes off before I can answer and we both know what it means.  My phone sounds as well.  I know what it mean but he doesn’t.  He doesn’t wait for my answer on my thoughts.  Maybe it’s because he really doesn’t care.  Maybe because it’s urgent.  But maybe I should know better than to care.  

He’s delivered a kiss to my cheek, dressed, and gone before the moment has sunken in.  I can't linger in the moment.  I have a job.  I reluctantly roll over to answer the text from his wife because she knows.  

    When I’ve answered her.  I leave my note for him.  He and I were to meet again tonight but we won’t.  I’ve done what I was hired to do.  His wife has what she needs and I have to break it.  Why this one was so much harder I don’t know.  Maybe it’s time to stop being her.  

    It’s become so ingrained in my being now.  I am that other women for her.  They reach out.  And I deliver Justice.  She is me.

I am her.  

Spring Cleaning ...

I thought I'd post another short story tonight but I was so tired coming in tonight, I dozed off in the recliner.

Today was Day 1 of cleaning up at my grandmas.  We focused on the main level and I worked on half the fridge since it was just so much.  So tomorrow I'll be cleaning out/wiping out the freezer. 

Now that I've had that bit of nap I'm thinking I can actually write now but my niece wants to look at the pix of some of the houses I've been looking at.  But once she's done, if I haven't passed out I'll work on one of the other short stories I started. 

Really want to finish up on MD -_- ... One day this week... one day. 

Explosion 2.0

Today while in route to drop my niece off at school and get to work I had to pull over and just went off.  I was telling a couple of friends about it at lunch and long story short was told 'Welcome to Parenthood...'  Though after the whole having to pull over and just talking with her she appeared to have a good day at school today, so there's that.  We'll probably still need to set up a schedule and some goals to keep her on target but she's on Spring Break this coming week.

I have my March release to run this coming week AND I still need to do some prep for it. 

In unrelated news going to try to work on another short story this weekend.  One of the ones I started a while back. 

I also had an idea for an opening for TLS.. I'm still not sure about April, might still be working on MD, but we'll see.  I've been thinking about this zombie novel on and off.  I'm also wanting to put the playlist for it together. 

Well busy weekend ahead and I want to try to do a bit of reading.  I'm off for now :D

Week 6 Short Story: Polluted

The light polluted the air.  The light polluted the night air that was.  And not many cared about the night since we were all in darkness, polluted, clouded by other plagues that prevented us from caring for the human life lost in the night, let alone the light that worked it’s magical lore like a titillating stronghold on the quickly fading night.  Soon we wouldn’t have one at all.  

In the distant another bright light shone just as complete darkness fell onto a bank of streets.  A transformer exploded and that could only mean one thing-

Chaos.  

I was on my way to Hannah.  Tonight was the night we would call upon the creature.  Legend had it that the creature, an alien that awaited the calling of its descendant, would be the savior of our world.  In other versions, vicious rumors if you asked me, it brought upon the total destruction of the planet.

Hannah was the only one though.  She saw past it.  It was the reason I chose her.  We were both transfers that year but Hannah had transferred in before me.  She kept to herself mostly and was a loner by her own choosing according to most people.  I can see that.  I could also understand why.  

So it came to no one’s surprise when I suddenly gravitated toward her.  I came in, new and shiny, immediately taken into the ‘in’ crowd which was an eclectic mix of jocks who doubled as nerds and ‘ladies that really like to let their hair down’.  My mother’s choice of words, not mine, but that’s another story.  

I’d love to say Hannah was so different but really she wasn’t.  I just felt, with her, it might be easier to explore than with the others.  

The night air was okay but the wind was stealing away what little warmth I could muster with my leather jacket.  Didn’t feel so cool to trying to rock a leather jacket in below temperatures, it was days like this that I wasn’t sure if I’d ever grow used to the cold but my parents chose to move here, not even for a job, they just up and decided let’s move to Colorado.  I thought it might have something to do with my sister’s medical condition but they never really allowed me into that world.

But it was okay because today Hannah and I would gain all our wishes.  I’d save my sister, maybe even earn some respect from Hannah and Hannah would get what she wanted.  Whatever that was, she had yet to share that.  

I raced up her porch steps two at the time thankful that the light was on.  I’d just begun to the knock when the porch swing squeaked into motion and the two stuffed animals cradled on it watched me from their spot.  

I was really thankful for the light.  Hannah wasn’t long before she opened the door and I was ushered in with a quick pull and a finger to the lips.  I looked down at her finger, then to her, and for a moment things stopped.  Hannah was dressed in her usual earthy attire.  

 Purple and black striped leggings with a large pale blue sweater that wished to devour her at every chance it got.  When she sat down, her legs close to her chest, it always exceeded at swallowing her lower half but Hannah’s head and her owl ears headband, at least she said it was an owl ear headband, and the acute mole near her left nostril.  She played with it often, sometimes it bled, and then she’d look in the mirror or catch a reflection.  Her reaction was always peculiar to me; it was though she expected it to be gone each time and only became disappointed when she realized it was still there.

 “Did you bring it?” she asked as she hurried me in and left me briefly, not waiting for an answer.  She peaked around the corner.  In the background there was a tv going very loud.  I heard Pat Sajack say “There are 3 E’s” and a bell sounds to signal each.  

I don’t know what I was supposed to bring.  I watched her, partly hoping that by the time she came back she would have forgotten she’d asked.

Her hand pats down the air, as if counting, and then the wheel spin’s on the tv and Hannah has rushed to me, grabbed my hand and we stampede against the rickety steps.  

“Han, child, why so much noise?  What you up to?” A tiny voice that aches with age dare manage against the loud television.  “Han, child?  You there?  Han?”

When we arrive upstairs Hannah, curve around the banister into the room to the end of the hall and to the right.  We’ve arrived to total darkness.  I still hear the woman Han… child… Han… Han… Oh.

Hannah breathes loud but she never tries to ease the worry.  She never addresses the woman and for a moment that abandon bothers me.  Have I been misguided in her character?  

“Your grandmother,” I’ve started, it’s an assumption but I can’t let it, I can’t just let oh be where it ends.  

“My mother.”  Hannah left my side then and I hear her mumbles as she fiddles about the darkened room.  “Don’t worry.  She’ll be okay.  So did you bring it?”

“Bring what?”

The room stopped.  My eyes narrow trying to make light out of the dark but I can’t tell where Hannah is, only that her breath has finally been caught and she could be anywhere in the room.  

“What was I supposed to bring?”

“It doesn’t matter… I already summoned it.”

My mouth opens a notch but no words escape.  “What do you mean? “

“It’s here.”

I’m  aware of my heart then.  The loudness of it, it’s rapid beating, why is it so loud?  Why does it beat so hard against my chest?  Why isn’t there enough air the room?  My hands fumble for the door but I’ve lost my sense of place.

“It’s okay,” Hannah said as if she’s aware of my state but she can’t know because it’s so dark in the room.  There is no light to pollute its darkness.  The only pollution that exist is what we’ve brought.  

What Hannah has brought.  

“But this is what you wanted,” Hannah said.  Her voice is further now.  “You said you were curious.  You led me believe you could handle it.”

Crghhhhhhhhhhhh

“Hannah, not funny.”

“You weren’t really ever serious, were you?   You didn’t really want to save your sister.  You just wanted to be the hero,” Hannah’s voice, a deathly whispers oozing with venom, “the truth is...”

“That I’m jealous…”

“You want to be the one dying…”

“I want the disease…”

“You want to be the focus of all.”

“I just want it all to stop.”

“Because you’re tired of her.”

“I’m tired of being here.”

“I am.”

“So go home,” Hannah has whispered in my ear and a finger gently touches my lips.  A pressure comes from my chest and the night air suddenly doesn’t seem so polluted.  A light fills the room and the creature is there, tucked away in the corner, staring back at me.  We look at one another and the mirror shatters.  

When I wake the next morning, in my own bed, I’m sure it was all a dream but crumpled in my hand is a note that read, “Thank you for bringing it.”

It’s Hannah’s handwriting I know.  

I never saw Hannah again.  In fact no one knew whom I was talking about when days passed and she never showed in school again.  

I’d love to say Hannah was the creature.   That she had somehow rid my sister of her terminal illness with whatever she did.  But I can’t.  

However Hannah did do one thing.  She freed me that night.  

Healthy Dose of Writing: Liquid Dose Needed ASAP

I keep thinking one of these evenings that I'll get in and get things together in a decent enough time to allow for writing.  Alas it's almost midnight and I was still working out bills -_-  Still not finished with those.  I wish I could just write down "Pay Student Loan 1 - $500" instead of trying to see if I'm okay to just pay $50.  But it's better than nothing.

Really I'm yearning to do some writing.  I think more so because I need the vacay/escape into my mind to dive into a world and get lost in it.  I'm sure a good read could have the same effect but I haven't been able to really get into any of the books I have and again it takes time thus I'd rather work on one of my own projects.  Plus my self imposed deadline is approaching and I'd like to hit my target especially since I feel like I'm sitting on ideas for MD. 

At any rate, I've been incredibly tired at work so I better head to bed since I also missed my target to get to bed early tonight. 

Mmm corn beef and cabbage

It is late once again but I come with news...

I DID LAUNDRY, FOLDED ANNNNND PUT IT ALL AWAY!!!!!  Took about 3 hours but it's done and now I can probably head back to the hospital after work tomorrow and not have to worry about it

I also made corn beef and cabbage tonight for dinner.  I didn't get around to making the cornbread since I mostly left the corn beef on (mi madres kept an eye on it) while I did our laundry.  Unfortunately it taste a bit bland and I think it's from all the water she put in it but it's okay.  Bland is better than it being too salty.

Also me and my brother are a week apart so he's celebrating his birthday shortly (3/18).

I had something else I was going to say but I'm having an uber brain fart right now.  I think the mysteriously smashed in laptop may be on it's last leg.  Got an error and blue screen of doom when I booted this evening :(

And in an unrelated note.  I was wondering about places to submit short stories to like online things, magazines, etc... I'm thinking I might try to.  Still deliberating though. 

Things I Learned in New Empoyee Orientation....

I've been at my current job since October and today I finally learned where the Fitness Center. 

Hopefully that will not be my last time seeing it but given the amount of stuff with my job, it might be awhile before I visit again.

I also learned there are some nice discounts/perks with being an employee such as home mortgage (!) and discount on my cell phone bill.  So I'll look at investing in a phone next week. 

I learned a few other things too but I'm anxious to talk to someone about the home piece since I'm really trying to find something soon. 

No writing today.  I did get around to paying bills and getting some stuff together for GA, still need to pay her car note.  Still haven't done laundry, set up hair apt, and ... ... ... But I'll get there.  Just hard when every evening I'm picking up my niece and heading to the hospital.  Tomorrow though I might try to come home instead though.

Also the free lunch .... next time I see a free lunch and its from this place, I'll just pass.  And leave it at that -_-

Off to bed. 

House Hunting & Progress

Today I went to check out this 4 bed, 3bh house - http://stlouis.craigslist.org/reo/4886991931.html

There were a lot of things I liked about it.  Not a fan of the price but I have another place I'll be checking out tomorrow. 

And I should've submitted for my 401k plan yesterday, today was the last day to enroll for this period and apparently the site is down for maintenance.  So since I couldn't do that, I opted to sign up for the HSA since it works like a 401k and just have to wait next year to enroll or maybe talk to someone about it tomorrow or Monday.

Okay, no SS today :( 

Much to do...

So very sleepy/tired but must do a few things before I pass out tonight like:
 - make a weekend to do list (definitely need one this weekend) and include things such as these-
- house viewing confirmation
- 401k enrollment
- action item/ f-up mtg comm from tonight's family mtg about GA
- cat food
- bills (mine and grandparents)

Just a lot and it sucks typing on this laptop in fact I hink I'm about o give up on trying o make this 't' work so if you come across something funky and it isn' autocorrected its because I got lazy and kep on rollin' so... yeah...

Definitely going o work on finishing a short story tomorrow.  This is the goal and probably going to work on it from the hospital tomorrow as well as work on MD. 

In unrelated news, tried something different today -
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/mulligatawny-soup-recipe2.html

I think I'd like more rice next time if I had it but when you want curry, I've learned, you just want curry.  No substituting that craving.

I'se outy

The case of the mysteriously smashed in laptop...

I imagine this will slow down my writing efforts since certain letters require additional force to take when I type such as 't' and 'f'' which sux... sux so much that I'm trying to be creative and think of words that don't involve either letter which isn't the easiest.  Dang t's...

I shall proceed... bed...

::annoyed::

So you're 30, go, be free, roam, and welcome

Unfortunately I have gotten in late again.  Go to hospital and I end up staying past the visiting hours because I'm noid whenever I leave her. 

And despite efforts to work on a short story at work today it didn't happen even though I emailed the stories to myself.  So tomorrow, definitely tomorrow.

But in random, I never noticed this before, Google tells me happy bday

For those that texted me on my bday I responded with random tidbits that I just sort of pulled from the ether.  Some were goofier than others like I told my uncle who texted me something along the lines of 'kindness is key, if not for the kindness the garden gnome apocalypse will happen.  Save the world, be kind'...

Random tidbit but such as life. 

Okay off to try to get my niece cleaned up and email/follow up about some houses before I go to bed since I definitely have to be up early.  Two day team meetings starting at 8:30... bleh...

In Australia I'm 30 already...

At least that's what my friend text me at work earlier today.  I thought it was funny because I figure for the people I do know in time zones ahead of mind that I'd likely be seeing bday wishes today.  I haven't logged into FB but I'm sure there are some.  Mmm, makes me think it's my bday in SE Asia... vacay, soooo need it. 

Another late evening.  I snuck in a few more pages of Hallucinations today but not a whole lot.  No new story ideas either today.  My mind is very preoccupied and made a couple of mistakes while at work today.  Had a few momentary waterworks and had one at the hospital with my grandma.  Just feel really worn down every now and then.  But tomorrow is a new day right?  Besides it being my birthday it is also my grandparents wedding anniversary. 

So tomorrow's goal, take 15-20 minutes at work and try to do the teacup exercise with one of the scenes from MD.  I'm going to hopefully get at 2-3 things out of doing that if I dedicate a solid 15 to it. 

This weekend I'm pretty sure I'm going to try to escape into MD, lock myself at Hartford or at the library and just dig in and finish where I left off from last weekend.  I think the weather is going to be nice too. 

In somewhat related news.  I'm behind on short stories, severely.  I think at this point I'm going to wrap up the 3-4 I haven't finished and just post it.  To me the point of the exercise is to keep producing and I have definitely gotten some good ideas out of them.

Okay another goal for tomorrow.  Post one of the open short stories which would  mean completing it but that shall be the goal. 

Last thing, promise, more and more, I'm feeling good about Al's journey in MD and what I've done with that first part.  I think I've been stalled for so long because I needed to resolve my own hurdle with how events should transpire in the next parts of the book and what I thought I was trying to do versus what it appears I've done.  MD is a novel about reconciliation and it seems my brain, the novel, and I have all been working toward some reconciliation this entire process and we've all finally landed on something we can live with ^_^

The day never goes quite as planned

I don't believe this will be a long post.  Just a post to acknowledge that I'm feeling good about MD and what I'm reading in "Hallucinations" appear to be validating some of what's gone on in my head in regards to MD as well as my own experiences with hallucinations.  I'd like to read a bit before going to bed but it's late and it's been a long day.

My grandma is back at the hospital again and I'm worried and stressin'  Trying to find a decent place to make this work but... I don't know.  Just going to take it bird by bird, right?

At any rate I had some ideas with P2 of MD again today.  Hopefully I'll be able to finish Hallucinations this week but we'll see. 

I like this new Mumford and Son's song, different from their other stuff but still good to me -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dW6SkvErFEE

Okay.. I need to go to bed.  And try to get more things done tomorrow.  I'm still thinking I'll make a solo road trip late this month/early April but it'd be nice to know things are stable before I do. 

Starting and not finishing things... no bueno

Today's excuse brought to you by my body:  "Keeping her down just when she's becoming productive.  Thanks Mother Nature -_-"

Today was another beautiful day outside and while I got up to clean a bit I was quickly put back down and for several hours due to just horrible cramps.  Sorry, might be TMI but it's true I haven't had anything that painful in a longtime, almost cried a couple times and I was popping pills like candy and just in bed sort of in/out of sleep with NPR playing on my laptop.

In a bit of pain now which is why this will be brief as I'm going to probably hop in the recliner, try to finish reading this book and use this heating pad.

So I broke the chain again yesterday and didn't post.  I just fell asleep, again.  Me thinks it's mother nature's fault but at least I was productive with MD yesterday, so there's that. 

I also started to work on a new story today, just before the pain really kicked in and thus it's not finished.  That's 3, maybe 4 short stories I've started and haven't finished.  There's the Disgruntled Postal Worker Space story, Stalker POV story, Polluted Air, and now the Stolen Car story (that I started today).  I shall be finishing one of these this week and posting because I'm behind posting short stories -_-

Hmm, there was something else I was going to post about but I can't remember now.

At any rate, off to do some reading. 

Aw crap

I so passed out in the recliner while trying to finish a book that I had about 100 or so pages left in.  And I'm probably going to pass back out.... Now. 

That's all. 

TGI...T? and the Half a Million "You Wish" House

I think at this point I'm just glad that it's almost Friday.  It's nice to catch up at work though AND I actually had a moment in which I was able to daydream about a couple projects.  I can't remember what it was I thought but I'm sure it'll come back to me :)

I've also been house hunting and found something I like in a nice place BUT the price is -_-  So I kind of want to reach out to a class mate that's in real estate and say can you find me something like this

5 Bd, 4 Bth for a LOT less


Man, I really can't remember the story idea I had earlier.  I know I started thinking about this short story I wrote a while ago that sort of ties into the TYW.  And I thought about the set up for the #StolenCar SS but I feel like I started thinking about one other today too.  Must get back on track with writing stuff down as soon as they hit me.

At any rate I think this weekend might be a good one for reading/writing.  I'm thinking I might go check out Chappie or The Duff but aside from the possible movie viewing  I definitely want to head to the library and seal myself in at one of the cube and word on MD or just spread out on one of the tables.  Kind of excited about having the time to do that.

I've also been thinking a lot about how and what it might take to bridge the us vs. them divide that seems to be represented in every avenue from work, to community relations, political arena, worldwide... and maybe there's no helping.  I mean our genetic makeup probably predisposes us to always have this need to separate one from the other BUT I have hope. 

With that said I'm also thinking of making taking on an entrepreneur endeavor in regards to the ACE study and maybe developing/designing a program that intends to look at next steps and how that fit into someone's general health care.  At least it's an idea and a way I could use my Psych degree.  So hopefully more about this soon.  Heard about this study on NPR (as well as about the lack of family care physicians) and I just ache for wanting to do more with medicine but not wanting to take on the debt associated with becoming a doctor. 

I figure if I'm determined I'll find a way.

Also one last thing... so tonight's episode of Scandal seemed to conveniently happen just as the DOJ report comes out and I thought 'hmmm' but then I also remembered tonight was the premiere of American Crime.  And with watching Scandal, then AC, the themes in both seemed to just be relevant.  And Scandal might've just been setting up for it. 

Okay heading to bed ^_^

Just when you've made a decision

Those contingencies in which you felt the need to double check are definitely in conflict with your plans and thus the plans must change. 

So I still want to travel somewhere and I still might do a road trip it just won't be next weekend because I have items for the March release to deal with as well as a two day team planning meeting. 

I'm kind of sad because I really do need some sort of break soon ish.  I still might try to do some things for myself this weekend like catch a movie and head to the library to one of the private cubes to do some work. 

During my drive this evening I had some inner dialogue/ideas in regards to OTTM and revisions for it.  I also had an idea for a short story that I'll try to get to tomorrow.  Right now I'm calling it the StolenCar story.

One last thing, had a fortune cookie tell me that in 2 months I'll reach my goal.  I hope it's a writing related goal :) 

I think I've made up my mind...

Of course I say that and I'm liable to change it tomorrow but I'm pretty 51/49 in favor of doing the road trip next week and just priced what it'll cost to drive from here to Sedona or San Diego.  I still want to check the weather but it looks like the cost to rent a car as well as a flight back won't cost too much. 

I'm still going to play around with possibly flying to Barcelona since I was told that should be cheap but right now I'm looking forward to some alone time via road trip.  Just me, my thoughts, and the road, sort of excited about that.  Can't be a bad way to bring in 30 I hope ^_^

The Chain is Broken! :(

I'm still kind of tired.  Just really really really tired but yesterday my daily blog goal was finally broken. 

What happened you say?  Or you might not say.  But lets say you say.  Long story made even shorter we had a family emergency last night.  Freaked me out.  I think I cried a few times yesterday too, as privately as possible, and by the time we got in last night it was some time after 1:30am.  Didn't go to work today because I had an uber headache and was too tired to function but feel bad about that too. 

Taking a deep breath now and letting it go. 

Okay, might as well make the most of this day off.  Going to go get this oil changed!  Library then a trip back to the hospital. 

The weekend is gone, gone, gone....

I don't think I'll be satisfied with a weekend until I can get some writing done.  Sure it was productive as in I finally sat down and got my bills figured out since I've been a bit scattered with those since getting busy at work.  And I did make it to a wedding, reception, and bday.

But the writing.  I haven't even made my daily 100 the last few days, well technically, if I count blogging I've made it but I don't.  So I've not managed that either.  And I thought I'd finish one of the short stories.  Now I have three that I haven't finished -_-

I at least got ALL my laundry washed, folded, ANNNNND put away properly which is probably one of the sucky parts. 

I'm just going to try hard to leave work at a certain time so I can go somewhere to write for a bit. 

With that said, I'm heading off.  Here's to completing one chapter of MD revision this week.  I'll aim small but one chapter, just one Denise... you can do it ^_^

Good evening Feb, Good morning March!

The big 3 0 is around the corner and I still haven't have figured out what I'm doing.  I'll try to make that an item to do tomorrow.

In other news I did make it my previous manager's wedding today which was very awesome to be apart of.  I mean I truly felt happy for her since she'd never been married and had been patient waiting for the right guy to come along.  And this guy was just as spiritually in tuned as she was. 

I also had a birthday party to go to and I dropped in for that, mostly to pick my niece up, but I showed my face but I was pretty tired after having to drive through the slick roads to the wedding then to the reception and still have to head elsewhere for my niece.  But made it in safely and even was able to make a store run so now I think I'm going to spend the last bits of the day reading.

I did get a solid hour of reading in earlier and a nap before the wedding which was great.  I just need to make an effort to work on MD tomorrow.  And I still need to do laundry.  One day I shall have a place/house with a washer and dryer.

At any rate I'm heading off to go read in the recliner where I am sure to pass out. 

And for my own reminder.  Just looked at my project timeline scope.  Really need to get on MD to make my target-

February 3rd - April 5th

    P:  MD - 2nd draft
    S:  TYW - Read through/Make Revision Notes
    S:  Outline/Plot April Project *not sure what this will be as of yet*

April 1st - May 17th
  
   P:  Novel/The April Project
   S:  TYW Revision Notes Cont'd/Make Updates
   S:  OTTM Read through