Week 3 Short Story - The Confession

Goal:  1,000
Actual:  1,054

Today was good as day as any to announce my love for Jun but there was the problem of office rumors and sexual harassment should it all go wrong.  His cube mate, Reggie, had just stepped away for his pot break, or maybe it was for a cigarette, both involved smoking so I hadn’t really bothered trying to figure when he took one versus the other.  All that mattered was that I had 15 minutes to make something happen.

“Hey,” I said as casually strolled up to his cube and tapped on the edge.  I suddenly didn’t know where my hands should be.  I tried for cool, leaning against the edge of the cube opening which only managed to make me feel more awkward. 

Then there was the uncomfortable silence that followed.  Jun’s back was to me as he sat pecking away at some email tangent about the lack of intelligence and the simple fix for some line of code.  I knew it was possible that he might be in his zone, lost to his K-pop or Swiss electronica depending on the severity of the code error.  As long as music was going, it was a good sign.

I pushed off the edge of the cube and stepped forward, double checking for Reggie, and tapped Jun on the shoulder.  He was slow to move and I was glad for the timing.  Almost everyone had left the office for the day with the exception of us.  Staying late had become routine for Jun and I.  It was staying late that I began to develop a very unhealthy daydream that starred Jun and a destroyed break room. 

Jun flicked his index finger.  The universal sign for ‘give me a sec’.  At least that’s what I hoped it meant.  I heard the Swiss and realized maybe it wasn’t as good of a time as I thought. 

He gave one final push to the key as if it were a dramatic send-off but the screen had went unchanged.

“Pretty intense email there,” chuckle, “what did they mess up now,” chuckle, swoop bang, chuckle a bit more, “like, it’s Friday, seriously,” chuckle…

I’m a train wreck.

Jun shrugged, “Not really, just making a reply to some dudes comment on HuffPost.  What’s up?”

“That’s a waste of time,” I’ve said the words, it’s how I feel no doubt but Jun’s face has caused my insides to shrivel.  “I mean, there are just a lot of trolls on those type of comment threads.  It’s just, there’s no benefit, to me, I mean, if you’re looking for an actual conversation because if you actually want to discuss something like that or I mean I don’t know what you were looking at but if it were something in the news I wouldn’t be opposed to talking about it.  If you want.”

Okay here’s the opening.

“Like maybe over coffee…”

Or even dinner.  

“Or…”

Even dinner.   Just say it.  Spit it out already.

“Dinner.  Maybe dinner.  We could have dinner.  If you aren’t too busy.  I mean you’re a busy guy I know but it’s Friday and if you don’t have plans or if you do but you’re not excited about them, maybe you and I could go snag a bite.  I….”

Shut it.  Shut it now.  Good job.  But shut it. 

I wait.  My mouth poised open to say more and Jun just stares at me.  His mouth wide open- in shock?  Surprise?  Excitement?  Is this what he’s been waiting to hear since we became late night overachievers? 

I knew then.

I watched as Jun took a hand to his hair, his head bent down, “Listen Zo…”

I pretended my phone rang then.  I pretended to answer it.  I pretended to take a call.  I pretended the words were all intelligible as I strode away.  I pretended the tears were of joy over the pretend news that a friend of mine had finally got the pretend news that she and her pretend husband would now have the pretend family they’d been pretend trying for. 

I pretended even now as I stood outside.  I pretended I knew what I was doing at Reggie passed me his blunt. 

“That’s great for your friend,” he said to me of my pretend news.  Reggie was somewhere.  He looked very at peace in that place.  I wanted to be there.  I inhaled as hard as possible and not a second later coughed up a lung, spleen, and maybe an unborn child. 

I passed Reggie back his doobie and it didn’t seem like no time at all before he was giving it back to me.  I shook my head vehemently.  He shrugged and took another hit on my behalf.  I leaned my head against the brick building.  We were out in the alley way on a rear set off steps that had a short banister that hadn’t matched the length needed for the amount of steps. 

Stop thinking. 

I closed my eyes.

“So hey, you busy tonight?”  Reggie asked me.  “Because if you aren’t I was thinking maybe you and I-“

“Really?”

The world stopped.  “Oh crap.  Double crap.  Can you hear me now?”

Reggie turns to me, his eyes slightly narrowed and he gives me the biggest grin.  I’m swallowed up into a bro side hug, “Chill.  Just ride it.”

“I don’t like this.  Why can’t it stop?  Shush.  You.  Shush!  Shut it.  Just…”

“Chiiiiiiiiilllllllll.  Just let go.  Stop trying and just be.”

“No.  NO.  Noooooooooo.”

Reggie laughs and he turns back to me.  His locks and hazel eyes have found interest in something behind me but it’s like I’m seeing him for the first time.  I’m not interested but maybe there’s something there I hadn’t considered before.  Reggie eyes have found mine again, “So no for tonight?”

“Affirmative.”

Just then Jun took a spot beside me.  He gave me an awkward smile and I smiled back.  He and Reggie exchanged a shake before my eyes.  I understood then.    

“It’s okay.”

“Damn straight it is,” Reggie has brought me in for another side bro hug and the giggles kick in.  The confessor became the confessed, the rejected to the rejecter, and it was okay. 

Maybe when I wasn’t so high I’d have a change in mind but I hoped I didn’t.  Because really, it was okay, it really was.